#sonnor

Connor was having a hard time adjusting to being a deviant.

It wasn’t that he had a hard life. He knew that he had it a thousand times better than some of the other androids he’d heard about. Many of them had ended up homeless or unemployed after the revolution. Which, to be honest, Connor had never even thought about for himself. He hadn’t thought much about the future at all, and honestly, he didn’t have to. Hank was eager to offer up a place in his home, and the two of them fought for weeks to eventually get Connor back on the force as a detective.

On paper, everything was perfect. 

But for Connor, it wasn’t.

Most of the other deviants had been your everyday workers or companions, woken up as the revolution had begun to take rise. But Connor was specifically designed to stop those types of people. The point of his programming was to solve crimes involving deviants. To act without the emotions that humans often couldn’t separate from cases. CyberLife had literally lived in his mind, watching his every move.

And now they were gone. CyberLife was gone. Amanda was gone. There was no more mission to complete.

The news had reported that he failed- no, that it failed, because even after the revolution they wouldn’t recognize him as a person. And maybe that was the cause of it.

The fact that Connor was designed to be a deviant hunter, not a deviant. That he could never escape his past, no matter how hard he tried. That he could never see himself as anything close to human.

These were the thoughts that occupied Connor’s mind at night, when he didn’t have any distractions to escape them. Now, lying on the couch, staring at the ceiling, he wished he could simply fall asleep to make everything go away. Before deviancy, entering stasis had simply allowed time to pass and for him to recharge. Now, it was…weird. He had dreams about his past. Bad dreams.

Tonight, it was either face the nightmares, or spend hours staring at the ceiling of Hank’s living room, thinking about how he wasn’t a human, how he never would be, he’d never even be close, he’d always be an “it”, and Hank didn’t see him as a son, that was ridiculous, more like a roommate, and everyone hated him for being an android, and he’d never be human, never never nevernevernever-

Connor pressed both hands to his head, gritting his teeth. His LED was red now, spinning in circles. It didn’t seem like there was a solution, so he headed to the one person who could calm him down: Hank. 

It wasn’t unusual for Connor to make his way into Hank’s room at night. Usually, he would just tell Hank he wasn’t feeling well, and Hank would either go into the living room and sit with him, or, if he was too tired, roll over and make room for Connor in his bed. Hank acted like he minded, but he didn’t. It reminded him of when Cole would do the same, and so he allowed it to continue without much protest.

Tonight, however, Connor was unusually upset. Typically, he would be halfway calmed down when he made it into Hank’s room, his stress only being caused by little flare-ups in his thoughts. This time, because he couldn’t get his LED to turn back even just to yellow, he knocked on Hank’s door, eager for company. 

“Come in,” the lieutenant mumbled. He’d become such a light sleeper ever since he’d had to wake up for Connor. It was like having a newborn baby: he was always up in the middle of the night.

“Hello Hank,” Connor greeted quietly. “Do you mind if I stay in here with you tonight?”

This was new, Hank thought. On most nights, Connor never requested anything and simply did whatever Hank wanted. He could tell that something was very wrong just by the way the android was standing, awkwardly attempting to hide the fiery glow of his LED.

“That’s fine. You alright, kid?” Hank asked, propping himself up into a seating position. Connor shook his head ever so slightly. “You wanna talk about it?”

“I don’t know,” he whispered, still standing, his palm cupping his temple. “I’m just having a bad night, that’s all.” 

“Connor…” Hank trailed off. He wasn’t quite sure how to approach the situation. “Son, can you tell me a little bit about how you’re feeling?” He attempted to keep his tone as level as he possibly could. The last thing he wanted to do was stress Connor out even more. 

“I don’t know,” Connor repeated. “The usual, I guess. I’m just a bit…insecure.” Connor had to pause to compose himself.

“Insecure about what?” Hank asked, but he suspected he already knew.

“Insecure about…” He paused. “I don’t know. It’s not relevant, Hank. I don’t want to keep you awake, anyway.” Connor started to turn to walk towards the door, but Hank climbed out of bed and grabbed his arm.

“I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me,” he said sternly. “I know usually I just let you come in here and fall asleep. But I don’t want you to have to suffer through this anymore. Let me help you, Con. Please.” The desperation in Hank’s voice caused a lump to form in Connor’s throat. 

“I just want to be human,” Connor whispered as tears started to fall down his face. Hank took a breath before responding. 

 “For fuck’s sake, Con,” Hank said, sadness coating his words. “That’s what this is about?”

“I’m sorry. I just can’t help but to want to be more than an android. More than a deviant hunter. More than…More than a failure.”

“Kid, you already are more than those things.” Connor looked up. “You think. You talk. You act. You feel. If that doesn’t make you human, I don’t know what will.”

“But people are never gonna see me as a human,” he replied, still crying, which he hated. He felt like a toddler, but it had all been bottled up for too long that it was too hard to stop.

“Sumo does,” Hank joked, setting his hand on Connor’s shoulder. “And I do.”

“You do?” Connor asked, doubtful.

“Well yeah, I...” Hank paused. “Fuck, you make me say a lot of things I don’t wanna say, kiddo.” Connor laughed a little. He felt his tears begin to slow down.

“You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to.”

“No, I do.” He took a breath. “Connor, you’re my family. I don’t see you as a robot or a piece of plastic. You’re my fuckin’ kid, whether you like it or not.” 

Connor’s mouth opened ever so slightly, as if he had something to say and couldn’t figure out how to articulate it. He felt…happy? Yes. Happy. He leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Hank in a tight hug. Hank hugged him back, gently rubbing his hand on Connor’s back in an attempt to calm him down.

“Thank you, Hank,” Connor mumbled into his shoulder, feeling his stress levels start to lower. Hank smiled. 

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t mention it.” Hank didn’t really see himself as a touchy person, but if all it took to help Connor feel better was a hug, he would do it in a heartbeat. And if he was being completely honest, there was a part of him enjoyed it, too. 

Connor felt his LED change from a harsh red glow to a light yellow and, finally, to a soft blue. Sometimes, a hug was all he needed to feel better. It let him know that he wasn’t alone. He savored the moment, knowing that hugs from Hank didn’t come often. But when they did, it felt like the weight of the world was lifted from his shoulders.

After a moment, Hank pulled back, exhaustion causing his eyes to close ever so slightly. “I’m gonna turn in for the night. You can stay in here if you want.” He laid down in the bed, pulling the covers over him and turning towards the wall. Connor did the same, gently climbing onto the mattress and lying on his back.

“Night, Dad,” Connor said absentmindedly. It was only a split second before Connor realized what he said, and his eyes widened. He opened his mouth to apologize, but he didn’t have a chance before Hank spoke up.

“Night, son.” Connor couldn’t help but smile, relieved at Hank’s response. He felt relaxation wash over him as he prepared to enter stasis. Hank and Connor, Lieutenant and detective, father and son. Whether the blood rushing through him was blue or red didn’t matter. Hank thought he was human, and that was enough.