If this question isn’t something you’re interested in answering I understand (or if it’s been answered before; I looked and couldn’t find it, but I may have just missed it), but I’ve wondered about it for a while;
I know Admin is designed to be as blank a slate as possible so the reader can insert themselves into her. That’s totally understandable, and a great system. But what about when the POV isn’t from Admin’s perspective? Like when the reader is Charm, or one of the TCE boy’s obsessions, or ESPECIALLY back during the “Gifted” series, and Admin is being interacted with as a character in her own right?
Do you have any physical traits you imagine her with when she’s a separate character (even if they’re vague, like “short” or “on the larger side”)? What about personality? There have been many iterations of Admin who act very differently- some kinder, some crueler, some more brainwashed while others are less- are any of those ones you consider more “canon” than the rest?
I ask mainly from a place of liking to write characters into this world that aren’t Admin, but do interact with her. I just wanted to know anything about the character of Admin before having a separate self-insert interact with her.
Don't worry! I can go into more detail if you want.
This might get long.
Physically, Admin as her own character looks like this. Though I don't necessarily mind if people want to put slightly different spins on her. She has the height of your average woman, appears to be somewhere in her 20s-early 30s, and is described as "doll-like" at times.
In self-insert!Admin asks, personality will vary according to the energy being used by the asker, thus creating the diversity you mention.
Psychologically, a lot of her attributes as an individual are overshadowed by her crazed, cultish devotion to Krulu. She lives and breathes for this siadar, and it's the most prominent aspect of her entire being. Who she was before is irrelevant. She comes off as secretive when, in reality, there's very little to hide from her part.
Admin is a composed, calculating and oftentimes cold person, who precedes most of her actions throughout her day by asking herself "Will my Lord approve of this?"/"Is this what my Lord asked of me?"/"Am I being productive to The Clergy's Eye?". Her morals, sense of empathy/sympathy and habits are entirely conditioned by the will of another being who she is unconditionally dependent on. Even her posture can vary wildly depending on what she's been ordered to do.
It's worth noting that, although coming off as apathetic and detached frequently, she's not incapable of friendliness or genuine affection, seen in the way she acts towards staff. In her mind's eye, anyone who devotes themself to Krulu is worth much more than the average Joe, and is deserving of care from her part. She considers the staff her closest allies and friends, seeking to reward them for their continued service. However, any tenderness she shows to staff is accompanied by ruthless punishment when considered just or ordered upon her. Admin views punishment as a positive element of her dynamic with the staff, believing it strengthens their bond to her and Krulu.
All relationships she has are marked by some kind of power imbalance, to the point where she might not tolerate being on the same level as someone else. It disorients her.
Some people have asked if Admin is in a romantic relationship with all the staff, and while I enjoy writing that sometimes, it's more probable that Admin doesn't consider any staff member her lover, but that she will use sex and romantic gestures as tools to further secure them in their vows of subservience to her Lord. This isn't to say that it's a chore for her, Admin is a monsterfucker and derives enjoyment from these encounters, which is separate from the euphoria of serving Krulu's will.
In the future, Admin, Belo and Krulu will form the closest thing to a couple in this dynamic. Though Belo will always view himself as inferior to both Krulu and his Lady.
Admin is considered creepy by more than a few people. This comes not from an appearance standpoint, but rather the way she tends to "space out" blankly from time to time. She's not truly distracted, more than likely having a conversation with Krulu. Other factors that contribute to her creepiness but aren't exclusive to her are the way she keeps her calm in the most chaotic of situations, the occasional manic breaking of her cool when she's brought to hysteric states (more often than not due to perceived rejections from Krulu or someone prompting her to lovingly rant about him), and the total indifference to how Krulu may choose to alter her current shape to his liking.
Her indifference towards what happens to other humans inside TCE is almost self-explanatory given her earlier description, though it's worth stressing again that she mirrors what Krulu thinks here too.
You don't feel bad about what happens to those of your kin when they're brought inside The Clergy because Krulu has helped you see the bigger picture. Because you're mentally distant enough to not even think of yourself as human anymore. Krulu certainly likes to exalt your nature as the only good lesser out there, the best of them all- [...]
Being that Admin has no true sense of identity which is separate from Krulu, rejection or outright being discarded by him wouldn't just drive her immediately insane, it would cause her to give up on life. Her purpose is to be his, and if Krulu sees no more use in her, then Admin failed, and her life is pointless.
There's nothing to return to because there's nothing left of her. She doesn't recognize her family, she doesn't truly remember where she's from or what she did before all this. The vague pieces of her past that remain are inconsequential experiences, Ludwig and his brothers. She acknowledges Ludwig has unresolved feelings towards her but doesn't care to feed them, because the past should remain the past- And seeking it out would get in the way of her current life.
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