May 24
my heart is just broken in two.
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my heart is just broken in two.
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every cat reminds me of you
my heart is so empty without you
its easy holding yourself together when other ppl are doing it for you. but what happens when my mom leaves town? when my wife goes to work? and im home in the morning by myself. waking up to an empty bed that will stay empty until my wife comes home from work.
brushing my teeth without a little cat at my feet.
making my breakfast without my baby screaming at me for some of it.
i'll sit on the couch and watch supernatural by myself
i'll get on a zoom call with my therapist and my baby wont be my side
what am i supposed to do? how do i live through this pain?
iβve been housesitting & i came home this weekend to cat pee all over my bed. it soaked through everything.
aside: she was being looked after by my inlaws so she wasnt alone at all while iβve been gone.
Artemis, I miss you dearly. Being here without you feels like I'm living a different life. I hope there's a place where we get to have more time together.
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someone told me they were sorry i was still grieving my cat. its only been two months. when am i supposed to stop grieving? i never will. i will never be okay that my baby is gone. i will never not miss her. people think the timeline should be short bc she was a pet. she wasnt a pet. i didnt own her. we found each other. i nursed her back to health. i took care of her. and she took care of me. we were best friends. companions. she was my baby.
i cry every day. every morning i wake up without my baby. i wake up by myself and i cry. i cry because im alone. i cry because i dont have a little gray cat curling up next to me and demanding pets the moment my alarm goes off. i cry because my baby is gone and i can never get her back. she can never come back here.
i thought i could be happy
i felt hopeful
finally the meds were working. therapy was helping. i was shifting my mindset.
then i lost my heart.
the worst pain imaginable. i thought i had years until i felt it.
my baby cat was only 6 years old. a strong fighter til the end. my baby. i thought she'd make it. god why my baby.
only a month later, we lose winston. at least he was a senior. but fuck it still hurts. he was the best boy. the goodest boy.
they were best friends. kind of lol winston adored artemis and artemis tolerated him. they would play sometimes. they'd always touch noses. then winston would do his happy tap dance and artemis HATED it. to be fair, artemis was a pretty severe cat. she hated laughter and dancing. and sneezing and coughing. she loved singing though.
these lil guys are true friends. losing them hurts so hard. i dont know if i'll ever feel joy again, but i hope i do. i know they'd want me to
my mentor gave me a crocheted afghan that she made n its so cozy n perfect n artemis also loves it so its doubly special seeing her enjoy the blanket as well