#soft suffering

Killing you softly ❤️🤍

He looks at me. “Is this the reason You only let me go today?” Before I speak, he cuts me off - And smiles. “No. I want to stay.”

It didn’t reappear to help Alec put his clothes on, which left him both relieved and puzzled.

Alec rubbed his eyes. They were beginning to burn and itch from tiredness. Surely, that explained why the candleholder was walking and talking. "Greetings, monsieur!" a rich voice pronounced, rolling the "r"s like a true French aristocrat. "It is a pleasure to welcome you as a guest of honour." Slowly, Alec lowered his hands and squinted at the flickering candles in front of him. A small, smiling face - with gleaming white teeth! - was etched into the central candlestick. It blinked, closing its amber eyes for a moment. Alec blinked, too. "That's not the beast's voice," he said. "No, it is not! It is mine. I am Lumiere, monsieur, at your service." The candleholder swept an elegant bow, then straightened again. It stood no taller than Alec's knee, and had no visible legs, arms, or wings. "How do you move? And talk?" he enquired, feeling too exhausted to show much surprise. After all, he had just met a talking beast, who lived in an apparently cursed castle. Maybe all the inhabitants here were enchanted objects or animals. The candleholder laughed merrily, flashing its white teeth again. "Why, it is simple! I simply jump around, like this." With a slight movement, he jumped up, then landed again on his base. "You try it!" "Er, no thanks," Alec declined politely. "Is there anyone else in this castle I should meet?" "Oh no! I am forgetting my manners!" Lumiere touched his left candlestick to his face, like a woman lifting her hand to her forehead in mock horror. Alec half-expected the candle to melt through the gold that appeared as soft and flexible as butter, but nothing happened to the metal. "Come, you must meet Monsieur Horloge. Hey! Horloge!" He turned around and beckoned to something on the far side of the entrance hall. A small, round face, about a foot off the ground, Alec thought it looked like the pale moon-like face of a child, until it sidled out from behind one of the brass doors that led into the rest of the castle. Then, Alec saw its body was a small grandfather clock. It had two short, stubby legs, which it used to come pattering forward to Lumiere. Alec took the time to look around the entrance hall more closely. A faded red carpet led from the entrance doors to the brass doors from which the clock man had just come. There were two large marble staircases, one to either side, which led to a balcony overlooking the hall. The balcony had four doors behind it, lining the wall at even intervals. Theh beast had disappeared through the leftmost door. The walls were bare of pictures, and there was no furniture in the room, not even an armoire or a coat rack. Lumiere cleared his throat, reminding Alec that there was someone in front of him. "Monsieur, this is my fellow steward, Horloge," he said. "It's very nice to meet you," Alec said politely. Looking closer, he realised the face of the little man was a clock, and the minute and hour hands were two uneven whiskers. His little arms were clasped in front of him. This, combined with his delicately raised eyebrows, made him appear as if he were snootily looking down at Alec - a feat, considering he, like Lumiere, barely reached to Alec's knees. "Likewise," Horloge said stiffly. "Ahem. Lumiere, I think we'd best show the guest to his quarters?" "Ah, yes, of course!" Lumiere beamed. He seemed very prone to making exclamations. "Right this way, Monsieur. We'll have you set up in the east wing, away from any distractions." Alec wondered what sort of distractions could be found in a cursed castle. "Don't you have a dungeon for your prisoners?" he asked. "Monsieur!" Lumiere nearly fell over mid-hop. "Prisoner! Why, what could possess us to keep prisoners? We are a very upstanding household, and we treat everyone as our honoured guests!" "Well, then if I'm not a prisoner, why can't I go home?" Alec demanded. "The beast isn't even here. How are you going to stop me from escaping?" Horloge tsked, shaking a disapproving finger at Alec. He looked like a stern schoolmaster reprimanding a delinquent. "It's rude to speak of the Mistress of the Castle in that way," he reprimanded. The beast was a girl? Somehow, Alec couldn't quite wrap his mind around that. Weren't ladies supposed to be dainty and quiet? Lumiere lowered his voice to a whisper. "Besides, she could be looking and listening right now! She has this magic -" "Shhhh!" Horloge almost sprayed Lumiere with spit. His face was rapidly turning red. "Not in front of the guest!" Alec decided he had heard enough of this insanity. Let the two creatures bicker without him. He turned around and headed straight for the double doors, intending to throw them open and start home. True, it was dark, but at least it wasn't snowing, and he still had his bow in case of wolves. "Monsieur, where are you going?" Lumiere asked quickly. Alec ignored him and reached for the bolt, intending to lift it up and push the doors open. The wooden beam didn't even budge. "Monsieur! It's no use. If the Mistress desires you to be her guest -" Alec placed both hands under the bolt and heaved, straining to lift it even an inch. If a girl - beast or not - could lift this bolt and lock the door with it, then so could he! "Monsieur -" A deep roar suddenly echoed through the hall, making Alec's teeth quake. He instinctively put his hands over his ears and looked around for the source, but it had already stopped. Lumiere and Horloge were also holding their armlike appendages to where their ears were supposed to be. The roar had come from a different room - probably far away. Somehow, the beast had known what Alec was doing. "Monsieur...please," Lumiere begged. "Let us go to your room. There is no use in angering the Mistress. She will only demand more of what she wants." Alec sighed, looking at the door longingly again. But it seemed freedom was well beyond his reach.

The beast enjoyed the fear, resignation, and anger that flitted across the boy's face as he stared up into her eyes. He was a good head and a half shorter than her. It was a good feeling to look down on people, after spending most of her life staring at everyone's chins and noses. She could order people to do many things, but ungrowing wasn't one of them. Yes, she was a monster. She had seen her reflection enough times to have it forever branded into her memory. She placed a paw on the gate and wrenched it open. The ancient lock scraped harshly against the rusted iron, and her ears flicked irritably. The gate swung open faster than she'd expected, jostling her left arm and sending a flash of pain through her shoulder. Idiot boy with his stupid arrow! She wished she could rip through his shoulder, to give him a taste of what it felt like, but she needed him in good health so he could care for her. But when she was healed....well, she would see. "In," she grunted at the boy. He obeyed quickly, scurrying past as if he expected her to cuff him as he walked by. Abusive father or brother, perhaps? She shook the thought away and followed him into the estate, slamming the gate shut behind her with a satisfying clang. Now the boy was a prisoner for sure, just like she had been for the last ten years. The boy slowed to a stop a few paces in, gaping around at the massive trees and the gloomy shadows. The beast gave him ten seconds to gawk before she growled sharply. "Get a move on!" she said. "The doors are straight ahead." To make sure he didn't slow down, she followed close behind all the way down the drive, practically breathing down his neck. She tried not to wince every time she placed her left foot down. When they reached the massive double doors, she placed one hand on the wooden handles and thrust them open. Her muscles strained, fighting against the rusted hinges. At last, the doors slowly opened, grinding against the ground. She stepped aside and waved the boy through. As he passed (ducking slightly again), she stretched out a claw and hooked it under his bow. He automatically stopped and tried to unhook it, then realised what happened. His hand slowly fell to his side. "You're going to take it?" he asked, a note of despair in his voice. She snorted. "I can't have you killing me in my sleep. I won't break the stupid thing." "But I need it to hunt!" he argued, his green eyes flashing with anger. "My family -" "Shut up about your family and give the bow here!" the beast snapped, finally losing patience with his bleating. "I don't care if you have a wife and seven children. You have to fix me!" "I have a mother and a drunken brother! That's a lot more important than your stupid shoulder! I bet it doesn't even hurt anymore!" He took a step forward, his face twisted in a scowl. The bow came free from her claw, but she didn't try to grab it again. "You can't keep me here. I already did enough by treating you!" Without consciously thinking about it, the beast brought her good arm up and slapped the boy, hard, across the face. He cried out and stumbled backwards, his hands flying to cover the marks of her claws. Almost immediately, blood began to seep out, making the beast's nose twitch at the metallic scent. She lowered her arm immediately, though the anger still boiled under her skin. "You have no right to speak like that to me," she hissed. Then, knowing her steward was nearby because she could smell the smoke of his candles, she called, "Lumiere! Go treat the brat." A light flickered on on the far sight of the massive entrance hall, and a moment later, an ornate golden candleholder appeared from behind a tapestry. It had three candlesticks, each with a burning candle on top that never ran out of wax. His small face was alight - no pun intended - with curiosity. He had obviously been listening in. Not in the mood to answer the questions of him and her other servants, the beast turned her back away and stomped up the marble stairs that led to the west wing. She had had enough of the boy. She needed to tend to her rose to calm herself.

The creature growled, making Alec's shoes vibrate slightly, even through the blanket of snow. It narrowed its eyes and bared its yellowed, blunted teeth. Alec recoiled slightly at the stench that wafted over him when it exhaled. "You monster," it whispered in a gravelly voice. Alec yelped and backpedaled rapidly, almost tripping over his heels. "Y-You can talk?" he stammered. It growled wordlessly again in response, shifting its limbs slightly. "I will rip you from limb to limb," it ground out. Alec didn't stumble again, but he felt his hands began to shake. "You're the monster," he whispered. "I know!" it screamed suddenly, causing Alec to fall backwards. "I know how I look!" "It doesn't matter how you look!" Alec yelled back, more to mask the tremble in his voice than out of real anger. "It's what's inside that counts. Even if you grew up in the woods, you should know better than to threaten people with murder!" It quieted for a moment, twitching its whiskers in thought, almost like the old man who told stories in the village inn. "You shot me with an arrow," it said at last, more resentful than hateful now. "Only a coward would do that." "I'm sorry," Alec said, even though he really wasn't. His mother had drilled manners into him too firmly. "I don't have good eyesight. I thought you were a deer." "Then an idiot like you shouldn't be hunting!" The beast shifted its head and bent awkwardly to sniff at its wound. Its nose glistened with moisture, barely an inch away from the congealing blood. "Get this out. It hurts." Alec was about to tell the beast it could take the arrow out itself and shove it somewhere more painful, but an unexpected twinge of pity made him hesitate. It was his fault the beast was hurt, after all, even though it was an animal, and a dangerous one at that. It was only right that he should fix his mistake. "I don't want to come any nearer," he admitted truthfully. The beast turned to glare at him again, its eyes pooling with hatred again. "Then I'll drag myself to you and force you. If you try to run away, I'll pull the arrow out myself and run you down until your feet bleed, then murder you and the rest of your village." Alec couldn't hide his shudder. The spark of pity almost went out, but then he saw the pain behind the beast's bravado. It didn't want to look weak, but it knew it could barely move a few feet. It probably knew, too, that if it pulled the arrow out without a binding for the wound, it could bleed to death. If Alec wanted to run away right now, the beast could do nothing to stop him. It would most likely die in the woods alone. "I'll help you." The words came out of their own accord, and he knew his face was as surprised as the beast's was. "But you can't hurt me. Once I take you back to where you live and treat the wound, you have to let me return to my family." "Fine," the beast agreed, too quickly. Its eyes were very wide, like the eyes of the man who cheated at cards when he slipped an ace up his sleeve. Alec didn't know what part of the promise it intended to break, but his conscience left him no choice. He reached into his quiver and pulled out a spare shirt he had rolled into a bundle. Slowly, he approached the beast. It flicked its bushy tail, watching warily, but made no move to attack him. Alec unrolled the shirt and knelt next to the beast, careful not to touch it. He scooped up a handful of snow and placed it close to the arrow. "This will be cold, but it'll numb the pain," he warned it. It nodded slowly. Alec tentatively reached for the arrow, feeling the beast's body heat even with his hand a few inches away. He didn't want to do this. He hated to inflict more pain, even on a creature that obviously had no qualms about inflicting pain on others. "Are you ready?" he questioned, just to be sure. "Yes!" the beast hissed through gritted teeth. "Get on with - AAIIIIIIII!" With a quick motion, Alec had yanked out the arrow and immediately pressed the snow. He tossed the arrow aside, then pressed his shirt to the rapidly reddening snow. The beast tensed from the pain, its claws digging into the snow. Alec winced and pressed his shirt into the sound harder, hoping to stifle the blood flow. The beast's muscles rippled under his fingers. "Are you done?" it gasped. "Yeah," Alec breathed. "I'm sorry." This time, he meant it. "I wish I hadn't done this." The beast's only response was a small "pshah", as if it didn't believe him. "We need to get back to my castle." "You live in a castle?" Alec almost lost his grip on the shirt. "There aren't any castles around here!" "Mine's cursed," the beast muttered. "No one would mention it anywhere, if they knew what's good for them. And get off, I can walk!" Alec was only too happy to step away. His knees had gotten soaked from the snow he'd knelt on. The dark stain was barely distinguishable from the fabric of his trousers. Night had truly fallen, and only the gibbous moon and the constellations provided light to see by. The beast slowly got to its feet. The wound was on its shoulder, so the shirt didn't fall off. Alec suspected it was well stuck to the beast's blood by now. With every movement of its left shoulder, it winced and tensed its arm, until its muscles were knotted more thickly than those of the toughest woodcutter. With a sharp inhale, the beast reared up and stood on its hind legs - and stayed there. Alec was shocked that the animal was able to walk like a human. Perhaps it had been raised by humans? That could be where it learnt to talk - but then, why did it live in a cursed castle? "What are you staring at?" it snapped, breaking him out of his thoughts. "Nothing," he muttered. "Must I go with you? I have a family -" "Yes," the beast cut him off. "You will make sure I get to the castle safely. This way." It turned roughly north and began stalking away, leaving clawed pawprints in the snow. Alec followed as quickly as he could without actually running, staring at the beast's retreating back. It was rather lean and elegant, despite its broad shoulders and bulky muscles. Its tail swept back and forth with every step, helping it keep its balance. It reminded him more of a long-haired dog's tail than of a cat's. Its legs were shaped like those of a wolf, with the knees bending backwards, and its thick upper arms reached to its thighs. Its mane went almost to the middle of its back, making its upper body look much larger than it really was. If not for the horns and the clawed appendages, Alec would almost say the beast had a human profile. They walked for almost an hour, based on the almost imperceptible shifting of the stars in the sky. Alec was tired, cold, and hungry. He cursed his eyesight and the fact that instead of scoring a feast for his family tonight, he was stuck escorting a monster to its home. He prayed that it would let him go back. Maybe, if it was raised by humans, it would know enough compassion to let him go once he explained that he was the only breadwinner in the house. Although, based on the fact that it threatened to murder the entire village if he didn't accede to its demands, he kind of doubted it. The trees began to thin out, and after a few more steps, Alec came to the northern edge of the woods. Ahead of him stood a towering, wrought-iron gate that guarded a broad driveway. His jaw dropped as he lifted his eyes to gaze at a magnificent castle that jutted from a wide hill. Its first floor was obscured by a band of trees that might have hid a moat, or a garden. It had at least four or five towers, and several wings that reached to the north, the northwest, and the east. There might have been south wings as well. A central keep rose in the very middle of the stone monolith, watching sternly over the rest of the castle. "Welcome," the beast said dryly. "This is my home, and your new prison, until I see fit to release you." "I - what?" Alec abruptly shut his jaw and flicked his eyes to the beast. He didn't know why he was surprised, or why his heart felt like it had sunk to the level of his knees. "But you said -" "Shut up," the beast growled. "You attacked me, and you will heal me until I am well. Then, I will decide what to do with you, peasant boy!" Alec couldn't help thinking it was an odd insult, coming from a beast, although he supposed living in a castle must have made it feel superior to lowly humans. "You're a monster," he stated softly, accidentally echoing his words from earlier. The beast's eyes glittered in the starlight. "I know."

She was soft, and he was kind, and they suffered for years before they could get anything right, because appearances are stronger than reality and sometimes it is easy to get confused. In her mind, she was fierce and angry and wounded, shaped into a beast by a wicked sorceress. In her mind, he was an idiotic village boy, lost in the woods while chasing deer. In his mind, he was lonely and misunderstood. He had a sick mother and an elder brother who drank away his fears every other night in the village inn. In his mind, she was a vicious creature who spitefully locked him in her castle, preventing him from feeding his family for another week on the stingy muscles of the winter-thin deer. Minds are a fickle thing. Who knows what they trick the eyes into seeing? It is one of the follies of magic. In gifting itself to men as a tool to achieve civilisation (and eventually transcendence), it rendered them imperfect. Magic cannot function without an illusion. Nevertheless, the sorceress who visited the vain princess' castle one cold winter night was able to see past the illusion of grandeur. She saw the malice in the princess' heart, and she drew on it to craft the beast. But she also saw the love, and she drew on it to craft the cure. The princess just did not know it yet. The secret hid within an enchanted rose. Alec stalked through the woods with his bow slung over his shoulder, listening intently for the soft rustling of fur that signalled the presence of deer. He wore a grey tunic and black breeches, and if he stood still, he would look like a slender sapling. His long, thin arms passed perfectly as branches, no skin showing to betray his human nature to the questing wind. The gust whirled through the tree trunks, swept over the boy once, found no openings in his clothes, and continued on with only a ruffle of his raven-black hair as a mark of its passing. His face did not turn pink from the cold. He was too used to it. He stopped abruptly, sliding the bow from his shoulder and into his grip. Without the steady crunch of snow under his boots, the steadily darkening forest was eerily still. He had caught the sound of fur rubbing against tree bark, causing a barely-perceptible scraping sound. There - it was coming from the left, some ways away. Alec wetted his chapped lips and stepped off the path, squinting to catch a glance of the dark brown fur of a deer. His eyesight was not what it used to be, since he spent so much of his childhood poring over books. It made him a poorer hunter, although he could not afford the eyeglasses to correct his vision. He caught a smudge of brown between two tree trunks. It had to be it. He drew in a breath, nocking an arrow to his bow. The smudge didn't move. Praying he would hit the head or the leg, Alec released the arrow. Despite his inferior eyesight, his aim was true. The arrow made a small arc through the maze of tree trunks, then planted itself firmly into the fur of the animal. It roared - no, it shrieked in agony, falling to the ground and beginning to roll around in pain. Alec jumped, feeling the blood rush to his ears from the curdling sound - surely no deer or bear could scream so high? The voice almost sounded female. He almost staggered in horror when he realised he could have hit a poor girl, wandering the woods with a brown cloak on! His movements slow and jerky, Alec slung his bow back over his shoulder and began running to his victim. His footsteps, previously so light and quiet, became sluggish and heavy, so it seemed to take him twice as long as it normally would to run a mere fifty feet. Finally, he reached the brown thing. The animal - now that he was close, he could see its fur, definitely marking it as an animal - had curled up into a ball, whimpering and pressing its paw to its side, where the narrow arrow shaft jutted out of its skin. Alec winced when he saw the bright red beads of blood welling out of the fur. This was one of his worst shots yet - messy and painful for the animal. He told himself he really needed to get eyeglasses. Cautiously, he approached the last few feet until he was standing directly next to the animal. It looked like a bear, but it was much too small, and its tail was too long and furry. It had two small horns, almost hidden in a shaggy mane of hair. Its body was rather thick, its legs short and stocky to support the mass of fur and muscle. Its face was hidden from Alec's view. He wanted to kneel down and end the animal's life quickly and painlessly, but he was afraid of being gored by the wickedly sharp claws that protruded from its tough-looking paws. Instead, he settled for a simple, "Hello?" The animal abruptly jerked its head around, so Alec could finally see its face. It was an ugly, triangular face with a barely protruding muzzle; it had a wet black nose and white whiskers on its cheeks and chin. Its mouth was twisted in a scowl. Involuntarily, Alec took a step back when he got a good look into the creature's eyes. They were small and had a washed-out green colour with a catlike pupil. But unlike a cat, this creature's eyes held the spark of intelligence in them. Alec stared into eyes that were full of pain and hatred. For him. He had done this.

The little letters mocked him Spelling out her name in deceptively neat computer print, Masking the untidiness of her scrawl. He had picked the paper up by chance While looking for his own, But now he couldn’t seem to let go. He felt a prickle of amusement that quickly faded, Leaving puzzlement in its wake. Why did he want to read this paper? He knew her thoughts, or thought he did. She was so simple to read. Eager, cheerful, scampering around Laughing breathlessly at jokes that were minutes old Smiling at him as if she wanted to see his smile too. He thought he knew what thoughts she had written Something about romance, perhaps, or a silly song. Just in case, he skimmed the first line - and froze. “His name was Kindness and he had The softest and most scornful eyes…”