#solstis

Y así fue que me olvide de mi tratando de hacerte feliz y en el intento me perdí. Y me dio miedo la distancia de no ser bueno para ti y de un precipicio me tire.

mother's want / daughter's need. their question itches something deep inside of cassie (a child should not center themselves--- when her mother asks for something, cassie must scurry towards it like it is her own demand). she wonders what it is like to be a mother. does your want double or half? do you become more or less? her mother has birthed four daughters. what does that do to your own need? sometimes, her mother was distant enough that every word was mumbled and uncouth. other times, it is like she feels her mother's every breath echoing in her chest. want, halved, then halved, then halved, then halved. cassie, the third daughter, steals the scraps that the others have not yet eaten. cassie is no god. she is not even godly. she prays to no greater being, she takes nothing from the skies. while she is a creature of belief, everything she has vested her faith in stands firmly on earth (but the mother must be something of a god, surely, to make cassie's knees tremble like a scolded child even when she isn't around-- is it something you want? or something your mother wants and has sent for you to fetch?). cassie could trace every stitch in her body and still not know where she ends and her mother begins: the question would take a long time to answer with any sort of truth.

Te extraño tanto que me vuelvo gris.

Solstis 41:16