#space!dan

Dan looked up at the stars that glimmered and lit up the dark never ending universe. The moon was full, it was the best thing ever in Dan’s opinion. It would be up there in most people’s opinion. It became a routine for Dan to sit on the roof until at least 12 am every night. Well, maybe except when the weather was horrible, but Dan always found beauty in the sky whether it was clear or not. Or even the rain splatter on the ground.

He heard shuffles from the neighbours house. Someone had apparently moved in earlier that day. The last people that lived there was an old couple, but when the man passed away and his poor wife was moved into a nursery home after they’d been married to him for 46 years. Dan had never really talked to them, but they seemed lovely.

Dan fished up his phone from his pocket. The bright screen informed him that it was 11 pm. He didn’t question why his new neighbour was out though, because he, himself was sat on the roof with his gaze up at the stars like a freak.

He averted his gaze up to the sky again and rested his head on the cold, hard tiles.A creaky door could be heard and Dan sat up to see who bothered him. There was someone in the greenhouse that the old couple had abounded.

It was too dark for Dan to see who the person was, but luckily for his curiosity, the person turned on a light. A single light bulb was hung from the ceiling in a rather aesthetic way. Dan had pictured a lady in her 40’s, but it was the quite opposite actually.

It was a guy who looked about 17 years old, just a year older than Dan who was 16. Ebony hair in addition to pink sweet lips. His royal blue hoodie was clearly over-sized because it covered almost his entire thighs, his hands were not to be seen. Dan smiled fondly at the new boy. The boy who looked so cute and excited as he started to clean out all leftovers from the past residents.

Dan found himself to not be bothered at all by this cute boy’s presence. Dan liked to look at the boy as he moved in and out of the greenhouse whilst humming at some song Dan didn’t recognise, though he couldn’t hear the hums when the boy was inside of the house.

After the greenhouse was fairly clean the boy turned around like he inspected his work before he smiled proudly. The boy looked down at his watch. The action got Dan curious, so he checked the time himself. It was 11:56 pm , Dan’s eyes widened. Time had gone by incredibly fast, he’d now spent 50 minutes of having his eyes glued at a stranger do gardening.

When Dan looked down again, the boy was gone. Perhaps it was weird for Dan to stare, but he didn’t give it much thought.  just put his foot on the crate that was placed perfectly to help him climb down from the roof. Luckily they only had one floor and a basement.

Dan entered his room through the window, he slid into his bed after he removed his pants and his jacket. He was very glad that he had the T-shirt he always slept in underneath, he’d also already brushed his teeth. It didn’t take long before he fell asleep.

The next morning Dan woke up to his little sister’s shouts directed at him. “Dan! Mom said that you’re gonna follow me over to the new neighbours!” Dan groaned and told her to shut up before actually he actually realised what she’d said. That could mean to talk to the plant boy which was both good and bad. Bad because Dan would totally mess it up, but good because he’d get to hear his voice, maybe even his name. Acquaintances is better than nothing right?

“Mom said that you had to, come on”, Dan’s 7 year old sister, Kayla demanded. She was fucking aggravating sometimes. Dan lifted his head to observe his sister in her baby blue caps with a neon pink dress which looked absolutely horrific together in Dan’s opinion.

“Okay, give me a second”, Dan answered with an eye roll. She told him to hurry up before she exited his room. Dan checked the notifications on his phone, (which was mainly videos from his favourite youtubers, some likes on his recent Instagram photo and one lonely note from tumblr) before he got up.

Dan put his earplugs in his ears and pressed play on his favourite playlist on Spotify before he walked into the hallway because obviously his room had to be the furthest away from the bathroom

She take my money when I’m in need Yeah she’s a trifling friend indeed Oh she’s a gold digger way over town.

That digs on me

Dan lip synced whilst he moved his head to the music. He ignored the glance from his mother as he slipped into the bathroom. He visibly cringed at his hair when he looked in the mirror, he immediately got out his hair brush to started to push it down. When it looked decent, he got a pair of black skinny jeans out of the drawer and put it on with only slight struggles.

“Dan, you’re so slow”, Kayla complained. Dan pulled on a black hoodie that fit his aesthetic before he brushed his teeth very quickly. He almost forgot to put on deodorant even. He took a final look in the mirror. When he opened the door he hadn’t expected his little sister to be standing right outside which lead to almost hitting her with the door.

“Fucking hell!” Dan cursed, which made his mom cough, she gave him a stern look. “Sorry”, Dan muttered as he took Kayla’s hand and started to drag her to the door. He put on his shoes before he helped Kayla put on her shoes. Then he opened the white door that leads out of their house. They both said goodbye to their mom before they left.

The cold winter air hit him in the face and the sun blinded him. It was nice though, they hadn’t really had nice weather in the UK for a while. Dan still preferred the cold nights and the moon’s reflection on the sea, he could spot from his spot on the roof.

“Dan! Look how pretty the flowers are!”, Kayla exclaimed in an amazed tone. Dan adverted his gaze from right in front of him to where his sister was obnoxiously pointing. The flowers weren’t on anyone’s property, but in front of a tiny park. “Can we please make flower crowns?” Kayla pleaded.

Dan looked at the time only to find out that it was 1:07 pm, still pretty early in his opinion. It wouldn’t hurt would it? “Sure”, Dan answered and chucked at his sister’s excitement. She’s the type of person who gets excited about everything. She had already started to run towards the dainty flowers, so Dan decided to follow. Perhaps he should try to make a flower crown himself? Better than to just sit and watch Kayla do it.

About 15 minutes later they both had a flower crown each. Kayla handed Dan her caps and placed the flower crown over her loose, long, blonde braids. She smiled up at Dan and he poked her pimple. She looked much better without the caps in Dan’s judgement. With her white converse, scratched up knees and the pink dress that was cut off right above her knees in addition to the flower crown she looked pretty good.

“Come on”, Dan said and took her small hand in his. They started to walk towards their new neighbours house. Dan could feel butterflies in his stomach as he thought about talking to the gorgeous boy from the night before.

“There’s two sons”, Kayla informed him. Dan gave her a questioning look in response. “Our new neighbours, they have two sons”, She explained further.

“Is that so?” Dan asked only slightly interested. Kayla nodded her head and started to walk faster, dragging Dan with her. He didn’t even question how she already knew who lived there, maybe he should just listen more to what people tell him. More cars were passed by than normal and Dan supposed there was something special that happened locally.

Kayla slightly skipped into the driveway without hesitation and Dan took a quick breath before he followed her. She stopped right in front of the door and turned around to face Dan. She mockingly checked her non-existent watch whilst Dan walked slowly towards her. The house was white and only a little bigger than Dan’s.

Once Dan was right in front of the door Kayla knocked. Her weak knuckles made way too little noise for anyone more than a meter away to hear, so Dan took it upon himself to knock again which earned a glare from Kayla. They heard footsteps from inside and Dan felt like he had a whole zoo in his stomach.

The door opened and the boy Dan had seen the day before stuck his head out before he smiled. He carefully opened the door completely. “Hello” The guy said enthusiastically. Dan could see him better now in the daylight, he wasn’t disappointed.

He had a white knitted sweater, which was just big enough for him to have sweater paws in addition to light grey sweatpants. His soft features were so much more beautiful close-up. Dan could see his pink, sweet lips and his milky skin perfectly. He could feel his ocean eyes on him.

“Hey! We’re your neighbours” Kayla said. The boy’s smile grew even more. “I’m Kayla” She informed and looked expectantly up at Dan.

“Um.. Hi, I’m D-Dan” He inhaled deeply “Dan Howell” He said quietly. He coughed before he continued. “We just um.. wanted to w-welcome you” Dan cursed himself for not being able to talk properly and pressed his nails into the wrist of his left hand which was still had a hold on Kayla’s cap.

“Thank you, I’m Phil Lester” He smiled before he looked down at Kayla. “I love your flower crown Kayla, it’s so cute” He complimented which made Kayla beam. She straightened the purple and yellow crown before she looked down at her other crown.

“We made two, you can have one?” She offered before she looked back up at him. Phil accepted and keeled for Kayla to put it on top of his head. It took everything for Dan to not to throw himself over Phil right there and then because he was completely sure that Phil with a flower crown was the prettiest thing on the entire earth.

“I love it, what do you think Dan?” He giggled. Dan just kept quiet because how do you speak when the most beautiful man with the most adorable giggle says your name in the softest way. He just nodded as he smiled awkwardly. Phil leaned on the door with elbow on the handle with his head rested in his hand.

Dan looked past Phil and inside the house, it was pretty empty with many boxes and bags. Phil saw where Dan looked which made him cringe. “It’s really boring and messy right now” Phil sighed, like it was something to be ashamed of that they weren’t completely done furnishing after they’d moved in the day before.

“We should probably go now,” Dan mumbled. Kayla frowned, but took his hand as a sign that she was ready to go either way. They both said goodbye to Phil almost embarrassingly at the same time.

“Goodbye, thank you for the flower crown” Answered Phil and smiled brightly. Dan had to stop himself from staring at him for too long. Kayla told him that it was no problem and started to walk away with Dan right behind her.

“He was awesome!” Kayla exclaimed when they were in their own driveway.

“Yeah, he was” Dan answered dreamily and looked up at the sky. He thought about Phil’s smile, his blue eyes and how the fact that he’d do willingly let Kayla put the flower crown on top of his head was adorable. When Dan realised that he’d slowed down his pace quite a bit and that his sister was gone, probably, hopefully inside their house he blushed.

He walked around with a stranger in mind, that was just strange, even for Dan. He couldn’t help it though. He cringed of how cheesy his thoughts were. Phil was the kind of guy that everyone would either date or be friends with. His smile makes you wanna smile and he’s tall, but at the same time small body, made you want to embrace him and protect him.

Dan opened the door to his house and was greeted by his mom. He put Kayla’s cap on the table and ran a hand through his hair. “Daniel, can you be any slower?” She teased. Dan kicked off his shoes and hurried into the kitchen where he smelled pancakes.

“I suppose if I really tried” Dan replied sarcastically. Kayla was sat by the wooden table with a dirty plate and a satisfied grin on her face. “You couldn’t wait two minutes until I came” Dan questioned annoyed. He really didn’t care, but he knew that if it was Kayla who’d came home late, he’d never get to eat before she was there.

“Oh come on Dan, she was hungry” His mom informed which made Dan roll his eyes. “Plus, we have your favourite” She said cheerfully and tousled his hair. He wasn’t stupid enough to not know that it was in fact, Kayla who’d begged her for pancakes.

They ate and had a conversation about boring stuff that Dan didn’t take a big part in. He hated small talk. It’d been much better before Kayla came into the picture. He wished she’d never entered their lives, but it was too late, he was attached and would never want to lose her at that point.

4 years ago, Dan’s dad had died of a drug overdose and his mother had reacted by coming home drunk almost every night for 8 months. After that she’d slowly, but surely started to drink less and become more herself. All the alcohol and the days she’d taken off work, which made them lose a lot of money, not that they had much before.

After a year Dan supposed she just needed something to fill the hole in her heart, which made her adopt Kayla from Somalia. Dan had tried to protest, but it didn’t work. Kayla costed them money, his mom got even even more frustrated and she started to drink again. Dan had to look after Kayla all the time because their mom was never home. He was still 13 mind you. When their mom started to get her shit together their relationship was stronger than ever and neither of them had the heart to give Kayla back. It still happened that their mom came home drunk or high times to times, but it was rare.

“I’m gonna go up to my room” Dan stated and picked up his plate. He covered it in soap and started to wash it with a cloth.

“That’s okay, I can take it” His mom said and stood up with her own plate. Normally Dan would refuse, but today he just really wanted to get to his room and be alone. He thanked his mom and rushed out of the kitchen after he dried his wet hands. He was about to enter his room when he saw someone in the neighbours garden.

It was Phil and a boy who looked a couple years younger. Dan remembered that Kayla said that they were two sons and assumed that the other son was him. There was also a girl who stood with her head on Phil’s shoulder. Dan felt jealous and instantly disliked towards the girl. The younger boy played soccer, whilst Phil and the girl watched. They looked like they had a good time, even the girl despise how tired she looked.

Dan continued to walk into his room. He wished his family could be all perfect and happy. His dad tried to get him to play sports and Dan used to tell his friends how much he hated his dad for that. You don’t really notice how much someone means to you until they’re gone. It wasn’t like he didn’t support him when Dan had played piano or won over him in mario kart. Dan knew now how good of a father he really was, even though he had small flaws, but it was too late.

Dan sat down on his bed with his laptop. He had a message from his best friend Chris. It a question about their homework of course. He never missed a class, but that didn’t mean that he ever actually paid attention. He’d been lucky and shared the majority of his classes with his best friend, but it came with a couple disadvantages.

Chris: Hi, where we allowed to write about whatever we wanted to in literature?

Dan: What are you talking about? We’re currently learning about Shakespare you walnut

Chris: Harassment

Dan rolled his eyes and shut his computer. He got his canvas from under his bed. He’s barley started to paint a star constellation before he got too tired the other day. He normally pained when he was outside at night, but sometimes when he got bored he just googled a picture. He got up his white, purple, dark blue and black painting. He shared his favourite brushes with Kayla and since they were not in their usual place he supposed that she’d taken them. He was too lazy to go out of his room again so he settled for the slightly shittier brushes.

An hour later he had a complete drawing of Aquila. He wasn’t completely satisfied, but he didn’t really care. It wasn’t like he was going to do anything with them. He’d drawn digital drawings before and put them on tumblr or taken an aesthetic picture with the canvas or his painting book and done the same, but that was just something he did sometimes when he was extra proud. He had a couple paintings hanging on his walls as well, including his own star sign Gemini.

He started a new to paint of something he’d read a lot about recently, black holes. Or at least what they think black holes looks like. It fascinated him, but he always had to take a break from when he read about it because of the headaches he got.

Suddenly he heard rain spatter on his window. Luckily it didn’t seem like it was too much so he just continued to paint whilst he listened to sign of the times by Harry Styles. The rain and the song sounded absolutely beautiful together and he got a boost of creativity. He saw his phone light up and he wanted to ignore it because he didn’t want to get out of his ‘zone’, but his curiosity got the best of him.

Chris: I’m bored talk to me

Dan: I’m busy painting you dickhole

He put down his phone and started to paint again. He and Chris were always playfully arguing and hated each other, but he didn’t know what he’d do without him and PJ. Chris responded after just 30 seconds.

Chris: My feelings :(

Dan: Go talk to PJ or smth

Dan’s friends knew that sometimes he needed some time alone. They had gladly listened to him when he explained 'the spoon theory’ by Christine Miserandino. If only Chris would’ve paid that much attention in class. They were the best friends you could ever wish for though. Dan used to be a loser with no friends, but when he became friends with Chris and PJ he learned to not take other’s shit. He wasn’t exactly popular though, not that he ever wanted to be.

Dan remembered that he’d gotten 20 pounds from his grandma when she visited the week before and decided to get some snacks at the closest gas station. He moved the books that he’d hidden his money behind. He knew his sister all too well.

“Mom, I’m gonna go to the gas station, I’ll be back soon!” Dan shouted before he got his jacket shoes. His jacket was waterproof because of the weather and had small planets on his left chest. His shoes were completely black with small stars dotted on the sides. He’d started to wear space stuff because he really liked space, but before he knew it his whole wardrobe was full of space. His friends called him a space freak and nerd all the time. It was like an inside joke though.

“Okay, see you later!” His mom called back. Dan checked his reflection in the mirror before he went outside. It was now rain pouring down from the sky and it was much colder than when they’d gone outside a couple hours earlier. Dan loved the cold rain against his bare skin. He looked over to the neighbours house that he had to walk past to get to the gas station. Phil, the young boy and the girl were still there.

They all played basketball this time. All of them had a hoodie that protected most of their hair from the rain. Phil was piggybacking the girl and they looked like they had very much fun. Dan still felt the jealousy in his stomach, but Phil’s bright smile and his laughter kind of made up for it. Dan fought a smile that tried to form on his lips. It looked weird to walk around with a smile on your lips for no reason. Dan found that sad, why can’t people walk around smiling brightly if they’re happy?

He started walking on the pavement. His flat shoes made a loud sound when he stepped on the asphalt. He got wetter and wetter for every second. His hair was sticking to his face and some hair even got in his eyes. Dan was in the middle of wondering if the government were going into people’s houses to steal socks and umbrellas for their lizard homes when he heard his name being called. He looked awkwardly to all sorts of directions before realising it was Phil who was staring straight at him with a smile plastered on his face. Dan waved and smiled at him and he made a waving motion with his index finger as a sign for Dan to come over.

Dan walked the last 20 meters before he was standing right in front of Phil’s house, right in front of Phil. He was seeing his beautiful figure once again perfectly. His hair was wet and sticking to his face too, but he was wearing a sweatshirt which covered his hair. “Do you always wear oversized sweaters in different colours?” Dan questioned playfully.

“Hi, I’m Jessica Lester. I’m Phil’s cousin” Dan heard from his side, it was the girl that Dan had thought was Phil’s girlfriend. It felt like a hundred weights had been lifted off Dan’s chest. “Phil’s a bit of a pussy sometimes” She said and laughed, which earned a punch from Phil. She pouted and held a hand over where Phil had punched her.

“Am not,” He said and looked challenging up at her. She just chuckled and ruffled his hair. “Jessica, this is Dan- our neighbour” Phil explained and pointed over to Dan’s house. Phil looked back at Dan again. “No, I wear other stuff, but it’s cold” He answered to the question Dan had almost forgotten that he ever asked.

“That’s okay, I l-like it” Dan said quietly which earned a blush from Phil. Jessica put two fingers in her mouth and pretend like she retched before she walked away. “I’m going to the gas station” Dan paused and inhaled before he continued. “- and I wondered if you wanted to join, maybe? I understand if you don’t want to. Like you barely know me” Dan rambled

Phil giggled and nodded his head eagerly. “Wait a minute,” he said before running inside of the house and exiting with an umbrella. Then he waved to the others before he looked expectantly at Dan. He just stood there awkwardly in response. “I don’t know where it is” Phil reminded him and Dan blushed as he started to walk. Phil followed just by his side so his umbrella covered Dan too.

“Tell me about yourself then” Dan said, genuinely curious about Phil. He was also a fan of Phil’s voice. In one way it was deep, but then it would go very light and it was always soft. Dan found himself wanting to hear Phil’s morning voice, his voice when he was scared, his voice when he was really happy. He wanted to hear Phil’s voice whispering things in his ear.

“Well, I’m 17 and I just moved from Manchester to here. The two people with me with back there” He pointed behind him with his thumb. “-was my cousin Jessica who’s from Canada and my little brother Eric. Jessica is going back to Canada tomorrow though” Phil informed and frowned when he said that last part. From what Dan had seen the two seemed close and Canada and England was a great distance apart. “You?”. Dan looked questioningly at Phil. “Tell me something about yourself” He explained.

“Well, I’m 16 and I’ve always lived here,” Dan said bluntly. He tried to think about other stuff, but he couldn’t recall anything. He was a tad bit different than the majority people at his school, but he wasn’t going to introduce himself with, 'Hi, I’m Dan, I’m obsessed with space, I have crippling depression also I have a thing for dicks’, so he just left it at that.

“Is Kayla your sister?” Phil questioned. Dan turned to look at him, they made eye contact and held it for a while before Dan slowly nodded before he shifted his gaze to in front of him again. The rain was making loud noise as it hit the umbrella, some weak raindrops hit them in the face because of the small wind. “She’s cute” Phil complimented.

“She is,” Dan agreed. They arrived at the small gas station a few moments after walking in silence for a while. It was a mix of awkward and comfortable silence, Dan was mostly busy trying to think of things to say. They walked under the roof in front of the station and Phil took down his wet umbrella.

Phil started to walk in, Dan follows right behind. When Dan got in only a few seconds after Phil, he was standing by some flowers in a corner. Dan walked up to him. “Calla Lily” He said once he noticed Dan. Phil looked up at him. “They symbolise magnificence and beauty” He said whilst looking straight into Dan’s eyes.

“Which flowers are those” Dan asked as he pointed over to some white flowers in the middle of a nicely put together bouquet.

“Those are called star of Bethlehem and they symbolise hope” Phil answered and softly touched the petals of the small flowers.

“You know a lot about flowers?” Dan said more like a question than a statement. He could see the passion and love for flowers in Phil’s eyes. The same he’d seen from a distance the first time Dan had watched him in the greenhouse. It was really true what people say, people do look the best when they’re talking about something they love.

“Yeah, they are so beautiful though. I didn’t even learn the name and meaning to like every flower or plant on purpose, I just looked them up, now they’re all glued to my brain” Phil explained. Then he looked over at Dan, he was surprised when he saw that he actually looked interested so he continued. “My grandma and I used to plant flowers together, so when she died and I had to look up flowers for her funeral, I just kinda fell down a hole"Phil said as he smiled sadly.

"Oh, I’m sorry about your grandma” Dan said. He never knew how to respond to stuff like that. It was always so awkward, the brunette felt bad for Phil, and every other person who has or will ever tell him sad stuff.

“Well, at least something good came out of it” Phil said, he inhaled before smiling again. Dan admired his optimism. This guy seemed so down to earth whilst still making Dan feel like he was so small, like Phil was some type of God.

“Yeah” Dan responded. Phil turned around and started to walk towards the section with candy. Dan followed right behind as Phil picked up two ice creams . “What do you need two ice creams for when it’s raining outside and well, you’re one person?” Dan questioned once he was close enough.

“Ice cream is always good despite the weather. The other one is for you” Phil answered whilst he was still not looking up at Dan. He turned to go straight to the checkout before Dan could protest. He just followed shyly. Phil turned around and handed Dan one of the ice creams. “I hope you like chocolate” He smiled.

“You really didn’t have to do that” Dan said truthfully. He was the one that had invited Phil plus, they had just moved out so Dan assumed that they shouldn’t just throw money around. He shouldn’t either, but Phil was worth it.

“Shut up” Phil responded, he began to walk towards the exit.

“Isn’t it too cold to eat ice cream outside?” Dan questioned, he was not moving, at least not before Phil turned to glare at him with his head tilted slightly to the side. When they went outside Dan was surprised to find out that there was almost no rain pouring from the clouds, but the wind made his hair stand straight up. Dan put a hand on his hair to keep it down and playfully shoved Phil who was laughing at him. He envied Phil’s hair which look perfect.

They sat down on a bench right outside the gas station and started to eat their ice cream. Dan looked over at Phil. Studied his features closely. Phil looked back at him, which made Dan move his gaze to his shoes. He had been caught. Phil just laughed though.

Dan finished his ice cream fast enough and looked over at Phil, who had much left. “Jesus Phil hurry up” He groaned.

Phil playfully pouted. “Aren’t you enjoying your time here with me Dan?” He questioned. Dan just scoffed, of course he was, but he couldn’t stare at Phil for an entirety. Even though he’d like to. All of a sudden they heard a phone ring. Phil fished up his iPhone and groaned.

“Hi mom” pause. “We’ve only been here for like 40 minutes or something.” Pause. “Okay, sure. Bye” Phil put his phone back in his pocket again and sat down next to Dan. A little closer than they had originally.

“My mom is on her way home from the city and she would pick me up on her way home now” He frowned and looked Dan in the eyes which made Dan’s breath hitch. Goddamn Phil. “I’m sure she would drive you too” He added.

Dan was just about to say yes to the offer, but when he gave it more thought an awkward car ride with some dude he just met’s mother didn’t seem very tempting. “I’ll walk, I like to walk anyway” Dan said and smiled up at Phil who’d just stood up.

Phil handed Dan his umbrella. “Just in case it starts to rain” He explained. Dan was just about to protest when Phil continued. “You can give it back to me at my birthday tomorrow 5'o clock.” He gave Dan a quick hug. Dan completely melted in his arms as he wished that the hug would never end. He jumped when he heard a car horn from behind Phil. Phil pulled back and waved at his mother in the car. “It’s just a few, I don’t have enough friends to have a proper party”, he said before turning around and climbing into the car.

Dan hated how smooth Phil was whilst he was just as awkward he’d even been. Actually, even more, because he’d never properly felt like that about anyone. That thought scared him. He got up his headphones and played some music. He almost crashed with an old lady on her way out of the station. She was out of the way before Dan could apologise so he just started to walk again.

When Dan arrived at his home it was 18:30 and his leg hurt after he’d fell. It was completely that biker’s fault. He sighed and opened google. 'How do you know if you’re in love?’ he typed in and pressed enter. He scrolled a little before he found a random forum where someone had asked the same.

Dan read through the answers they’d gotten. 'You get hella butterflies in your stomach and when they’re gone, it’s like you’re lost idek it sounds cheesy.’ That was kind of how Dan felt. He felt nervous, but exited in a completely unique way, everything except Phil seemed boring.

'You always feel protected when you’re around them, but at the same time so vulnerable. You just want to spend the rest of your life with them and talk to them all the time’ Another answer said. Dan could relate to all of this, it was scary in all honesty. He didn’t know Phil. Phil could be a serial killer for all he knew. Dan wanted nothing more than to get to know him further though.

He looked at himself in the mirror as he thought about it. He thought about him and Phil together as a couple, he thought about himself having a crush on his neighbour, he thought about himself being in love with his neighbour. It was a little too much for him. He’d even contemplated being aro before.

He shook his head before looking out the window. It was starting to get dark, the rain had completely stopped. Dan got his galaxy backpack to fill it with his sketchbook, his phone charger, a power bank, his pens and 0,5 l rabina. Then he proceeded to climb out of his window to go up on the roof.

He could see Phil in the greenhouse again, filling it with various plants. Dan must admit he was pretty impressed over the older boy. The way he so carefully put all the plants in its place. Dan felt that stupid warmth over his whole body and those damned butterflies in his stomach. “Damn you Phil Lester” Dan whispered.

He watched Phil for a few moments before he started to sketch the scenery. Dan got tired of drawing the scenery, or rather, he inched to draw the boy next door. He refused, he was up there to get his head away from all the Phil bullshit, but it wouldn’t hurt to take inspiration from his eyes would it?

Dan ended up with a mess of a drawing. It was blue, green and yellow. Stars were dotted randomly around the canvas. Dan picked up his thinnest brush to paint the word 'limerence’ all over it. He added a few strokes of some other colours before he looked down at the older boy again. He smiled adoringly at him as he small danced around with his headphones. “Ethereal” He whispered to himself before he lay down to watch the stars.

Dan laid down like normal whilst listening to Phil’s gardening and occasional humming. When Phil went inside about 10 pm he put in his earplugs though. He suddenly remembered that there was a total solar eclipse the day after the next day. He smiled brightly at the thought. It was something that only happened every 18 months on average.

He continued thinking about the moon (and a certain figurative star). When it was 11:30 he decided to go inside, it was much earlier than usual, but to be honest, he just couldn’t wait to see Phil the next day. He laid down in bed with a smile plastered on his lips. He strongly believed that love at first sight wasn’t possible, but just because the ship isn’t completely underwater doesn’t mean that it’s not a problem when it’s sinking. Sinking into the depths of a certain neighbours smile and his eyes.

 The next morning the brunette woke up at 10 am. He laid in bed for twenty minutes before he finally decided to get up. He didn’t bother to put on pants mainly because he really needed to pee, so he just walked out of his room in a T-shirt. That wasn’t unusual, what was unusual though was that they had a guest. A strange man sat in the room accompanied by Kayla and their mom. They were laughing and drinking something hot.  

Dan rushed to the bathroom. Luckily he had a pair of jeans that were fairly clean so he just put those on after he’d peed. The black skinny jeans and his black t-shirt made him look like he was going to a funeral which wasn’t his moms favourite thing, but he figured that she couldn’t complain since she hadn’t told him about a visitor.

He went to the doorway and looked his family. The house seemed warmer than usual and he wasn’t even sure if he meant the actual temperature or just the atmosphere. “Hey Daniel” His mom greeted when she noticed him in the doorway. “This is John” She introduced the man next to her.

“Good morning mom” He answered before he turned to John. “Hi, I’m Dan nice to meet you” He smiled polity. Kayla didn’t even notice that he had entered, because she was engrossed in drawing. She showed John her drawing excitingly and he laughed at something she whispered to him. It was ages since things had been so happy in their house and Dan took an instant liking to whoever that John guy was for that reason.

He got some cereal from the kitchen. He rolled his eyes when he realised that the milk wasn’t in the fridge, but rather on the counter. “Kayla remember to put in the milk!” He yelled to his sister. She groaned in response. The hot milk made the cereal taste bad, so after a couple spoons Dan decided that he was better without. He washed the bowl and wiped his wet fingers on a town next to the sink.

Just when he was about to escape to his room he heard his moms easily recognisable steps behind him so he turned. “I’m sorry for not warning you about that” She said with an apologetic smile and pointed to the living room behind her with her thumb.

“No, it’s fine, don’t worry” Dan answered and looked over her shoulder. “Who is he?” He quizzed. His mom visibly tensed up and sighed. Laughter and banter could be heard from behind them as the sun shines through the open windows. Dan had goosebumps because of the cold, but was enjoying the fresh air.

“It’s a guy I met on an app a couple weeks ago. I know it’s a bit weird, but he was in the area so I decided why not invite him over for some coffee?” She informed. Right after Dan’s dad had died the thought of his mother finding a new man had terrified him, but now it excited him. Dan voiced his feelings and got a hug in response.

When Dan was in his room, he took the opportunity to catch up on his favourite youtubers. He loaded the subscriptions tab and saw that Chris had uploaded a video with PJ called kickthestickz. He clicked on the video and his best friends’ faces appeared on the screen. It was a sketch kind off mocking their shippers and the fan fiction writers. Dan took very offence to the video as he was a kickthestickz shipper himself. So he opened a new tab and typed in 'kickthestickz smut’ into the search bar. When he’s found a fairly disturbing one he copied it and sent it to their group-chat. He got a response right way.

Chris: Ew wtf Dan

PJ: I will personally come over there and strangle u

He snickered before continuing binge watching YouTube videos and a random show on Netflix. Suddenly it was 4 pm and Dan decided that it was time for him to get ready. He replaced his eclipse T-shirt with a white button-up. He decided to keep his black jeans because they could be worn pretty much everywhere with anything. Phil had said that it wasn’t a “proper party”.

He went into the bathroom. On his way he realised that he neither his mom nor Kayla was home. He couldn’t recall them telling him about leaving anytime, but it wasn’t rare, so the brunette didn’t really pay it much thought as he started brushing his teeth. The butterflies in his stomach were going crazy when he thought of the party.

He finished brushing his teeth and wiped off all the toothpaste around his mouth with his sleeve. The sound of the washing machine and some children yelling outside filled the silence as he was staring at himself in the mirror. His slightly bloodshot eyes with bags under them staring right back at him. He kind of liked his eyes, but he admired how people like Phil’s eyes change colour depending on the lighting.

Just when he thought he was ready, he remembered that he hadn’t bought a present. He cursed silently to himself before he got an idea. He rushed to his room and got out a box from under his bed. He removed the cover and got out a painting of a sunrise. It was detailed with sunbeams and an orange tint. Then he picked up another painting of an explosion in space. It was a dark blue background with a blight blue explosion plus stars dotted around.

He looked frantically around after wrapping paper without success so he took a brown paper bad and hoped that it was enough. He put the two paintings inside the bag carefully. Outside the bag he wrote 'to Phil, thank you for inviting me and happy birthday! From Dan’ and drew some flowers quickly, noting in his head that he should draw plants for Phil sometime. He wanted to write something a bit more quirky, but after all they’d just had 2 conversations and he didn’t want to be rude.

He didn’t think it was a good present, he wasn’t that self obsessed, but he didn’t really have many options. It was 4:45 when he was done with that. Phil never said if they were going to eat at his, but just in case not Dan took an apple. Yogurt wasn’t tempting considering that he still had the minty toothpaste taste in his mouth. Not the apple either, but it was the better alternative.

Dan took on his jacket and shoes before taking a step outside with the gift in his hand. The grass outside his house was covered in a thin layer of frost, but the sun was shining brightly. When he looked over to Phil’s house he saw just what he’d seen the other days except now there was another grey cheap-looking car in their driveway. He started to walk towards the ebony haired boys house whilst he took in the fresh air and let the sun warm his little amount of exposed skin.

He took the few steps hesitantly up to Phil’s driveway. When he reached the door, he noticed that they luckily had gotten a doorbell. The doorbell made a soft clinging noise, but presumably loud enough for anyone in the house to hear. Dan nervously counted 15 seconds before the door opened. He was greeted with Phil’s bright smile which both calmed him down and made things worse.

“Happy birthday!” Dan exclaimed, and was taken aback by Phil eho wrapped his arms around him. He soon enough thawed in Phil’s embrace. Phil pulled back after a couple seconds and Dan tried his hardest to hide his disappointment. “Here I brought you something,” He said and handed the black-haired boy the bag with the paintings.

Phil had a pink dad-cap placed on his head, showing just the fringe and the front of his short sides. He noticed that he had one pretty red rose earring in his left ear. His lips looked extra pink except it didn’t look like he had any makeup on. He looked extremely calm and looking at him calmed Dan instantly. Often when Dan saw attractive boys he would feel lust, Phil was still hot, but at that moment he just wanted to softly kiss the boy and to melt in his arms.

“Thank you Dan, but my birthday isn’t before January, I’m just celebrating it now because Jessica is here,” Phil said and moved so he was standing with his back touching the door and his hand motioning for him to enter their still mess of a house. Dan was surprised to see how far they’d come though. “We’ll be in the living room, we’re almost done there” Phil said nicely. Dan followed him into the light themed room.

The walls were white and there were two colourful sheer chairs. The couch looked modern with a light grey shade fabric. The black table right in front of the sofa was covered in a big pizza. In the sofa Jessica and another guy Dan had never seen before were sat chatting about something clearly funny.

Jessica looked up from the boy and met Dan’s gaze. “Hi Dan” She greeted cheerfully.

“Hello Jessica” Dan responded shyly. Jessica had her long ginger hair in two space buns in addition to makeup that did a poor job at hiding her freckles. She had a white plain dress with a red rose on a pocket that was placed on her left chest. It was pretty clear that she was related to Phil. The boy by her side had tan skin with brown hair and brown eyes. He had a black button-up with black jeans and his wrists were covered in some bracelets.

“This is my boyfriend Brendan” Jessica informed him. Dan introduced himself to the brunette. Brendan offered him a warm smile before he shuffled a little closer to Jessica and put his arm lazily around her waist.

“Do you like veggie pizza? I’m vegetarian, so- um” Phil asked seemingly ashamed. Dan wasn’t that surprised, Phil seemed like he cared about animals (or generally just everything) very much. Dan had even considered it himself, but he didn’t have the willpower to stop eating the meat he loved so much. He just nodded in response to the question.

Phil patted his shoulder and went to sit down next to Brendan. Dan followed him like a lost puppy and sat down beside him. Luckily the sofa wasn’t the biggest, he enjoyed the closeness. The shoulder touching and the heat radiating from the ebony haired boy. The birthday boy took a piece of the pizza and motioned for the others to do the same. Phil moaned at the first bite, which sent shivers down Dan’s spine. “I’ll just cheekily open the presents now whilst we eat” Phil said with a grin.

“You’re so damn impatient, I swear you’re a child” Jessica chuckled. Phil hit her playfully in the arm before standing up and getting two presents. One of them being from Dan. He could feel his hands getting clammy and his heart beating faster than it already was. Luckily Phil began to open the other one first. It was neatly wrapped in turquoise wrapping paper. It looked gorgeous next to Dan’s dull brown bag.

Phil opened the gift carefully. The first thing he picked up was a small plastic card. “A gift card to the flower store” He giggled. “Thank you”

“There’s one more thing” Jessica said like he didn’t already know. Phil picked up the next item. It was a black T-shirt with some thick, slight lighter shade of black stripes going vertically. It was intentionally oversized. He hated it when he bought a shirt and it was too big. It always exposed too much of his neck. If Phil’s expression was anything to go by, it looked like he quite liked it.

“Try it on” Brendan demanded excitedly. The boy didn’t object and unexpectedly pulled his blue sweater over his head. Dan totally understood and respected that some people were more open than others. He’d never had a problem with that, but when it’s your crush it’s kind of a problem. Dan let his eyes wander over the boy’s chest. He tried not to, he really did. He observed the small soft-looking hairs and his broad shoulders.

Only a few seconds later the new T-shirt was loosely hanging over his chush’s body. It looked very good on him. Though Brendan beat him to voice that opinion. The comment made Phil beam. “Thank you” Phil responded shyly. The look he gave the guy made Dan jealous and he hoped that he got flustered by the compliment rather than the person it came from. “And now from Dan” Phil’s expression changed from shy to a smirk in just a moment.

The brunette chuckled and informed Phil that it was a bad last minute gift. The only response he got was a dismissive hand gesture. Phil read the note on the bag out loud, which made him smile up at Dan. “Well, thank you for coming” He said with his head tilted a little. He looked down at the bag again. “The rose is beautiful” He complimented, at least sounding genuine. His slim fingers gently opened the decorated bag. Dan studied his expressing as he held a breath.

It was a pleasant surprise when Phil’s eyes lit up. The corner of his lips twitched as he grabbed the top of one of the canvases. He pulled it slowly out like he was teasing Dan, who was trying to calm his nerves. Phil’s little smile turned into a big and bright one when he finally took a look at the sunrise painted on the 10 x 15 cm canvas. “Did you paint this?” He asked with a glint in his eyes. The brunette nodded shyly.

“Oh my god Dan, I love it!” The boy exclaimed, he excitedly pulled out the other painting. His mouth opened as he looked up at Dan again. He placed the gifts carefully on the ground before hurrying to where his neighbour was sat. He embraced him with his hands on Dan’s hips, Dan was caught off guard, but placed his hands around Phil’s neck. If he wasn’t caught off guard then, he sure was when Phil sat down beside him without letting go, with his left leg around Dan. “I love it so much” He informed Dan with the sweetest of voices. Then he pulled back, and looked his friend in the eyes for a few seconds.

Dan felt heat storming to his cheeks. “Thank you,” he said as he ducked his head. The butterflies in his tummy were now impossible to ignore. When Phil looked at him, he felt this strange pang in his chest. Like someone just shot him with a water gun. The jet being very strong, of course. The birthday boy picked up a pizza piece and started biting down on it.

The conversation went easily when Dan forgot his anxious thoughts, he learned loads of new stuff about the boy. Including his full name (which Dan had teased him about, but Phil got his revenge once Dan mentioned his full name), who his old friend used to be, when his birthday was and even heard a story about his ex-boyfriend at some point. All the, probably useless information clung to his brain even though he was really bad at listening. Apparently everything about Phil was stupidly sticking to his brain.

Dan looked out of the window, his eyes widened when he saw that the sun was just minuets from down. The problem with that was that he had been dying to see the total eclipse for so long and he was planning on staying on the roof all night and watch as it happened the next day. He didn’t want to miss it because of some stupid crush. The fact that he was even considering it told him how much he liked the boy though. “Er- I have to go” He spoke up in the middle of Brendan’s sentence.

All three looked up at him with small frowns on their faces, but Phil looked extra disappointed. It made Dan feel bad, it was his birthday after all. “I’ll follow you to the door” Phil announced. That was just normal manners, but a weird manner. Dan knew very well how to get out of a house himself, though spending more time (despite it just being seconds)with his crush was not something he’d object to. Phil got up and started following Dan once he was on his feet. By the time they’d reached the door the sun was almost completely gone. “Can I ask why you had to leave all of a sudden?” He suddenly asks shyly.

Dan hesitates before sighing deeply. “It’s kinda weird really” He admits. “Like nerdy?” He continued more like a question than anything else. Phil furrowed his brows whilst giving Dan a questioning look. “I- well- uh-” He stutters wondering if there’s any way to make it sound cool. “Basically, there’s an eclipse tomorrow. I love space and was planning on staying awake to watch the stars and then the sun set and eh- stuff. I really don’t wanna miss it” He blurts out. He internally cringed at how he worded the sentence, definitely not cool.

“Can I join you?” Phil asks quietly. The most shy Dan had ever seen him actually. He contemplates it. Watching the pretty miracle with someone who was a pretty miracle himself. Both on the inside and outside. He wasn’t opposed to that. Another side-effect Phil had on him was that he actually felt lonely when he was without the ebony-haired boy. Usually he preferred to be alone.

Dan didn’t respond. At least not with words, he just grabbed his neighbours hand, and dragged him with him. He did something between speed-walking and running as they both giggled, he ignored Phil’s questions. Only focusing on where his feet landed next, on his hand that was intertwined with Phil’s and on the beautiful sky. He forgot his dad, he forgot money, he forgot unfinished school work. It was like feeling the butterflies in his stomach fly to make a beautiful mix of colours. Like a cheesy Disney film. He felt the cool air on his face and his feet hurt a little from banging against the hard ground.

They quickly arrived outside Dan’s house and the brunette lead him to the crate. “Follow me Lester” he demanded with a assuring smile. He then started to climb up easily, like he’d done everyday-ish for 4 years. He looked down at Phil, who was biting his lip nervously. Dan held out a helping hand, which he gladly accepted. The boy hesitantly stepped up on the crate. That was easy enough, but Dan still felt his grip on his hand getting tighter and heard his breath getting shaky. “Are you scared of heights?” He questioned.

Phil just pursed his lips as he looked at the roof with a stubborn look. Then he reached up and gripped the edge, but instead of dragging himself up like you’d expect, he just sighed in defeat. “Kinda”, he then admitted shamefully. Dan just smiled kindly at him though, he jumped down again to help his new friend. The sun was not to be seen anymore, and the stars were all around them.

“I’ve gotcha Philip” Dan said with a hand on his shoulder once he was down on the crate. The use of his full name earned him a shove from Phil (not hard though, because even though Phil hated his full name he didn’t want Dan to fall off). Dan decided fuck it as he moved behind Phil and placed his hands softly on his hips. Phil tensed up a moment in shock, before melting in Dan’s grip. “Come on,” He encouraged.

Phil drew a deep breath as he stretched up his arms again to grip the edge. When he’d done that he started to drag himself up. He let out a squeak, but was soon enough on the dark red tiles which forced Dan to let go of his hand. The brunette followed him quickly. When he was up, he shuffled close to Phil, who placed his head on his shoulder. They looked up at the darkness of the night sky. Dan’s heart completely stopped when Phil intertwined their fingers together.

“When’s it gonna happen and how long will it take?” Phil questioned after turning his head up to watch the moon again. Dan noticed from his voice that he was shivering. Of course he was, he’d left his jacket at home. Pretty boy dressed in a big t-shirt as pitch black as the night that surrounded him a cold December night. He would’ve gotten him a jacket or something, but for his own selfish reasons be decided to rather place a protective hand around him. So he did just that.

“Well, the totality will only last about 7,5 minuets, and I don’t know when it’s happen. We'l see.” He answered.

“Can you tell me about it” Phil asked seemingly genuinely interested as he pointed to the moon.

Dan smiled as he started to explain. “Basically around every 18th month the moon covers the sun when it passes by. The reason this doesn’t happen every month is because the moons course is tilted 5 °. You probably know that the sun is bigger than the moon right? If so then you might wonder how the moon can possibly cover the entire sun? Well the sun is 400 times bigger than the moon, but the sun is 400 times further away which makes it look like they’re the same size for us. It will go completely dark, just like now” He paused and pointed at the dark sky. “But when the moon is too far away from the earth in it’s orbit it doesn’t cover the whole sun,  we get an annular eclipse.

When the total eclipse occur it’s more likely to hit the part of the earth that’s covered in water, so this is very rare. People travel from everywhere to see this. Every year the moon moves a little bit away from the earth which means that in the future total solar eclipses will be instinct. My mom got me a pair of special sun glasses that makes me able to look at the sun and the eclipse,  you can’t look at it without them because it can seriously damage your eyes.” He realised how much he was babbling and got a little flustered.

When he looked down at Phil though, he didn’t seem bored, actually he seemed fascinated. He slowly moved his gaze up to the sky again and there they sat. In total silence, a comfortable one. Listening to each others breathing. “Do you sit here often” Phil asked eventually.

“Yeah, It’s my escapism” He answered. Phil nodded sheepishly and started playing with their fingers. “Do you want to listen to some music?” Dan then questioned. In repose he got a enthusiastic nod. He picked up his phone and played some music from his acoustic playlist. He didn’t really feel like it was the right time to play Kanye West or something like that. The soft sound of Ed Sheeran’s voice and guitar escaped the speakers.

“I’m gonna fall asleep at some point” Phil warned. Then his colourful eyes adverted to the edge of the roof. “Or fall down”. A chuckle escaped from both of their lips as Dan tightened his grip around him. Phil fidgeted with Dan’s shirt subconsciously. He smelled like mint and flowers, something Dan could not get enough of. Suddenly they heard the sound of a phone, Dan recognised it as his own notification sound. Phil sat up with the intention of letting Dan lose.

Mom: Hey honey, where are you?

Dan: on the roof with phil, our neighbour.

he didn’t get a response after that, so soon enough his head was on top of Phil’s chest. They laid like that, with Phil’s fingers toying with Dan’s hair for a while, until they heard the front door open. It sounded loud in the silent night. They sat up and closely watched what was presumably Dan’s mother. They could confirm that it was in fact her when she got closer. She had a cheesy picnic basket in her right hand.

“Hey boys”. They greeted her back. Phi,l and Dan’s mom introduced themselves to each other. “Nice to meet you, I brought you some food and other necessaries because I don’t expect you, especially not Dan to be down before the eclipse.” She chuckled. Dan thanked god that she decided to not comment on the small distance between them, as that is a very typical thing for her to do. Not that Dan came noticeably close to boys often. She just left with a sweet smile.

“I like your mom” Phil commented. Dan made a hum sound in agreement before laying down at the cold, hard tiles again. “Kisses or cuddles?” Phil questioned randomly, which made Dan blush. He’d said it so casually, like that was something normal to discuss. When Dan gave it more though, he realised that it was maybe normal for friends to talk about. Phil started to giggle when he saw Dan’s flustered state.

“Er- I like both, but um- if I don’t really like the person it’s better to- um cuddle” He stuttered out. Phil laid down beside him whilst giggling. “Shut up” Dan said and hid his face in his hands. The laughter died down, and Phil softly removed the hands from his neighbours face.

“Would you like to kiss me?” He said with eyes wandering to Dan’s lips before going up to meet his eyes again. All signs told Dan that Phil was serious, and that he didn’t say it because he just wanted to know. That could be him being naive, but you only live once. When you have a possible chance of kissing a boy that you’re dare I say in love with, you should at least try. So he nodded. Phil smiled and awkwardly snuffled to in front of Dan, trying not to fall down.

Dan’s pulse was raising like wild, his hands were sweaty and gross. He tried to wipe them on his pants without it really helping that much. Anxious thoughts went around in his head without any reason to actually be there. Because there was a big chance that Phil liked him back. Phil smiled at him, those pink lips that Dan was allowed to kiss. “Would you like to kiss me?” He questioned back. The smile on Phil’s lips grew significantly in a fond way. Like the thing you done when a child makes you shitty art, but it’s still cute and they want to give it to you. But also like the way you look at someone when they’re your whole world. Phil felt like he was Dan’s whole world at least, even though he’d only lived on that world for a couple days.

Dan’s thoughts were cut of by soft lips on his. An arm around his waist as he held Phil’s shirt in a fist. It was filled with lust and love, a weird combination that he wanted more of. Something about the way Phil held him close was angelic. Wonderful, captivating, mesmerising. It felt like there was an explosion of colours, sweet pastel colours. Dan closed his eyes tightly and pressed his lips harder against Phil’s. Just wanting more, just wanting to be closer, to intertwine and completely melt into each other.

Phil returned the heat. He started to nibble on Dan’s lower lip, who opened his mouth to give access in response.  Tongues started to explore the other’s mouths, hands to explore the other’s bodies and breaths to mesh with each other. Phil mumbled something about Dan being beautiful, but he didn’t quite catch it because he was so busy thinking about everything, but at the same time nothing. All his senses were focused on the feeling of Phil.

They pulled back for air, foreheads pressed against each other. Phil had Dan’s hand in his and fidgeted nervously with it. “So…” He mumbled, a start of a sentence Dan had a feeling that he wouldn’t finish. Not that he felt an extreme want to talk about it himself. There was still the possibility that the boy in front of him didn’t like him. Just kissed boys because that’s what he did. Or, maybe he just wanted to kiss Dan, nothing more. All these thoughts circled in Dan’s mind and he didn’t even consider the idea that the other might want more. Well it did pop up into mind, but he suppressed it because he didn’t want to have high expectations. His thoughts were interrupted by Phil’s voice.