#regularcomic

Chinese Canadian, Part 2/3

I don’t actually have much to say about this part that I haven’t already covered in the comic 🤔 Maybe just that I’ve thought further about the stereotypes I’ve drawn here, and I wonder how much being exposed to them had influenced my perception of myself a few years ago … though I’m not sure how I would articulate it in the context of this post description 😅

Maybe it’s the performance of feminity and sexuality to contend with an “unconventional” orientation (allosexual + aromantic)? Feeling like there’s something to prove to try and break away from stereotypes? Much to think about 🤷🏻

But yeah to any other EA folks out there please let me know if you know what I’m talking about or if it’s just me haha

[Image Descriptions:

Slide 1: Celia speaks towards the reader, rubbing the back of her head with one hand as she looks off to the side. 

“People have always kind of just … assumed things about me because I’m Chinese.” 

Slide 2: “Growing up, people who didn’t know me well would speak to me in a way that assumed I came from a strict family, with “tiger mom” kind of parents (even though that couldn’t be further from the truth)”

A scene from Celia’s younger years, where she has longer dark hair left down. A classmate speaks to her while they sit on the floor of a gymnasium. The classmate says ‘... and of course I’m not allowed to try ONE hobby she thinks is useless. Asian moms, am I right?’. She responds ‘My parents don’t act like that …’ 

Slide 3: The shot jumps back to the current comic version of Celia, who is leaning over a poster board that says “Stereotypes” in bold red lettering. Some common stereotypes are illustrated and described below (which will be explained in the next slide). 

She says, “But unfortunately, those aren’t the only stereotypes.”

Slide 4: An overview of the poster Celia held. The narration at the top says “East Asian women specifically are often subject to a few common stereotypes.”

Three of these stereotypes are depicted: 

The “Lotus Blossom” - a meek girl wearing a Japanese Kimono style garment is shown kneeling on the ground. A note points to her ‘Feminine, delicate, submissive’ with an underlined emphasis on submissive. A side note reads: ‘I think this is also, at least, related to how East Asians as a whole are seen as shy + childish’

The “Dragon Ladies” - a glamorous woman with a sultry expression, glamorous makeup and wavy hair is drawn. She has a dragon tattoo going down one arm, wears a tight black dress that emphasizes her cleavage, and has a dagger strapped to one thigh. The note points to her reading ‘very fierce, mysterious, sexually alluring, plus [is] a gold digger’

The “‘ABG’/Asian Baby Girl” - A more modern looking woman with light brown hair and grown out roots poses as though she is having her photo taken. She wears a tight asymmetrical black crop top and matching black high waisted short skirt. The note reads ‘Outgoing, loves partying, fashion, and sex’. 

Slide 5: Celia speaks to the reader again. She has her arms crossed and her expression is unimpressed. 

“Obviously, I can’t cover the nuances in this comic, but there’s a lot to unpack here.”

Slide 6: She continues, now gesturing outwards with one hand, “To start off, I think part of how being Chinese complicates my aromanticism is the way that my behaviour is read as ‘shy and reserved’ … due to the dichotomy in stereotypes. I’m not really the “Asian Bad Girl”,”

Slide 7: “- therefore it’s a lot easier to read me as Shy and Demure “good” girl (bleh) from a traditional family. Which in turn is ascribed as the reason why I’m not showing any active interest in anyone.” 

In the background are the cards from the previous stereotype drawings. The card with the “Lotus Blossom” girl is stacked on top of the card with the “ABG/Asian Baby Girl”. 

Slide 8: Celia rants with her hands held out in front of her, “Worse yet, when I’ve professed a general lack of interest in flirting/pursuing relationships, other Asian diaspora have assumed, or even straight up told me, that my general discomfort towards romance is rooted in my so-called traditional upbringing … that I literally didn’t have.” 

Slide 9: 

A split panel slide. On the top panel, Celia sits at a desk now, working on a different comic. She has a computer screen in front of her with a script, and draws on the iPad in front of her. Off to the side is a phone holder, a teacup, and a sketch of herself on a piece of paper, with notes scrawled around the drawing. 

On the panel below, a close up of the sketch is shown. The drawing depicts the current comic Celia in a sketchier style. Most of the notes scrawled around are unclear, but a few words indicate something along the lines of “small”, “cute”, “Not into [anyone]”, but most notably a bar across her face reads “good girl?” 

Chinese Canadian, Part 1/3

So we begin! Since I was asked (years ago atp) this question about the intersection of my identity as Chinese Diaspora with my orientation, I realized there was a LOT going on there - and as a person who loves to think too much about aromanticism 🐸🐸🐸 I’ve been really excited about sharing this series!!!

But yeah, I did want to say I recognize that there are weird undertones to some of my parents behaviours - even if I would be considered lucky for not having harsh “tiger” parents 😅 Please don’t take this portrayal as me saying I think this is better, or the comments on slide 5 are okay … this is just the reality of my life, it did shape my relationship with my culture, **and I want to depict it as honestly as possible 🤷🏻

To end off on a lighter (?) note: Yes, the Updates being alluded to previously. I am not actually a girl sorry about that y’all. I will talk more about this once I’m done posting this batch of comics but for the time being just go with whatever’s in my bio, don’t worry about it 😉

I’m curious, for all my other aro folk (and I guess not aro queer people if you’re reading this?) how do you feel your cultural background intersected with your identity, if at all?

[Image Descriptions:

Cover: An image of Celia, wearing a rich teal-green Qi Pao dress with golden yellow accents. Her hair is held in a half up style, with a traditional chinese hairpin featuring an orange chrysanthemum pinned in her ponytail. She is also wearing jade earrings and has a warm red ochre eyeliner, and a white ring on her right middle finger. 

She holds a red and yellow fan up to her chest as she stands diagonally on an angle on the cover. Bold red lettering falls on either side of her body in both English and Chinese. One side says “Chinese” in both languages, while the other says “Canadian”. The entire cover is framed within golden Chinese style decorative borders. 

Slide 1: Celia speaks directly to the reader, “I put, in my very first comic, that I am Chinese Canadian, on top of being gray-aromantic and a girl.” 

There is an asterisk next to the word girl. A small note in the corner reads: “So … funny story I’m not a girl actually but my point still stands.” 

Slide 2: A split panel shows her looking off to the side, then back up to the reader as she continues speaking. 

“I don’t know what everyone else thinks when they read those two words together - and to be honest, I don’t know what I think when I remember I’m Chinese, either.”

Slide 3: “The thing is, I’m not really that connected to Chinese culture (or even share a similar experience to other descendants of Chinese immigrants in North America).”

She sits on the floor, surrounded by a plethora of culturally relevant objects from her childhood. These include the following: 

A calendar with an illustration of a rabbit in a traditional art style, representative of the Chinese Zodiac calendars often given out at Lunar New Year at Chinese grocery stores. 

A bottle of “Florida Water” cologne, tiger balm, and eagle oil 

A clay pot and rabbit sculpture 

A comb, a traditional Qi Pao, and vintage purses 

A Chinese calligraphy practice sheet, ink block, and brush 

Slide 4: “My mother had always hated Chinese culture (due to the fact she was bullied a lot for being outspoken and independent when she grew up), so she kept me away from it as a child.”

The shot switches to a scene from Celia’s childhood. A young version of Celia is guided by her mother (whose face is not visible in the panel) away from a group of people talking in front of a chalkboard at Chinese school. 

She says to her child: “They’re judgemental, shallow, and will stab you in the back in the nastiest way possible - I’m doing you a favour here.” 

Slide 5: A continued montage of scenes from childhood split into multiple panels. 

The first panel’s narration says: “My parents don’t have a lot of expectations for me, they definitely never cared if I did well in school. “ 

The scene shows the child version of Celia holding a report card to her parents. She says ‘I got mostly A’s and B’s but I only got a C in Social Studies’. Her mom looks vaguely unimpressed, and says ‘Cool, thanks for telling us. That’s okay, but you could do better … pay more attention in class next time.’ Her dad just says ‘eh’. 

The second panel’s narration says: “They never forced me to do any extracurriculars or sports.” 

The scene shows Celia reading on the bed. Off screen, a parent says ‘you really should participate in more activities, it doesn’t even have to be sports’. She says ‘I don’t want to’, and the parent just responds ‘ok, if you absolutely won’t …” 

The third panel’s narration says “They never wanted to show off my achievements either.”

The scene shows a teen version of Celia holding up a card, saying ‘Mama, baba, I have a 95 average! And I’m the head of [redacted] now!]. A parent off screen responds ‘That’s a lot, we wish you wouldn’t push yourself this much’, to which they reply ‘oh…’  

Slide 6: The shot jumps back to the current Celia, who is speaking at the reader again with an incredulous expression. She says, “They even strongly encouraged me to find a boyfriend in highschool for, and I quote, ‘experience’,” while making air quotes with her hands. 

Slide 7: Celia continues, holding a finger up to her face while she ponders. 

“So when asked to cover “Traditional Asian Thoughts” and how they affected my identity … I almost wanted to say I’m not qualified to talk about it.” 

Slide 8: She says, “But after thinking about it some more, I realized that even though I personally haven’t been subjected to a lot of the stereotypical traditional East Asian beliefs from my family or community -” 

An asterisk is put next to the “East Asian Beliefs”. A small note in the corner reads “To clarify, I’m not even 100% sure if I know what they exactly are. I’m really removed from East Asian diaspora culture and I don’t have many East Asian friends who are actually in touch with their culture.” 

Slide 9: “It still affects how other people see me, and by extension, my aromanticism.” 

Something Else, Part 3/4

I promise I am NOT being an overthinker when I say the wording we use influences how we think about things!!!! Personally, I find that shifting the way I refer to myself, my aromanticism, and my attachments to others over the years has been so important. But more on that in the final part ;)

Idk if the feeling of being second or deprioritized in a societal sense, has persistently haunted any other aros out there. It’s been emphasized to me on a few occasions during my upbringing (gotta love arophobia 🙃), but I wonder if it’s a part of general amatonormativity in culture at large.

I don’t want to end on a dark note, though - so if you were wondering who those are for 2 and 3, those are some of my OCs lol. The characters on podium 2 end up in a QPR like after their main story ends, and the girl on podium 3 is one of my alloaro ocs and I love her 😄

[Image Descriptions:

Slide 1: Celia speaks to the reader, with an annoyed expression, “Also, the phrase ‘something more’ is just so amatonormative”

Slide 2: She continues, “It explicitly states there’s something lesser about relationships that aren’t romantic”

Slide 3: “And it implies, more insidiously, that romance is a higher form of achievement.”

A series of characters are drawn on a podium in an abstracted example. At the number 1 spot are a boy and a girl implied to be dating. The boy has a green shirt, tan pants, blond hair and blue eyes. The girl has tan skin, long dark hair, and a pleated blue dress. 

On the number 2 spot are two of Celia’s characters. On the left is a girl with light skin and chin-length dark hair tied with two space buns in the back. She is wearing a lavender crop top and blue jeans. Next to her is her “best friend”, a non-binary person with longer, shaggy brown hair and glasses. They are wearing a dark blue overshirt, a mauve T-shirt, and yellow shorts. They have each other’s arms around their shoulders. 

On the number 3 spot is another one of Celia’s characters. She is canonically Alloaro, and remains unpartnered at the end of the story she exists in (though this is not shown on the slide). She has long curly light brown hair, freckles, and is wearing a teal shirt and loose black skirt. She stands on her own. 

Slide 4: Celia continues speaking pensively, looking off to the side. 

“It’s upsetting to me, because in some ways it’s almost like a reminder, that by refusing to be anyone’s romantic partner, I’ll always be … second.” 

Slide 5: “Second rate, second best, a second choice.” 

Something Else, Part 1/4

Hey everyone … so, I’m alive. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? There’s a lot to share in terms of personal updates, and originally I was thinking of getting all of the big news out of the way first. But honestly, I thought about it, and I realized what I missed most was being present in the community again 💚 and I’ve been missing being able to talk to y’all - so I’ll be sharing this and a few other comics first …

(All will be made clear, I promise, I’m just having fun being a bit mysterious rn :p)

I wrote this comic almost half a decade ago, and though I just finished it last year the sentiment of this comic feels just as resonant as it did back then. I’ve always found interpersonal relationships to be something full of depth and nuance regardless of relationship category - and to a younger aro version of myself, I was deeply puzzled by the apparently very different way Society at large seemed to want to categorize how strongly people should feel about others instead. But maybe that’s just the aromanticism speaking 😉

I’m curious, to any other arospecs reading (and non-aro folk too I’m curious what you think) - how do you treat the idea of “valuing” your bonds with others? Do you feel like your orientation or other experiences shape how you approach interpersonal relationships?

[Image Descriptions:

Slide 1: “One day, I was talking with my Aroace friend on the bus -” 

A drawing of a younger Celia and her friend. Celia is depicted with long dark hair, a green T-shirt, and holding a black backpack on her lap. Her friend has similar long hair, a pink tank top and blue jean shorts. An arrow points at Celia, reading “me, age 19-ish”. The conversation reads: 

Celia: “You know what I don’t really get?”

Friend: “What?”

Celia: “Why in books and whatever they always allude to romance as “Something More” than friends

Slide 2: The current comic version of Celia speaks to the reader. She is wearing a green shirt with a white scalloped collar, tied in the front with a yellow ribbon. Her hair is chin length and wavy, with a lighter brown to darker brown ombre. 

“That phrase always bothered me as a kid - it didn’t make any sense.”

Slide 3: She holds her finger up to her chin, pondering. “Why would a romantic partner be valued more than a friend? Shouldn’t they all matter?”

Slide 4: A small drawing of Celia shrugs at the bottom of the panel as she says, “Or at least, shouldn’t the value placed on the relationship depend on the people involved and the circumstances, not just the type of relationship?”

Above her are a bunch of scenarios depicted in a simple sketch style. These include: 

Best Friend of 10+ Years - have fought 2 times but have made up. The image depicted is of the main “character” in this example, a person with chin length spiky hair. Their best friend is a girl with light spiky hair in a ponytail. They have their arms around each other’s shoulders. 

Childhood Friends - the main “character” speaks to a girl with long braids and beads. She asks, “So what’s new?”

New friend who supported you through the roughest patch of your life - A curly haired person wearing a turtleneck comforts the main “character” here who is sobbing into their hands. They say “And if you ever need help with [scribble] I’m here”, and “It’s gonna be ok …” 

Seen each other on and off for 12 years - The main “character” is drawn next to a taller individual with spiky light hair. A heart is drawn between them but a number of question marks surround the two. 

Dating for almost 2 years - A girl with a long ponytail kisses the main “character” on the cheek, who is blushing. The text below reads “will move in together in a month” 

A number of arrows between the different scenarios have comments to express the nuances inherent to these different, difficult to directly compare relationships. These include:

Between the Best Friends and the New Friend, where the comment reads “It’s not equivalent (but like should it be?)”

Between the Best Friend and Childhood Friends, where the comment reads “What if they helped you two make up?”

Between the Best Friend and Dating, where the comment reads “Can this be compared?”. The arrow is scribbled out

A one way arrow points from the Dating to the Seen each other on and off scenario. The comment reads “or this?”, in reference to the Best Friends and Dating arrow comment. 

Chinese Canadian, Part 3/3

Annnnd here we have it, friends!! 🐸🐸 Thanks for coming along with me on this comic yet again. I think this is the first part of the comic I actually talk about the 🤝🏻 intersection of the aromanticism and Chinese Diaspora identity XD but nonetheless I hope it was interesting for all of you!

As I said towards the end there, I don’t feel that I have all the answers and quite frankly I’m still digging through all the implications of this intersection. On a positive note, it’s been healing to connect with more Asian Arospec folks over the years (I have met more since I wrote this!) and I’ve had many moments of good connection and understanding talking about the specific intersection of our identities 💚 And it’s at times like these I feel community is SO important - to understanding and accepting yourself, finding peace and appreciation and joy in who you are - it’s made a world of difference for me.

As always, I’d love to hear from y’all what thoughts you have on the general topic of the intersection of aromanticism and culture!

[Image Descriptions:

Slide 1: Celia speaks to the reader, “On the other hand, I feel like being aromantic subjects you to a lot of infantilization, which is something that already occurs when you’re Chinese.” 

Slide 2: “You’re assumed to be less emotionally mature for both groups, so I’ve found that to have a weird compounding effect there.”

Celia is depicted with a weary expression in front of a number of speech bubbles that reflect the stereotypes towards both Chinese people and aromanticism. They read: 

“People who’ve never been in relationships are just going to be less mature, you know? It says something about them”

“Well, Asians tend to be more childish than their peers”

“You grow up more sheltered, so you don’t really have the same level of experience westerners get”

“He’s still living the bachelor life? When is he going to grow up and settle down?” 

“Are you sure you’re not just like emotionally stunted or something?”

“OH you don’t get it, you haven’t fallen in love - don’t worry, you’ll understand one day” 

“You tend to be more emotionally stunted is all”

Slide 3: A cutout portrait of her continues speaking, “And maybe … the most complicated thing about all of this is that even though I’ve never received any pressure from my family to live up to any of these stereotypes, because of the way I’ve been treated by society as a whole –”

Below, she is shown from the side view. She is sitting on the floor with paper sketches of the stereotypes from the previous part of the comic. The sketch she is holding is of the “Lotus Blossom” stereotype.

Slide 4: Shot switches to front view of Celia, still staring down at the sketch she is holding. “- I end up feeling a lot of self doubt for my orientation. Or maybe even a degree of guilt because my existence as Chinese and aromantic seems to “validate” harmful stereotypes from both groups?”

Slide 5: She looks up from the sketch, directly at the reader. “I’d hate to admit it, but after everyone keeps assuming and sometimes literally telling you a certain type of person” 

Slide 6: “… you start to wonder if you are that person, too.” 

Celia is drawn in front of a mirror. She holds her hand up to her reflection and stares blankly at herself with a weary expression. 

Slide 7: [blank slide]

Slide 8: Celia speaks at the reader rubbing the back of her head with one hand again, but with a sheepish smile this time. 

“So yeah … I, as per usual, don’t really have all the answers. Being visibly Chinese, and also very explicitly arospec is of course, a fairly uncommon intersection of identities (although hey, as more people realize they’re arospec? Could change).”

Slide 9: 

She grins now, “I hope that you’ve appreciated this mini-series either way though, and that I could have shed a little light, at the very least, onto the experiences of one Chinese Canadian gray-aromantic girl.”

Something Else, Part 2/4 - In Which Past People Are Brought Up

It’s funny, how sometimes you could know, even in the absence of words or acknowledgement that your identity could exist, isn’t it?

I feel like I’ve talked about the experience of having a squish or Platonic Feelings (TM) and not being able to articulate it before - so I won’t go on about that one this time 😆  I guess all I have to say is that I wanted to share two really impactful moments from my teen years, and leave a record of the moments of intense platonic attachment I felt as a young aro person.

If there’s one comment I want to add now, it’s that I wish I grew up in a time where things like aromanticism were understood (not to say it’s well understood now LOL, but at least it’s a word somebody’s heard or has the ability to kind of comprehend). Like, I wonder if things would have been different, if I could have told either of these people that I wanted something more like a QPR with them at that time. If that would have given me the chance to experience reciprocated emotional intensity in the way it was more accessible to my peers.

[Image Descriptions:

Slide 1: Celia looks off to the side, holding her elbow with her other hand. 

“But the term “something more” hurt because it just … wasn’t true, in my case. I never saw romance as an add-on to Friendship.” 

Slide 2: “I did want to be “more than friends” with some people in my life” 

A scene from Celia’s teenage years is depicted. Teen Celia (around age 14) is depicted wearing a red hoodie and black joggers. They reach out to a childhood classmate, who is standing a few feet away leaning against a wall. He is wearing a black T shirt with a frog on it. 

Celia reaches out, saying “Hey wait [redacted] I’m sorry for everything … I think I want - (shit, what do I want?)”. 

A side note on the page says: “I wanted to ask for something, or at least say how I felt, but I couldn’t figure out how - and I never did”. Another note points towards the guy which says “The Guy I had a squish (TM) but didn’t know how to articulate it at the time. 

Slide 3: Current Celia continues speaking, “I wanted to be close to these people. I wanted to spend a lot of time with them, plan parts of my life with them. I wanted that commitment.” 

Slide 4: She continues, “And I knew, at a gut level, that what I wanted wasn’t romantic.” 

Slide 5: “The thought of dating them felt so wrong,” 

The scene jumps back to a moment from Celia’s teen years. They are in the car, holding a phone with a floating graphic in the panel showing the text received. It reads “Would you ever consider me to be your gf?”. 

Celia looks conflicted, and a bit sad. They say, “You know I’d do anything for you, [redacted]. So why does the thought of saying yes feel so … wrong?” 

Something Else, Part 4/4

Annnnd that’s it, y’all! Thanks for coming with me on this journey 💚💚💚 I feel like I’ve said most of what I wanted to say on the topic of aromanticism & what not in the comic, and I very much feel the same all these years later 🐸✨

HUGE shout out to my friend featured here btw, for telling me about the term and for inspiring this whole comic. She’s Very Cool 🐸🐸🐸 Not only is she a 2nd degree black belt, she’s also a talented fashion designer, seamstress, quilter, sewing machine repair woman … and a wonderful friend, who fosters so much connection in her communities 💚 If you’re reading this, C, you’re the best!!!

[Image Description:

Slide 1: The scene switches back to the scene from Celia’s early adulthood, talking with her friend on the bus.

“So then, my friend said to me -” 

The shot is focused on the friend who is speaking to Celia. She says, “Personally, I love it when authors use the term “something else” to describe the change in relationship from platonic friendship to romance.” 

Slide 2: “I remember lighting up when she said that. I liked that phrase a lot more.” 

The shot switches to show Celia’s face now. She says “woah!” with a surprised smile. 

Slide 3: “Because, I think, it’s the most accurate. Romance is just a different kind of relationship you can have with a person.” 

The abstracted scene from before with the characters are depicted again, but with the couple and the best friends now on even, non numbered individual plinths. The best friends are talking with the non-binary person on the phone, and the couple are depicted holding hands. 

Slide 4: “I hope that people start using “something else” more often.”

Celia and her friend continue their conversation on the bus. A number of faded conversation bubbles in the background can be scene, showing snippets of discussion about other books the friend had read, Celia’s thoughts on Pokemon Mystery dungeon, and representation for aspec characters in literature. 

Slide 5: Celia speaks to the reader, with her arms crossed but with a smile on her face, “I know it seems silly to think that such a simple phrase can matter or make a difference. But words and language do matter. They influence how we think, how we perceive the world.” 

Slide 6: She gestures out with one hand as she gives an example, “As I’ve said before, I didn’t even realize I could be Aro because there was no word given for it.” 

Relationship with Romance, Part 3/3