#some fandom issues

I actually agree about the biggest issue with the on-set stuff being the people in tech/behind-the-scenes positions, and so forth (including post-production too). Afaik, those people have way less institutional power, hiring is network-based, so they can’t even really complain, and unlike the few members of the cast who stay around for years, many of them work only a few episodes, so there’s no practical way that I can see to gauge consent even if J2M (and whoever else is involved) wanted to.

As far as Misha and whether he’s a good representative of poly culture goes, we’ll probably end up having to agree to disagree. I had heard that their other partner and they broke up when Misha and Vicki had kids (although the person who told me wasn’t positive; that’s why I said “may or may not”), but my poly family split over my kid too, so I’m not inclined to think less of someone over that. I was the instigator of the breakup, despite me still being madly, deeply in love with one of the people I and spouse left. We broke up over a combination of lack of social/legal protections and support, and differences in beliefs about childrearing (my kid has special needs, and we couldn’t agree on whether day care was appropriate for him or not). New parenthood is a common time for breakups in both poly and monogamous relationships.

If the breakup was because Misha didnt want to raise a child poly, then yeah, that’s not a shining endorsement of his commitment to poly issues, but on the other hand, he also may not be a person for whom poly is a natural and easy life choice, and that’s common in the partner who isn’t the one suggesting it too.

As far as the kinky 3ways/getting some on the side- yeah, if that’s what one is into,then that is indeed one of the benefits of being poly. If straight/vanilla/”normal” dudes want that, then they’re welcome to do the work of being poly too, and then it’s not sleazy anymore. It’s only sleazy if one is being dishonest/if not all parties are giving fully informed consent.

Like Misha and Vicki, I (the assigned chick at birth person) am the more “naturally” poly partner between me and my spouse (the assigned dude at birth person), and it’s been a long adjustment for Spouse coming to believe that when he’s on a hot date that I’m not also going on, I really mean it that I’m excited he’s getting a chance to enjoy himself and I hope everything goes awesome. I just, for whatever reason, don’t seem to have been born with a “normal” amount of jealousy, and I’ve also, on a personal level, had some “casual” sexual encounters that were among the most meaningful and joyous experiences of my life, so why would I not want my partner to have that kind of happiness too?