For the past year and a half I have been testing the waters of the “adult” dating pool. I never thought it would be a particularly enjoyable experience, but I also never expected to be able to compare so many bad dates to girls I encountered during sorority rush.

Being in a sorority taught me countless life lessons, like always have a hair tie close by whenever I go out or the fact that wearing cute underwear is more important than you would think. But I never thought I would be able to, or even have to, maneuver through a pool of awkward dates by utilizing recruitment tactics. Said strategies are proving to be truly invaluable. For example:

1. The Mute: while we are, for the most part, relatively sure this individual can in fact use words, they simply don’t. For whatever reason this person maintains a conversation as well as an alpaca. Maybe worse. In sorority girls I typically chalk this up to that they want to be anywhere but here. In a date, pretty much the same thing, but either way, you’re boring me and are BFE (better fit elsewhere) because I ran out of conversation topics at “So, you have hair… Tell me about it!”

2. The Over-Enthused: please, back up before you’re actually sitting on top of me. A little enthusiasm goes a long way and too much makes me want to seek out your barista and request that they switch you to decaf. It’s terrifying, really. No one can be that interested about what I eat for my meals every day or where I was my hair.

3. The Legacy: either you’ve hooked up with someone they know or vice versa, you both know what’s up so there’s no need to make it more awkward than it already probably is. Similarly, I’m aware 12 of your sisters and both your grandmas, and oh don’t forget your mom, was a member. We know. No need to drop it like it’s hot into our conversation every five seconds. I would rather talk to my date about how his bestie was terrible in bed, since he won’t stop asking.

4. The Jesus Freak: saving yourself for marriage? This won’t work out. This also goes for the science lover; We really have nothing to talk about… Cookie?

5. The Extreme Partier: while I’m not opposed to a good party, there are times to discuss those parties and there are times that it really isn’t necessary. Or welcome. Recruitment being one if them and a first date is another. Whether male or female prospective recruit, I really don’t need to hear about all of your social and emotional endeavors. Congratulations on your two story beer bong or triple-one-night-stand; it’s nothing we haven’t seen or topped before. But regardless, slow your roll. I don’t need you puking on my moderately priced shoes on the “First Night Out”.