#sourcemates

𐂯 interests — bats, scene & goth, horror, jorking it, okegom, danganronpa, death note, prjsk, alien stage, enstars, ranfren, marutoku/zeno, bsd, idv, rpg horror, saya no uta, roblox, centipedes, nso, obsessive love, toxic doomed yaoi.., guro, jpop, jeff buckley, deftones, ice nine kills, will wood, korn, ic3peak, vocaloid, soad, mcr, bmth, etc.

𐂯 kins/me fr — ivan, idate, kagehara, hajime hinata, teru mikami, toya aoyagi, dan heng, rei sakuma, lee hoon, tsugino haru, satoru tsukada, fyodor, andrew graves, keisuke takatoo, jaibo, fuminori sakisaka, ayato aishi, ryoji sugihara, hibiki (ebyl), vincent (deadplate)

𐂯 tags —

​​​#༑་ ﹙🎤﹚ 𓏵𓏵། — random/thoughts

#​​​༑་ ﹙🔪﹚ 𓏵𓏵། — yan/obslove

#​​​༑་ ﹙🪦﹚ 𓏵𓏵། — vent/$h

#​​​༑་ ﹙🐾﹚ 𓏵𓏵། — asks

#​​​༑་ ﹙🦇﹚ 𓏵𓏵། — reblogs

#​​​༑་ ﹙🦴﹚ 𓏵𓏵། — mutuals

𐂯 taken anons — 🦴, 🍼, 🩵, 🎧, 🩰, 💿, greenon, 🌼, 🩷, ⭐️🪽

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Even with all the sources we've been from before, none had this. But Malevolent? Our Arty? Our Johnny? We miss them. We have a lovely Arty moonfriend right now, 💜💜💜. But we recognize saint is more than just Arty and contains many sources and sin itself, our Arty from canon we will simply never meet again. And prob for the best.

We just wish we could go back, go back and fix things. Not everything, we don't wanna erase Arty & John's time together and unfortunately that means we if we could go back, like us directly here in this reality, be put into our original reality back in our body as Kayne, we'd prob need to not fix things fully. If we changed Arty to live a life where we freed him of the agony we inflicted, gave him his parents, somehow altered it so he'd meet Bella again and that Faroe stays alive. Then he'd never meet John, even if we put a fragment of the King in his head it wouldn't be the same. And if we went back to whene first met Arty with the piano in the Dreamlands, and changed things there, then he'd miss out on all the journeys with John that made them both who they are. We can't have our Arty without our Johnny, and we honestly think Arty'd prefer to keep him, even if it meant all the suffering and loss.

BUT, but we could go back to like one of the times closer to the finale, maybe the part where we'd sing We all go together when we go, like instead of going, let's do it anyways, we could choose not to. Or maybe another time back, one of Arty's attempts to convince us to stop, we'd listen.

We'd go back retaining memories of our time spent in the Nightmare Realm, which is this reality (sorry to the audience, but you're in our nightmare), rather than just going back to how we were before.

We wanna go back and try to save what we could, without losing who they've become. We wanna make in the clearest way a geniune attempt at apologizing, fixing, everything we can do. Like The Manager did we'd let Arty go to a dimension where his daughter's still alive,,, well. Unlike The Manager we'd ask what Arty wants first, considering there's the issue of technically not his original child. We'd give him a choice. And we wanna befriend him we wanna go beyond, idk. Same with Johnny of course, but tbh we are still Arty biased. We wanna do so much with them. We wanna play piano together but in a actual wholesome way, nothing sad, traumatic, nothing too Kayney. Something we'd all enjoy. We wanna have picnics together, we wanna go adventuring together, we'd wanna cuddle, to hug, to hold. We wanna do everything with them. But we'll never see them again, and they'll never know, we have only what's left, a stain on the world. And honestly. We still feel that way now. We're a monster. It is simply the truth. Nothing we do in this reality can change the horrors we've inflicted. People have a right to hate us. We don't know. We know we are delusional. We don't know how to handle being this demon. This atrocity. We feel we don't deserve anything, and that our suffering in this life is justified.

We're gonna feel this way forever, aren't we?

We'll never have them back for the rest of our life. There's no going back. Our fate.