#so !!!!!

"I love you." (al-haitham for eden)

"I love you." || accepting

─「エデン」─  she didn't understand it.

                this ACHE in her chest whenever she had to leave him, or that emptiness which seemed to grow more and more the longer she spent apart of him. how different she felt when he was near, how content she was when he was within proximity that she could sense, or the way she had countlessly and tirelessly sped up her movements the very second the ASTRAL EXPRESS landed on the familiar greenery of sumeru.

                because there was someone she wanted to see.                 because his warmth will make all the pain go away.

                what began as a dull ache turned into something almost UNBEARABLE, and the trailblazer could not bring herself to comprehend what had changed during many absences and reunions they exchanged as her journey took her across the stars. the GOLDEN PULSES inside her chest became stronger, it resonated with the longing displayed so blatantly on her face and in the way her own reflection showed how forlorn she looked as amber hues stared out into the galaxy.

                counting the minute she would return into the arms that brought her a sense of comfort.

                like a puppy seated at the DOORSTEP, loyally waiting for their owner to walk through that very door, eden was both the mirror and the polar opposite of that for she was the one who left and the one who waited to be able to return. maybe she was the puppy who was taken away from her favorite person, to fulfill her duties, to trailblaze as the nameless were supposed to and yet —

                the bandages wrapped around her bruised form started to loosen, but somehow ... the sting didn't fade. they were rooted DEEP within, pulsing with every breath she took, with every heartbeat.

                longing.

                dan heng was the one who told her of this word. a word that came with SERIES of recommended reads he suggested for her. and to pull her attention away from simply staring aimlessly into space, she read through them. stories that ended in various ways. the EMOTION that evoked the feeling of longing, a form of attachment and something so powerful that could create both MIRACLE AND TRAGEDY all the same. such simple word. such simple emotion. one word. four letters.

                she didn't understand it.

                not at first. not even months after having learned of this particular emotion. not even when she had witnessed it in others she had saved. the TEARS that flowed of grief when faced with losses. her aureate hues took in everything, cataloging them into different fragments of memory and how she learned to express what she was feeling. BITING somehow became what she found herself gravitating to. it was simple, it was satisfying ... —

                " i — "

                she tried. time and time again. almost every CHANCE she got after returning from the journey beyond the stars right into his arms and the WARMTH she would like to call home. she tried to voice what she was holding inside of her, that unfamiliar feeling threatening to BURST from her chest like the stellaron power itself. it was stuck in her throat each time. THE VESSEL didn't know why it was so difficult to do it. perhaps, because she didn't fully understand it yet ... so she hesitated. what if this was not it ? what if what she was feeling wasn't what she believed it to be ?

                i think i'm in love with you.

                what if ... this isn't —

                " i love you. "

                the SILENCE was deafening after he said them. the syllables falling almost uncharacteristically from the seemingly aloof and distant SCRIBE. yet, each word branded itself so profoundly onto her mind, engraving the moment right into her core and deep in the golden pulses that were her HEARTBEAT. the stellaron vessel found herself staring, liquid amber widened as though she was attempting to discern whether or not she had imagined what just happened or had it been REALITY.

                he still looked the same as ever, the same as she always remembered no matter HOW LONG they were apart. the steady gaze of copper-infused emerald was locked to her, like it was his way of grounding her to this moment and serving as a wordless reassurance that indeed, he said them. the words she struggled to say for many of their meetings. he must've seen it, he must've sensed it. he always did. nothing about her had ever escaped his eyes.

                there was no way he wouldn't know THE TRAILBLAZER had been trying to confess for a long time now.

                " you're in love with him, aren't you ? "                 " if so, you should tell him. "

                but she didn't know if it was love. was it okay to say them even when she, herself, wasn't SURE what it was that she was experiencing ? that was what had been stopping her all this time. was it alright for a being created as a weapon to hold something as powerful, and as sacred as LOVE ? was she allowed to have a heart so fragile when what was actually inside her chest could bring DEVASTATION to worlds beyond his own ?

                i don't understand it.                 i don't know what this feeling is.                 but —

                gloved hands trembled, only to feel his larger ones clasping over them in a REASSURING squeeze. auric gaze lifted to meet his, unaware of how her own vision became blurry due to the unintentional curtain of tears obstructing them. even so, the smile ... the one that certainly reached those eyes were real. as did the stellaron heart beating in the same rhythm as his.

                please let it be love.                 i want this to be love.                 i want you to be my first.

                " i love you too. "

Bonus ultrasketchy concepts