#somethingelsecomic

Something Else, Part 3/4

I promise I am NOT being an overthinker when I say the wording we use influences how we think about things!!!! Personally, I find that shifting the way I refer to myself, my aromanticism, and my attachments to others over the years has been so important. But more on that in the final part ;)

Idk if the feeling of being second or deprioritized in a societal sense, has persistently haunted any other aros out there. It’s been emphasized to me on a few occasions during my upbringing (gotta love arophobia 🙃), but I wonder if it’s a part of general amatonormativity in culture at large.

I don’t want to end on a dark note, though - so if you were wondering who those are for 2 and 3, those are some of my OCs lol. The characters on podium 2 end up in a QPR like after their main story ends, and the girl on podium 3 is one of my alloaro ocs and I love her 😄

[Image Descriptions:

Slide 1: Celia speaks to the reader, with an annoyed expression, “Also, the phrase ‘something more’ is just so amatonormative”

Slide 2: She continues, “It explicitly states there’s something lesser about relationships that aren’t romantic”

Slide 3: “And it implies, more insidiously, that romance is a higher form of achievement.”

A series of characters are drawn on a podium in an abstracted example. At the number 1 spot are a boy and a girl implied to be dating. The boy has a green shirt, tan pants, blond hair and blue eyes. The girl has tan skin, long dark hair, and a pleated blue dress. 

On the number 2 spot are two of Celia’s characters. On the left is a girl with light skin and chin-length dark hair tied with two space buns in the back. She is wearing a lavender crop top and blue jeans. Next to her is her “best friend”, a non-binary person with longer, shaggy brown hair and glasses. They are wearing a dark blue overshirt, a mauve T-shirt, and yellow shorts. They have each other’s arms around their shoulders. 

On the number 3 spot is another one of Celia’s characters. She is canonically Alloaro, and remains unpartnered at the end of the story she exists in (though this is not shown on the slide). She has long curly light brown hair, freckles, and is wearing a teal shirt and loose black skirt. She stands on her own. 

Slide 4: Celia continues speaking pensively, looking off to the side. 

“It’s upsetting to me, because in some ways it’s almost like a reminder, that by refusing to be anyone’s romantic partner, I’ll always be … second.” 

Slide 5: “Second rate, second best, a second choice.” 

Something Else, Part 1/4

Hey everyone … so, I’m alive. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? There’s a lot to share in terms of personal updates, and originally I was thinking of getting all of the big news out of the way first. But honestly, I thought about it, and I realized what I missed most was being present in the community again 💚 and I’ve been missing being able to talk to y’all - so I’ll be sharing this and a few other comics first …

(All will be made clear, I promise, I’m just having fun being a bit mysterious rn :p)

I wrote this comic almost half a decade ago, and though I just finished it last year the sentiment of this comic feels just as resonant as it did back then. I’ve always found interpersonal relationships to be something full of depth and nuance regardless of relationship category - and to a younger aro version of myself, I was deeply puzzled by the apparently very different way Society at large seemed to want to categorize how strongly people should feel about others instead. But maybe that’s just the aromanticism speaking 😉

I’m curious, to any other arospecs reading (and non-aro folk too I’m curious what you think) - how do you treat the idea of “valuing” your bonds with others? Do you feel like your orientation or other experiences shape how you approach interpersonal relationships?

[Image Descriptions:

Slide 1: “One day, I was talking with my Aroace friend on the bus -” 

A drawing of a younger Celia and her friend. Celia is depicted with long dark hair, a green T-shirt, and holding a black backpack on her lap. Her friend has similar long hair, a pink tank top and blue jean shorts. An arrow points at Celia, reading “me, age 19-ish”. The conversation reads: 

Celia: “You know what I don’t really get?”

Friend: “What?”

Celia: “Why in books and whatever they always allude to romance as “Something More” than friends

Slide 2: The current comic version of Celia speaks to the reader. She is wearing a green shirt with a white scalloped collar, tied in the front with a yellow ribbon. Her hair is chin length and wavy, with a lighter brown to darker brown ombre. 

“That phrase always bothered me as a kid - it didn’t make any sense.”

Slide 3: She holds her finger up to her chin, pondering. “Why would a romantic partner be valued more than a friend? Shouldn’t they all matter?”

Slide 4: A small drawing of Celia shrugs at the bottom of the panel as she says, “Or at least, shouldn’t the value placed on the relationship depend on the people involved and the circumstances, not just the type of relationship?”

Above her are a bunch of scenarios depicted in a simple sketch style. These include: 

Best Friend of 10+ Years - have fought 2 times but have made up. The image depicted is of the main “character” in this example, a person with chin length spiky hair. Their best friend is a girl with light spiky hair in a ponytail. They have their arms around each other’s shoulders. 

Childhood Friends - the main “character” speaks to a girl with long braids and beads. She asks, “So what’s new?”

New friend who supported you through the roughest patch of your life - A curly haired person wearing a turtleneck comforts the main “character” here who is sobbing into their hands. They say “And if you ever need help with [scribble] I’m here”, and “It’s gonna be ok …” 

Seen each other on and off for 12 years - The main “character” is drawn next to a taller individual with spiky light hair. A heart is drawn between them but a number of question marks surround the two. 

Dating for almost 2 years - A girl with a long ponytail kisses the main “character” on the cheek, who is blushing. The text below reads “will move in together in a month” 

A number of arrows between the different scenarios have comments to express the nuances inherent to these different, difficult to directly compare relationships. These include:

Between the Best Friends and the New Friend, where the comment reads “It’s not equivalent (but like should it be?)”

Between the Best Friend and Childhood Friends, where the comment reads “What if they helped you two make up?”

Between the Best Friend and Dating, where the comment reads “Can this be compared?”. The arrow is scribbled out

A one way arrow points from the Dating to the Seen each other on and off scenario. The comment reads “or this?”, in reference to the Best Friends and Dating arrow comment. 

Something Else, Part 2/4 - In Which Past People Are Brought Up

It’s funny, how sometimes you could know, even in the absence of words or acknowledgement that your identity could exist, isn’t it?

I feel like I’ve talked about the experience of having a squish or Platonic Feelings (TM) and not being able to articulate it before - so I won’t go on about that one this time 😆  I guess all I have to say is that I wanted to share two really impactful moments from my teen years, and leave a record of the moments of intense platonic attachment I felt as a young aro person.

If there’s one comment I want to add now, it’s that I wish I grew up in a time where things like aromanticism were understood (not to say it’s well understood now LOL, but at least it’s a word somebody’s heard or has the ability to kind of comprehend). Like, I wonder if things would have been different, if I could have told either of these people that I wanted something more like a QPR with them at that time. If that would have given me the chance to experience reciprocated emotional intensity in the way it was more accessible to my peers.

[Image Descriptions:

Slide 1: Celia looks off to the side, holding her elbow with her other hand. 

“But the term “something more” hurt because it just … wasn’t true, in my case. I never saw romance as an add-on to Friendship.” 

Slide 2: “I did want to be “more than friends” with some people in my life” 

A scene from Celia’s teenage years is depicted. Teen Celia (around age 14) is depicted wearing a red hoodie and black joggers. They reach out to a childhood classmate, who is standing a few feet away leaning against a wall. He is wearing a black T shirt with a frog on it. 

Celia reaches out, saying “Hey wait [redacted] I’m sorry for everything … I think I want - (shit, what do I want?)”. 

A side note on the page says: “I wanted to ask for something, or at least say how I felt, but I couldn’t figure out how - and I never did”. Another note points towards the guy which says “The Guy I had a squish (TM) but didn’t know how to articulate it at the time. 

Slide 3: Current Celia continues speaking, “I wanted to be close to these people. I wanted to spend a lot of time with them, plan parts of my life with them. I wanted that commitment.” 

Slide 4: She continues, “And I knew, at a gut level, that what I wanted wasn’t romantic.” 

Slide 5: “The thought of dating them felt so wrong,” 

The scene jumps back to a moment from Celia’s teen years. They are in the car, holding a phone with a floating graphic in the panel showing the text received. It reads “Would you ever consider me to be your gf?”. 

Celia looks conflicted, and a bit sad. They say, “You know I’d do anything for you, [redacted]. So why does the thought of saying yes feel so … wrong?” 

Something Else, Part 4/4

Annnnd that’s it, y’all! Thanks for coming with me on this journey 💚💚💚 I feel like I’ve said most of what I wanted to say on the topic of aromanticism & what not in the comic, and I very much feel the same all these years later 🐸✨

HUGE shout out to my friend featured here btw, for telling me about the term and for inspiring this whole comic. She’s Very Cool 🐸🐸🐸 Not only is she a 2nd degree black belt, she’s also a talented fashion designer, seamstress, quilter, sewing machine repair woman … and a wonderful friend, who fosters so much connection in her communities 💚 If you’re reading this, C, you’re the best!!!

[Image Description:

Slide 1: The scene switches back to the scene from Celia’s early adulthood, talking with her friend on the bus.

“So then, my friend said to me -” 

The shot is focused on the friend who is speaking to Celia. She says, “Personally, I love it when authors use the term “something else” to describe the change in relationship from platonic friendship to romance.” 

Slide 2: “I remember lighting up when she said that. I liked that phrase a lot more.” 

The shot switches to show Celia’s face now. She says “woah!” with a surprised smile. 

Slide 3: “Because, I think, it’s the most accurate. Romance is just a different kind of relationship you can have with a person.” 

The abstracted scene from before with the characters are depicted again, but with the couple and the best friends now on even, non numbered individual plinths. The best friends are talking with the non-binary person on the phone, and the couple are depicted holding hands. 

Slide 4: “I hope that people start using “something else” more often.”

Celia and her friend continue their conversation on the bus. A number of faded conversation bubbles in the background can be scene, showing snippets of discussion about other books the friend had read, Celia’s thoughts on Pokemon Mystery dungeon, and representation for aspec characters in literature. 

Slide 5: Celia speaks to the reader, with her arms crossed but with a smile on her face, “I know it seems silly to think that such a simple phrase can matter or make a difference. But words and language do matter. They influence how we think, how we perceive the world.” 

Slide 6: She gestures out with one hand as she gives an example, “As I’ve said before, I didn’t even realize I could be Aro because there was no word given for it.”