#soft!andrew

“What is this?” Andrew’s nose crinkles as he eyes the lumpy package suspiciously. His eyes narrow as he holds up the bad wrap job, the dancing Santas sprinkled on the wrapping paper smiling like fools.

Neil gulps. He knows how difficult it is to shop for Andrew let alone how bad he is at gifts to begin with. He’s never had to do it until he came to Palmetto and any show of affection is still difficult for him, let alone presents.

“It’s just…a gift.”

“Are we doing these now?” Andrew queries, the question a brutally honest one that hits Neil to his very core. They hadn’t ever discussed it and Neil panics that it might signal a step forward that Andrew is not yet ready for.

“I dunno…I mean, you don’t have to. But I did.”

Andrew doesn’t reply, instead he lifts it up close to his face and shakes it gently, as if trying to ascertain the contents by sound. Neil gulps, the anticipation of his reaction involuntarily making his insides quake.

Slim fingers that Neil knows like his own slip under an edge of the paper and purposefully drag across it, lifting the tape. At the shabbily tucked end, Andrew flips back the pointed corner and peels it back. The actions are slow and meticulous and Neil feels each lingering moment is a torturous taunt, one step closer to Andrew’s unpredictable reaction. The pounding of his heart drowns out any further attempt at speech.

At long last, the paper is off and the tissue inside shrugged off like a coat and Andrew holds up the item.

It’s a shiny silver lighter with AM engraved on it.

Andrew’s face is completely indecipherable.

The words come out all rushed and joined together, Neil’s cheeks burning hotter with each breath. “If you hate it, you don’t have to keep it.”

The words that come next are in German. No one else is in the room but the foreign words somehow come out more intimate. A secret only they share.

“I’m keeping it,” he says, simply.

So when they buy their first apartment together, they get a huge couch that Neil can sleep on for some nights.

It is one of the bad days, Andrew’s stuck in his nightmares, skin crawling, the bed sheets stuck to him, phantom hands all over him. Neil wakes up at the slightest movement, he knows and left their room quietly, grabbing the extra pillow and blanket on his way out.

The crawling feeling should have stopped, the burning in his stomach should not have gotten worse. There is a hollow feeling he has never felt in his chest. He should feel better without anyone on the bed, so why doesn’t he?

The nightmares no longer feel as real, yet the hollow feeling grows. His skin still crawls yet he wants something, or someone next to him, on his bed. And Andrew hates it. The restlessness makes his nightmares worse and he can feel himself falling again, down and down a spiralling dark hole.

Andrew got off the bed and went into the living room, where Neil is half asleep.

“Andrew?” Neil is immediately awake, eyebrows furrowed with concern.

“Get back in bed,” that is all Andrew said, he goes back into his room and lay his back against the wall and wait.

Neil’s familiar silhouette emerges and slowly get onto their bed, “are you sure?” Normally it will have taken at least a whole night for Andrew to be alright.

“Yes, but don’t come any closer,” their king size bed allows them to have more than a few feet between them. Neil nods and falls back asleep soon enough. His even and light breathing somehow soothes Andrew.

The hollow feeling ebbs away with each soft breath Neil takes. Andrew’s skin still crawls, but it doesn’t worsen with Neil’s presence. Andrew lays wide awake the entire night, not because of the nightmares although it did for a while, but the realisation that maybe he can get better. And he will.

“Ok, everyone! I’m pressing play. Get your asses over here!”

Nicky is making them watch It’s A Wonderful Life. It’s his favorite Christmas movie and most of the Foxes hadn’t seen it.

“Ugh. Do we have to? Literally all of us had the exact opposite of this happy ending,” Aaron points out.

“Well, that’s dark. What do you call this then?” Katelyn asks, affronted as she walks over from the kitchen with the girls, all carrying bowls of popcorn. Quickly, he leans to give her a kiss and wrap his arm around her as they settle on one side of the sofa.

“That’s not what I meant, babe! You know my life is better with you.” Aaron continues, trying to crawl out of the hole he created as the others snicker.

Allison and Renee plop on the other side of Nicky, who is dead center on the sofa, the remote fixed directly at the screen. He grabs a beer from Renee and looks to see that everyone else has settled.

Matt and Dan snuggle on the loveseat, a giant bowl of popcorn between them. Neil had earlier convinced a very reluctant Andrew to attend, convincing him that he had to for Nicky. They share a fluffy beanbag with a very annoyed Andrew, his arms tightly crossed.

“Ok, it’s starting!! Everyone hush and get ready for your lives to be changed.”

Neil gives Andrew’s knee a squeeze and hands him a beer. The squishy center of their seat causes them to angle toward each other but Neil doesn’t mind. He rests his hand on the side of Andrew’s thigh who emits a low growl as the opening scene begins.

Neil never watched Christmas movies as a kid and he’s never seen this one. It’s kitschy and sappy but he finds himself enjoying it. Like him, Jimmy Stewart has a tough life but still somehow finds love and happiness through it all. Andrew continues to stir through it but finally near the climax, he goes still. Neil flicks his eyes over to make sure he’s ok.

The film reflects in the golden of his eyes but his face shows no response. As George Bailey begs for his original life back, a casual arm snakes itself around Neil’s back and a warm hand cups his neck. His eyes never leave the TV and his hand remains.

Taking it as an invitation, Neil leans into the gap under Andrew’s arm, his hand still splayed on Andrew’s thigh. Andrew’s clamp on his neck is an anchor for him and he feels safe. As the final famous line comes on screen, Andrew’s grip tightens on him and the corner of his eye moistens so subtly, it’s almost imperceptible.

everyone was on the dance floor dancing, Nicky in Erik’s arms, Dan and Matt, Aaron and katyln, Kevin and Thea. All except Andrew and Neil, the both of them had never dance in their life and didn’t see the point.

Renee and Allison noticed and dragged Neil on the dance floor, soon everyone danced with Neil except the twins (yes even Kevin danced with Neil for like half a song) Andrew refused and Neil didn’t ask again.

Finally the party was over and everyone had fun Andrew was content with watching Neil and the others Andrew and Neil went back to Andrew’s apartment which was nearer yes they still on different pro teams Neil was exhausted and fell right asleep, Andrew took some time but eventually did too.

But no matter how happy Neil was, his nightmares didn’t care and he woke up shaking and sweating, his heart pounding out of his ribs, quietly he slipped out of the bed and went into the kitchen, making coffee. Andrew woke up too, and wasn’t far behind.

While the coffee brew, Andrew got his phone and played a slow song it may had been thinking out loud Neil looked at Andrew with surprise. Without saying a word, Andrew held out a hand for Neil and Neil took it and slowly put his other hand on his shoulder. Andrew’s arm snaked around Neil’s waist and the two of them dance.

They swayed under the kitchen lights, with the song playing softly in the background on repeat, the world was asleep and they were in each other’s arms, Neil even twirled Andrew, his eyes sparkling with laughter, a soft smile resting on Neil’s face.

It may had been 2am or 3am or even 4am, the coffee was long done, not a single word was spoken, only the song playing and playing until Andrew’s phone died, even then they stayed in each other’s arms, Andrew may had even layed his head on Neil’s shoulder, and if there was a glimpse of smile on Andrew’s face, no one mentioned it.

Every time they hear thinking out loud, a soft smile would appear on Neil’s face and Andrew’s eyes would have a faraway look, both of them back in the other’s arms for a second, just a second, no matter where they were, for the second they were with each other.

A few years later, in Nicky and Erik’s wedding, when thinking out loud was played, Andrew extended a hand for Neil and Neil took it. They danced on the edge of the dance floor, if the foxes took a hundred pictures and money were exchanged, they didn’t care.

They send back the pictures to them and when they buy their first apartment together, it was the first picture they put up.

The first night at their apartment, Neil played the song and they danced in the living room until the sun rises.

Shit goes down this chapter. Here's a little teaser to hold you over till Sunday :).

Catch up on the full fic here on AO3.

It was nothing really. Nothing that Neil could put a finger on or tangibly verbalize. He just couldn’t stop thinking about it. “I dunno. Them being random friends just seems like too much of a coincidence. Especially with all the scare tactics. I just know that they’re up to something.”