#someonesaveme

Loumand date,

I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of coats.

I try to give Link shirts. Coats look better. I try to give Link a waistcoat. That's just a coat. I try to give him something light, something simple. Nobles wear coats. Frock coats? Surtouts? Tail coats? Every time it's coats.

I go to google. It says victorian men were obsessed with coats. I try to innovate—add straps, increase the length. A coat with layers. A coat with belts. It still remains a coat.

He grabs me by the throat. "Write unique descriptions," he says. I write him a tailcoat coat. I write him a surtout. I write him a waistcoat. He isn't satsfied. "Generic descriptions," he sneers.

I give him a henley. He sets it on fire.

“They didn’t wear that in the 1800s,” he says

"I can't write any more coats," I tell him.

"Guess this is the end, you amatuer writer."

There is no hint of mercy in his eyes. Only reflected velvet. Historically accurate, double-stitched, and smooth velvet.

What a cruel world.

damned if i do, damned if i don’t.

maybe i’m just damned.

damned to live in the echoes.

feel the traces across my skin

read too much into a touch of our knees

to see a question in a leg carelessly tossed atop mine

desire in a brush of hands

damned to see love in places it doesn’t exist

For those who are interested on what I know I want to take for my IB classes: 

Subjects: bio, psychology, english LIT, chem/art??, thai LANG LIT, math AA. (I haven’t figured out HL and SL for the majority of these subjects yet and I just wanna tear my hair out)

Ok look, 

IB is already stressing me out and my school hasn’t even opened yet! I’m confused about my subjects and my blood pressure has probably sky rocketed. I know that I want to do pre med, at least I hope I know I want to do this because there is genuinely nothing else that is remotely interesting to me yet because medicine has always fascinated me. I am planning to go study in America which I found out needs HL Chemistry so... I am kinda screwed.

The thing about pre med is that you get to save so many lives and that fascinates me, to go to the hospital one day and be able to save i dont even know 6 lives??? LIKE WOW, HOW???? Wouldn’t that be a great feeling... 

I am in love with all the other subjects (excluding math obviously) but the thing is... I have this hate for Chemistry I don’t know what about it makes me like this but I just do. I may not even call it hate maybe I’m just stupid and I just don’t understand the subject or maybe the teacher is just not the right one. I guess there are a lot of factors but the conclusion is that I don’t understand it and I don’t have an interest in it. So imagine my delight when I found out that I need HL chem to take pre med ... 😒 and that chem is the most soul sucking subject OUT THERE... i swear the world hates me sometimes. LIke how am I suppose to get a good grade in a subject that:

1)  I’m not good at

2)  a subject that is SUPER already hard to get a good grade in even if YOU DO immensely enjoy the subject

3) Get into pre med if I get a hella bad grade in this subject...?

My little heart isn’t ready🥵