#softsorry

— 49. with love

but i do not follow. instead i step away from him, he now looks like a monster he becomes a monster and his shadow does too. it’s too dark now and the only thing i see in this world are his ocean blue eyes when he turns to look at me and as my dark eyes meet his i step closer to him but it’s too late now and he melts away into a skeleton who has not yet grasped the concept of personal space. i feel my body step away in the other direction but i do not move anywhere, instead the skeleton grabs my neck with his claws and begins to squeeze, i call out for my mother but she is not there i call out for my father but he is not there i call out for my sister but she is not there i call out for a friend no one is there i call out for ANYONE nobody’s there i call out for him and he is standing behind me, i can tell from the light that is his soft blonde hair and i turn. i am ready to step into the light, his light, to keep me warm but he is not there and i look around the world and i am all alone, not even the monster stays to keep me company and i think to myself, well i can’t do anything by myself i cannot do anything without some help i can’t do anything by myself ANYONE please, come and keep me company tell me something about yourself bring me to your house and keep me company while i wait for something to bring him back and why can’t i do anything alone and i want to be alone, please do not leave me because i want to be alone and why am i alone i hate the dark, where are the stars and where is the moon and where are the trees and where is the ocean and where is the sky and where are you. there is no light to keep me warm YOU LIAR, YOU LIED TO ME where should i go to stay safe, should i go back home to be alone should i go to your house so you can keep me company again should i go to heaven but where is the sky, should i go to hell but where is the soil, where are the trees where are the plants where have they gone, have they gone into his arms is that where i should go, into your arms to be home again, have i ever been home what is home, could you tell me what that feels like and what is warmth can you tell me what that feels like and what is happiness is it the dark, is it a monster with ocean blue eyes, and what is love is it death does death feel good, should i try it to feel home again in his arms with the light that is his soft blonde hair?

im sorry