tomorrow is the last of my three weeks of appointments. it's arguably the easiest because it's with my longterm psychiatrist (a long ass drive tho but whatever; that's on me for moving and keeping the same psych, LMAO), who never pushed an ill-fitting diagnosis on me, even when i was grappling with immense amounts of physical pain. i'm so thankful for that because i'm truthfully not the person that i was even a few years ago.
it took me a long time to make sense of that. in my late twenties, i was burdened with migraines, severe stomach pain, severe anxiety, and brain fog. this affected many other aspects of my life like a strange tapestry. in my early thirties, i've cut those things down by at least 70%, if i had to measure it somehow. the anxiety is mild to moderate, the stomach pain is mild to moderate, the brain fog is mild, the migraines are rare. i have less to be sad about and exercise nearly every day. i can code beautiful websites (finally!! i have a lotttttt to learn but i'm gaining a foundation) and have people who love me and tell me this regularly.
what now? i don't have the same sadness to write about. it isn't palpable anymore—it is more of a memory and dream-like. i mostly think about the people in my life and the career that i want to build, as well as my little hobbies now and then. i think that i'll always love gaming, high fashion, art, and reading. even when i'm not writing, i'm always an artist.
that's all. remember to have hope because the future is really fucking unpredictable
