#something about ashes

no, actually, bc i think rape scenes are loud, & i think v often they're gratuitous, & this film really isn't abt rape. 

yknow i've thought about this quite a bit & they'd be so, so proud of her, first of all, for being asked, & secondly, for taking it, & thirdly, for really, really fulfilling her role in the film. 

but ofc it's hard. they've always raised her to be so proud of herself & her heritage, & she is, which is why the film hits so closely. & ofc, they're there through the whole process as well—they probably cry later that night the first time they see rachel's hair, & they check in on quinn more frequently than normal as well (which she appreciates so much).

[more faberry ‘rachel shoots a super tough film’ headcanon. drabble/ficlet from kurt’s pov, santana & megan are also here]

/

a string of coincidences that gathered significance (& became miracles)

.

our histories cling to us. we are shaped by where we come from. —chimamanda ngozi adichie

/

Rachel laughs loudly as Quinn sort of pops out of a pile of leaves. Harrison excited licks Quinn’s face, puts his big, clumsy paws on her shoulders and almost tips her over. You’re holding Nora, who is watching the whole thing with delighted squeals. And okay, it’s not really the worst day—it’s stunning in late autumn, a warmer day than the dreary rain that you’d had for the past week, and central park is all fire drenched leaves and dreamy skyline. Santana is trying to resist smiling, but Megan is attempting to feed her a cookie, and your boyfriend, Dominik, is smiling at the whole scene. You’d been nervous to introduce him to your group of longtime friends—they’re close enough that you consider them family at this point, and you’re Nora’s godfather, so it fits—but they’d, unsurprisingly, been welcoming after their typical dramatics: Rachel had quizzed him intensely, Quinn had glared, Santana made a number of jokes about a variety of stereotypes about Central Europe, Megan had tried to overfeed him multiple times, but he’d been gracious during the entire thing, and now you’re sure they all love him. 

Nora starts clapping when Rachel tosses leaves in Quinn’s direction and they blow back at her instead, which Harrison chases clumsily. Quinn is breathless and her cheeks are flushed, her sweater and scarf and coat crooked. Autumn has always suited her, you’ve always thought, even more than spring: her eyes turn strikingly gold, she’s always known how to wear a good trench coat and cashmere sweater. She and Rachel try to corral Harrison and Santana scrambles back when he starts to trot over to her instead.

“He’s a golden retriever puppy, San,” Megan says, scratching behind his ears as his tongue lolls happily. “Just about as intimidating as Quinn.”

Quinn scoffs. “I’m more intimidating than Harrison.”

Rachel grins and kisses her cheek. “Whatever you say, baby.”

Quinn rolls her eyes, but she snuggles into Rachel’s side happily. The first few times, years ago, when you’d seen Rachel hold Quinn, you’d been surprised at Quinn Fabray’s softness in those moments, but now you’ve learned to expect both sensitivity and strength from both of them. Harrison lays down, head on Megan’s lap, and there’s a peaceful, quiet moment that you all seem to sink into: the past few months have been tough on everyone, because you are family, and Rachel and Quinn had had some struggles. Not with their marriage, or their life together, but just dealing with the film Rachel was shooting. But they wrapped about three weeks ago, and everything has already lightened so much. And, as a present to Quinn for being so lovely—and she really was—during the whole thing, Rachel had given her Harrison: Quinn had wanted a dog for a while, but Rachel had been hesitant. He’s adorable, and whenever you see him and Quinn together you really do think they sort of match, even though you’d never actually tell her that.

Today is a quiet celebration of sorts for all of you, really. Rachel has gained back a little bit of the weight she’s lost, and her eyes are brighter, more settled. Her hair is growing into this little soft pixie that you think is adorable, this rich natural brown that’s starting to curl. Rachel has always been beautiful in such a fascinating way, and now you can only make out her features more clearly, and she really is stunning, although it’d taken a few days it get used to when she first started filming—Quinn had texted you the day Rachel had cut it before Quinn had seen it: just gave literally the worst lecture of my life bc i keep thinking of rachel’s (lack of) hair & should we laugh or cry at that reaction? lol—and you’d ended up having lunch with her and then going to Harry Winston instead of letting her go back to office hours, where she’d dropped $30,000 on a diamond bracelet—in retrospect, taking a nervous, emotional Quinn to buy jewelry for her wife wasn’t your smartest choice, but it’s a gorgeous bracelet anyhow.

But today everyone is goofing around, acting slightly younger than your thirty-two years.

And then you hear a timid, “Dr. Berry-Fabray?” and watch with intense amusement as Quinn tries to wipe whipped cream off her chin that Rachel, you know, had been planning on kissing away. “Joshua,” she says, straightening her scarf as much as possible; you’re pretty sure her leggings are twisted around at this point, so it’s not particularly helping. “Hello.”

“Hey,” he—Joshua, apparently—says, then tries to fight a smile when Rachel picks a leaf from Quinn’s hair before Quinn stands up—not particularly gracefully at that. Joshua’s dark skin stands out against the blue of his Columbia sweatshirt, and you figure he’s one of Quinn’s students; in college he would’ve been the kind of boy you’d flirted with relentlessly—he’s tall and cute, a handsome smile.

Quinn stands at her full height, but she’s in leggings and a scuffed pair of ankle boots, an oversized sweater, and there’s definitely still whipped cream on her chin. Rachel stands up too and brushes off Quinn’s butt—Santana starts laughing, and Megan and Dominik smile—and then Rachel sticks out her hand professionally and says, “Hello, I’m Rachel Berry-Fabray, Quinn’s wife.”

He shakes it almost reverently; it’s not like Rachel hasn’t been decently well-known for years now, and this film, you’re sure, will send her career booming in a direction she never could’ve dreamed in high school. “Joshua,” he says, “I’m in Dr. Berry-Fabray’s queer effacement in performance seminar.”

Santana mutters, “Ew,” and Dominik asks, “What in the world is that?” but Rachel grins.

“That’s one of her favorites to teach,” she says, then walks to you and picks up Nora. “This is our daughter.”

Nora reaches toward Quinn, who takes her gently, and Joshua can’t help but smile then. “Nora,” Quinn says, and at hearing her name, Nora reaches up and sticks one of her fingers up Quinn’s nose, says, “Mama,” a few times. 

Quinn is trying desperately, you know, to still seem intimidating, but then Harrison bounds from Megan’s lap and knocks into Quinn’s legs before going to Joshua. “And that’s Harrison,” Quinn drawls, and Rachel bursts into laughter at Quinn’s stony facial expression. 

She kisses Quinn’s cheek and says, “Come on baby,” and Quinn sighs but nods.

“Were you taking a break from Quinn’s synthesis essay?” Rachel asks, bending down to pet Harrison too.

Joshua nods. “It’s a bitch,” he says, and finally Quinn cracks a smile.

“Damn right,” she says, and sits back down, bouncing Nora on her lap. “We’re having our own wrap party for Mommy, aren’t we, Nor?” she sing-songs when Nora starts to fuss.

Joshua sits down and asks, “You just finished filming something?”

Rachel nods, and looks and Quinn, and for a moment, her eyes flash with sorrow. 

“We’re all just thrilled she’s back to her loud antics,” Santana pipes up, then offers her hand. “Santana Lopez, Assistant District Attorney.”

Megan laughs and Quinn rolls her eyes, and Megan says, “I’m Megan, and Santana is my wife, and she’s been Quinn’s best friend since they were fourteen, so don’t let her try to scare you.”

You all end up smiling and introducing yourself, and Quinn gets softer by the minute. You’re pretty sure she’s sleepy for reasons you don’t ever want to think about but have to anyway because Rachel is your best friend and unfortunately hearing a few details about lesbian sex—lesbian sex with Quinn Fabray, at that—have slipped out over the years. 

“Joshua, do you have time to finish our picnic with us?” Rachel asks, and Joshua looks toward Quinn, who nods with a sigh.

“She made enough food for like twenty people anyway,” she relents, and Rachel delightedly kisses her, and Joshua laughs, digging into vegan couscous salad while Rachel launches into descriptions of all of the food she’d packed.

For a while, you’d been worried about her, about the darkness she’d had to learn: she’d made a film about so many things she must have always been terrified of, horrified by, but from what you’ve seen of post-production so far, she’ll probably win an Oscar and a host of other awards for her performance, and you don’t even have to begrudgingly acknowledge that Quinn was a huge part of how Rachel was even able to tap into that, even if she brought it home with her some days. 

Everything is gentle and bright today, and Santana cuts Joshua off with an embarrassing story about Quinn at Yale the minute he says anything to Quinn about school, and Harrison steals a piece of vegan sushi off of your plate, and Nora falls asleep in Quinn’s arms as Rachel leans on Quinn’s shoulder. They share this small, perfect moment that Joshua sees, along with anyone else, and Quinn kisses the tiny scar on Rachel’s forehead that runs into her hairline—for the first time in years you’d been able to see it—and Rachel’s eyes flutter closed for a second. They sort of take your breath away, how much they’re always falling in love.

Then Quinn straightens up and says, “You’re all ruining my reputation,” with a really, really pathetic pout, and you smirk, and Santana says, “What reputation, Lucy Q?” as Rachel kisses Quinn with laugh.

“Oh, baby,” she says.

Joshua grins. “Secret’s safe with me, Dr. Berry-Fabray,” he assures.

it's tough, & i don't ever imagine her having to gain a lot of weight for a role, but for this little current headcanon, she does lose weight. i think it might be worse for quinn, actually, bc she has issues with her body & weight & food & seeing rachel—who usually is like glowing with health—fade a little bit is heartbreaking. but they're honest, & quinn probably sees a therapist for a bit there, so she doesn't really freak out on rachel or relapse herself or anything. & they always make sure to tell themselves that it's for a role, that rachel will be healthy so soon. & she is, & after the first time that happens, quinn is a little more reassured in the craft of it rather than anything disordered.