Jan 14, 2024
*Announcement jingle* Hello crew, this is your captain speaking. Welcome back. I hope you had a nice shore leave. If not, group therapy is on wednesday during Solis shift.
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*Announcement jingle* Hello crew, this is your captain speaking. Welcome back. I hope you had a nice shore leave. If not, group therapy is on wednesday during Solis shift.
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From: Bridge, Captain
To: Engineering Dep.
Door is stuck. I am stuck. Please get me out.
Mechanics Departement Records Stardate: 11/29
This is an excerpt of a ten minutes long recording.
Captain: (seemingly repeatedly hitting something on the ground with an instruction manual) -DIE *thunk* DIE *thunk* DIE *thunk* DIEDIEDIE *thonk*-
*unusually calm* Hello crew, this is your Captain speaking. I have an announcement to make. I lived.
From: Crew’s Quarters, Captain
To: Medical Dep., Medical Officer
Open Comms
Captain: Bnn. Be. Bean
Medical Officer: What.
Captain: Ban I’n dyng. dyin..I’m dying
Medical Officer: Chris you have a fever. You’re not dying.
Captain: U hate me… im in agony… Ban plss
Medical Officer: You and I both know I can’t give you any more meds. It would turn yer blood into a cocktail. Also stop writing me over the work comms.
Captain: Ok I cry becos of u
Medical Officer: Goddammit. I’ll come help you when I’m done here. Now stop whining.
Captain: K
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*faint coughing over comms* Hello this is your Captain speaking… the flu is spreading on the ship. Keep you distance from people with symptoms and- *muffled scream*
HELLO THIS IS YOUR MEDICAL OFFICER. THESE ORDERS ALSO INCLUDE THE CAPTAIN. STAY HYDRATED. DO NOT TEST ME.
*comms rustling* Hello, this is your Captain speaking. Due to an emergency call from a civilian passenger ship we will enter a Stargate. Entry in 30. Secure yourself and read instructions. (was that good?
*muffled response*
Yeah. Yeah got it- oh. I forgot to turn the dang thing off) *louder again* Captain out.
*over comms* hello, this is your captain speaking…
AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING WE ARE UNDER ATTACK EVERYONE HOLD THE FUCK ON oh wait we gotta censor that out of the recordings- OH FUCK *extreme audio feedback screech*