#so annoying..

and his sister jokingly tells me to get a job so we could afford the ridiculous $6000 a month price tag.

i get it. I've always wanted a place of my own too. i lived for 25 years in a house full of people. and now I'm living with my husband, again, in a house full of people. I'm tired of it. i want my own space. my dream is to own a house too, but not with them. if i were to get a real job, it'd be to save up for me and my husband to move out, not to shell out on some extravegent house for the whole kit and kaboodle.

honestly, i don't know when i expext us to be able to move out. it'll probably years. we'll be with his family for at least a another two years, at minimum.. i just really want my own space. I'm so uncomfortable doing things around here, especially when my mother in law is around. she's a nice lady and all, really, but I'm such a nervous wreck and an amateur at everything, i always feel like she's judging me in her own way.. I've told my husband that if we move with them, i really want a backhouse at least. i don't know how seriously he takes it because he does look up houses from time to time and shows me houses without a backhouse. but a backhouse would be a must for me, with its own kitchen and bathroom. i need my own space. i look back at my instagram from last year and its full of new recipes that i tried out. this year? my instagram is very lacking because i don't feel comfortable trying out new things here. its frustrating.. I'd love to experiment more with cooking, and baking too! I've always wanted to learn to bake and i thought I'd be doing that at least a lot more because his sister was also interested in that. but then i never end up baking because i haven't been losing weight so its like, why am i gonna bake all these calories when i don't deserve it, ya know?

my ultimate goal growing up was always to be able to move out of my grandmas house with my family. and now that I'm here, that dream is gone. I'm sure my husband had the same dream for him and his family. they too never had a house of their own growing up until he was in high school. but its always been a small house. I'm sure his dream was always to move in a bigger house so he could have his own room. so i figure that's still his dream, to move to a bigger place with his family. but just like i had to let my dream of living with my family go, i think he should too. the plan is to eventually be on our own, right? if his family got a big house they could only afford with his help, what what would they do when we leave? what would he do?