when I first watched dead poets society I was thirteen years old. I idolised the boys on screen as heroes and protagonists, I defended their wrongdoings and I thought I was invincible, like them. I wanted to be Charlie, I wanted to be cool, aloof, funny. I blamed Mr Nolan, and I let the more simple, immature explanations seduce me.
today I watched it at fifteen and the boys grew human. They were no longer Goliath images of courage and picturesque, they were incredibly flawed. I saw them as peers. Today I am still Charlie: I recognise his struggles, I have coped the same way he has. I am also Neil- I never could understood why he would do that until now. There is no single person to blame for Neil’s death, only situation and fate.