Evil Angel by Breaking Benjamin
Dare I say that Sam is Dean's religion and after he leaves him to start his own life at uni, all Dean can ask for is that his babyboy won't forget him... In a way, Dean is glad Sam left and is safe and trying to live a life that Dean couldn't, but, God, the pain of having the only person you truly love put you behind and only refer to you in the past tense, only ever as a memory? That's pain that Dean isn't too sure he can withstand.
But ofc he tries his best to stay together, to be stable enough for his dad to depend on him, yet he always feels inadequate without Sammy there to idolize him.
Dean lives for the applause (except Sam is the only one clapping).
Dean was Sam's guidance but now Sam is searching for a new life, a better life. A life that doesn't involve his big brother... Dean can't help it if his love for Sam is all-consuming like a,, cancer.
Can I speak my truth about Sam worshipping God with all his might but somewhere deep down he feels like he's betraying his brother, his hero.
Sam made friends only to appear normal, he enjoyed it ofc – the human connection, but in the end he never really felt at home or like he truly fit in. He was always out of place. And so in a way he felt like he was betraying Jess as well by being with her but always yearning for Dean, his real home, to be at his side.
Basically he lives in misery because no matter his choices, he always feels like he's betraying someone close to him.
Those years at Stanford he would sit at his bedside and pray to God to give him the strength to not go back to Dean and the life his family calls ordinary.
When you beg death to take you because your brother died and without him you'd run out of oxygen like a flame in a bubble
“Why can't I breathe, evil angel?” He asked, clutching at his chest, wheezing over his brothers unmoving body.