#sonofthearrow

“ Let’s just go home, come on, Bain. Bain come on. We’ve gotta go home, Ma’s gonna be mad if we’re late.”

She was not allowed to be angry. She had no right to be jealous but as Tilda starred at the framed pictures on her brother’s wall she could feel another feeling rising inside her stomach, something different from the pain and the fear that had accompanied her to this place. Something coiled up and burning, like a dragon, something ugly and disturbing. She could hear Wilhelm’s voice from the other room, drifting towards her. Was he arguing with Brian? Was her brother angry with her for coming without any notice? He had every right to be angry. Tilda closed her eyes as she took a deep breath in, trying to calm her heart. But it beats almost faster than her thoughts are racing and she does not know if there will ever be an escape from those doubts. She should have figured it out before coming here. Ida had always been so good, so pure and warm, like a shining light she had entered her brother’s life all those years ago and though she came out of nowhere, like a comet passing through the night sky, she had won the Girion’s hearts by storm. Her brother fell in love and she remembered hearing from Sigrid how glad the older was that Brian had found a woman like Ida. That had been before it all, though. All those years Tilda had wondered what her son was doing, what her older siblings were thinking of her for abandoning him. But she had never thought of Ida. Ida holding him at night when he was scared of the dark. Ida driving him to his first day of school, cheering him on during a sports game... Ida being what he needed, a mother, all the things Tilda herself could not be for him. And now, as she looked at the pictures of a happy family, of her son as a young child in the arms of another woman Tilda wanted to hate Ida for what came so natural to her. She wanted to hate her for all the warmth that radiated off this woman, for her laughter and the smiles, for how she had shared one glance with Tristan when Tilda introduced herself to him, how she had placed a hand on his shoulder. So comforting, so protecting... Tilda wanted to hate Ida. But she knew, deep inside and even on the surface, that she could not do such a thing. She knew that she was supposed to thank Ida for all she had done, she knew that Ida would not accept her thanks. You do not thank the sun for its light. Because the sun gives what has to be given. Ida saw a boy in need of a mother and, judging from what Tilda now saw in this house, on these pictures, she had not hesitated to be that mother. And even though it hurt, Tilda loved her for it.

“They grow so fast, don’t they? Time seems to fly when you look at the children.” 

this is why people think we’re crazy

First Wil and now him. She could not  - she did not want to - bear all this without crying out for god’s mercy. How was it possible that everyone found it so easy to leave her behind?  “Bain! Listen to me, I beg you.”, Tilda had prepared an entire speech to sway his mind, she knew it was fruitless but if he left and... and died on the other side of the channel she would never forgive herself for not trying hard enough. “There are ways for you to skip military service, to... to stay with us. You are the heir of our name, you are needed here! Surely father does not wish to see you so far away from us!”

“Also, you’re grounded.”

“Eat. I know you gave Tilda your share.”