let me get what i want - part 2
A/N: {i made you guys wait MONTHS for this and i'm still getting comments about a part two so here u go xox}
rating/tags: explicit, smut, soft smut, gentledomfem!reader, sub!snape, snapes first time, praise, lil bit of aftercare shown, insecurity, lil angst, sev is touch starved af
song: please, please, please let me get what i want by the smiths
It had been weeks since Severus... Indulged.
In those weeks, he couldn't bear to even spare the Herbology professor a passing glance. Not in the hallways between classes, not at the professors table. Nowhere in the Castle or hell, nowhere on God's green Earth, would Severus look that woman in the eye ever again.
He pretended not to notice the way she'd begun to look at him with concern, or even worse, with disapointment, as the weeks progressed. But hidden deep down, he knew she was confused and hurt by his sudden change in behaviour.
But why wouldn't she be hurt? They had gone from conversing nearly every single day, something Severus had done with no one, to not talking at all. Not only that but he had even been brushing her off, blatantly ignoring her. She used to bring him small gifts, offerings almost; and he would invite her into his office under the guise of strictly professional meetings. Brew her tea out of politeness, surely nothing more. But lately, he had been sending her away at the door. Closing it in her face. Shutting her out.
But the truth was, he just couldn't look at her.
Severus spent that night the same he had for the past several weeks, alone in his office, buried in papers, trying desperetly to ignore the storm of feelings brewing inside him.
However, a knock sounded at the door.
Peeking through his long, black hair with repressed hope, he spoke: "Enter."
When she entered, Severus didn't know whether to feel relieved or annoyed.
There she was, in that damnable shade of yellow that for reasons unknown to him had begun to plague his dreams. Standing almost nervously, she closed the door behind her and stepped only a few feet forward into his office.
"Good evening, Severus." The way she spoke was soft, timid but somehow assured at the same time.
Severus gaze dropped back down to his papers, as if he could even focus on them with her standing right there.
"How can I help you, Professor." He spoke, voice cold.
The silence that followed was defeaning. Only the gentle bubbling from various cauldrons across the office filled the room.
It was then that Severus looked at her, really looked at her. She was fidgeting with her fingers, holding them in front of that yellow dress, looking at him with a truly apologetic expression. Her eyes, which he had grown so accustomed to looking up at him brightly, now looked tired and sad, staring across at him from the stiff room.
Severus stared at her for a minute, as if commiting every detail of her face to memory as remedy for what had occured.
She took that as her cue to speak, "Severus. I think I upset you, a few weeks ago. I was trying to be kind.. And when I called you a friend, I meant it-"
Severus looked away. She stepped closer.
"But I didn't mean to upset you. And Severus, frankly, I don't regret it. I do consider you my-"
"Stop," Severus murmered, his gaze cast on the papers in front of him.
"Friend. You are my friend. And I'm sorry that upsets you for some reason. I'm sorry the idea of being friends with me is so horrible that you can't find it in yourself to speak to me for weeks-"
"Stop." Severus murmered, a little firmer this time, his gaze remaining unmoved.
"No you shut up and listen." She snapped.
And shut the fuck up he did.
Severus head snapped up, staring at her in plain disbelief. She raised her voice. Actually raised her voice.
Why isn't he furious? Why isn't he yelling back? Why are his pants tig-
She stepped forward, the look on her face both pained and frustrated. "Severus. You are my friend. You might very well be my best friend. And I know that you might not even like me very much, but I happen to like you. So why can't you just tell me what about me is so intolerable that you push me away so hard after I call you a friend?" She spoke, her voice lower now, but still firm.
Severus hesitated, opened his mouth, closed it again.
But she only continued to look at him with that expectant expression on her face. She wanted an explanation he couldn't give her. But he was backed into a corner, for the first time in years, no control in his hands. No power. Just... her.
He swallowed, spoke lowly: "You are not intolerable..."
She blinked, now even more confused.
He sighed, reluctantly realising he must elaborate, "Only you are."
When he met her gaze again, he watched as her expression shifted, changing from confused to... understanding?
She blinked, stepped forward again, closer to the desk where he sat. Her eyes widened, lips parted, then closed again.
And then she said possibly the worst thing she could have: "You're frightened."
Severus clenched his jaw, stood up from his chair at once, now towering over her.
Control. He needed control. "I am not a coward."
Something shifted in her again, a dangerous glint in her eyes as she stepped forward, now directly in front of the desk across from him. For a moment, Severus considered backing up, then immediately scolded himself.
She whispered: "You aren't?"
Severus clenched his jaw, straightening his back. "You know I am not."
Her head cocked as she rounded the table, walking closer to him. Without even comprehending it, he slowly began moving back, the action unknown to him until the back of his head hit the wall.
She looked up at him, smirking almost, only inches away from him now. Like a predator toying with its meal, she gazed at him with wicked amusement.
"Severus," she started, almost teasingly.
"Severus, did I ever tell you, how proud I am of you for that that Polyjuice potion you brewed a few weeks ago?
His stomach flipped, cheeks flushing crimson without his permission. Severus opened his mouth, but she spoke again.
"That must have been... truly difficult. Really. I heard those potions take weeks. But you did, so well. In fact, no one can do it as good as you can." The smirk on her face was growing now as she stepped impossibly closer.
Breathe. He couldn't. Breathe.
He didn't realise he was practically panting until he felt his own breath against her lips. She looked up at him, having to crane her neck to do so. "Is that it, Severus?" She whispered. "Is it my friendship that scares you so much? Or is it my praise?
Her lips grazed his, whispered: "Or is it my touch?
At the same time, her fingertips began to trail up his arm, her touch feather light. At this, Severus found his breath, gasping slightly, looking down at her with his mask completely fallen. For the first time in his life, Severus allowed himself to be completely powerless at the hands of another. While others had controlled his entire life, Dumbledore, Voldemort, this was different. This was... welcome.
He allowed her to put her hands on his chest. He allowed her to back her up against the wall even further. He allowed her to crash her lips against his own.
The sound that came from his lips as they met hers was practically a whimper. He felt his face flush and the growing smirk on her own lips as they continued their kiss.
Her movements, the way her fingers tangled in his hair, the way she bit and flicked her tongue against his. She was as hungry as he was. Starved.
Panting, she pulled away and looked up at the mess he had become. His pale skin flushed, hair a mess, chest rising and falling rapidly as his lips parted, searching and failing to find the words.
She whispered, finding them for him. "Do you want this, Severus."
Her lips grazed his neck and his legs buckled. "Me. Severus do you want me?"
She pulled back then, searching his eyes for any sign of hesitance or reject. Instead, she found only desire and the fear of it. The understanding that the fear, the cowardice, he'd exhibited had only been derived out of desire.
Severus nodded, murmered, surprising himself with how steady his voice sounded "I do."
She smiled softly, hummed as if the answer had pleased her greatly. "Sit," She murmered against his ear.
Severus found himself obeying quicker than he'd like to admit. His hands found the seat of his arm chair as he sat down, using all his strength not to shake as he did so.
She stood directly in front of him, her long fingers working at the buttons of her yellow dress, un-doing them.
"Severus Snape," She murmered, continuing with her buttons, "Potions master. Veteran of the first Wizarding War. Looked straight into the eyes of Voldemort and lied to him. And who am I?" She paused with her buttons, looking up at him, "The newest Herbology professor? Half your age? A foot shorter than you? Do I frighten you, Professor."
His breath hitched as she slid the dress off, standing before him in only her undergarments, a black bra and panties. It shocked him, the image of both her near naked body and the colour of her underwear. Of what was really hiding underneath that insufferable colour of yellow. Even in those fantasies, the ones with his hands deep in his trousers, even then he didn't come close to picturing... this.
Her fingers reached back, unclasped the bra and it fell to the floor at his feet. His eyes wide, glued in place, he couldn't look away if the Dark Lord himself cast the imperiatus curse.
"Professor," She murmered, "Do I frighten you."
"Yes," The words fell from his lips in a shaky breath.
She fell to her knees, looking up at him with her hands on his thighs.
"But you're being so brave, Severus. Aren't you?" She murmered, placing a small kiss on his knee.
He gasped, nearly jolted, hands gripping the armrest so tight his knuckled turned white.
I'm dreaming. I'm dreaming. I'm hallucinating. Maybe I'm dead. Maybe I actually died and this is heaven and at some great mistake I'm here instead of down-
She kissed up his thigh, relising in each gasp as she did.
Severus panted, looked down at her as her hands found the buckle of his belt.
"W-wait," he said suddenly, voice shaky.
She stopped her movements immediately, looking up at him.
He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "If you.. do that... I won't... I can't.."
She spoke softly, "You won't last?"
He swallowed what remained of his pride, met her dark gaze. "Yes."
He expected her to laugh, or maybe to be annoyed, frustrated. Instead she nodded, still holding that soft look on her face as she stood again, looking down at him in the chair.
"I'll last long enough for the both of us then." She said softly, dipping her fingers into her panties and pullling them down to her ankles, kicking them to the side.
Severus could have died right then and there. His eyes widened, jaw weak, as he looked at her, fully naked before him.
Softly, she spoke again, "Have you ever touched a woman?"
He swallowed, shook his head.
She took his hands then, saying nothing of the slight tremor of them and placed them gently on her hips. Whispered, "There... Just like that. That's it."
His breath hitched. She was so much, softer, warmer, than he'd imagined. Even through the callosus on his fingers, he could feel how soft she was. Like a balm on aching skin..
He looked up at her, suddenly very aware his hands were on her and unmoving, yet unsure of what to do.
Her smile was gentle. "There you go. Touch whereever you'd like Severus."
Severus eyes raked over her naked body, commiting it to memory in case he really were about to wake up. He'd dreamt of this how many times, been tortured by the idea of it. But with his hands, physically, on her.... He wanted to touch everywhere.
He began to move them, hesitantly, gentle touching her as though she might break under the weight of his fingertips. When his hands found her breasts, her lips parted, his own breath hitching as though he was recieving her pleasure.
She watched, gaze soft, as he began to hesitantly caress and feel her. When his thumb traced over her nipple she sighed softly, causing Severus's breath to immediately hitch.
His gaze alternating between her breasts and her face, Severus allowed his hands to move on their own accord, trailing down her rib cage. His fingers ghosted over each bone, patiently tracing each bone. They continued, moving down her stomach, past her navel, to her hips.
"Do you want my help?" In any other scenario Severus would have scoffed, maybe even snapped. An offensive, degrading question.
But the word that fell from his lips was "Yes."
So she did. Gently, she took his right hand and guided it between her legs.
Severus gasped softly, staring at his hand where it met her, unmoving.
"Explore, Severus," She murmered, "It's alright."
He swallowed, allowing his fingers to tentatively brush against her wet folds.
He racked his brain, trying desperately to remember his school days. He'd been tortured nightly by hearing all about Lucius conquests, late at night in the dorms. He tried to remember what he'd said.. How he'd pleasured them..
I never thought I'd wish I'd paid more attention to Lucius sex tales.
He remembered one thing though. Trailing up his middle finger, he carefully pressed it against the apex of her core, at the very top. She gasped, and his head snapped up to her face.
"Are you hurt?" He whispered, stomach dropping.
She smiled, laughed breathlessly. "No, Severus. That felt good."
He looked back down at her, carefully, unsurely, began to move his middle finger in soft circles on her clit.
She gasped, gripped her shoulder, balencing herself on him and he nearly bit back a moan.
She was gasping for him. Moaning for him. He was bringing her pleasure, he was-
"So good..." She moaned, tilting her head back, "Fuck Severus... That feels so good..."
He exhaled shakily, picking up the pace just a little bit and watching her reaction as her hips bucked slightly forward. With that, he pressed his finger a little harder.
The sound that left her lips couldn't have been compared to any of his dreams.
She moaned, panting, grinding slightly against his hand while he worked her until she suddenly stopped and looked down at him, flushed.
"Switch places with me." She said.
Severus began to move before he asked why. Kneeling down before her now as she sat in the chair, he looked up, finding his face eye level with her dripping cunt.
"Do you want to taste me?" She whispered, reaching down to trail one of her hands through his black strands of hair.
He could have came right then and there but he closed his eyes, steadying himself until he felt ready enough to look up at her, at which point he nodded.
He pushed her legs gently to the side as if frightened he might hurt her. Inching forward, he looked up at her.
"Kiss up my thighs first," she whispered, "tease me a little."
Severus obeyed, leaving gentle, soft kisses on her inner thigh. Fuck. It was the first time he'd ever kissed a womans body. And he was on his knees. His bloody knees. In his office. For a woman half his age.
Still, he kissed gently, sucking softly and licking up her thigh. He wasn't exactly sure where this sudden knowledge or confidence was coming from. It was as though he was running on autopilot, straight instinct.
He stopped just in front of it, looked up at her through his eyelashes and found she was breathing just as heavily as he was. She nodded.
With that, Severus gave a small lick, breath hitching as she gasped and gripped the armrests beside his head. Again. A small lick.
The groan that left his throat surprised even him.
Something inside him snapped and he attatched himself to her, licking and sucking messily at her. He wasn't sure what he was doing, other than to focus on that same particular spot from before that seemed to make her gasp, and that certainly seemed to do the trick.
She arched her back, gasping as her fingers tangled in his hair.
"Severus," She moaned. It took all of his will to focus, continuing to eat her out feverishly despite the painful strain in his trousers. He wanted to reach down and palm himself right there, but stopped out of fear of this finishing too early.
He flicked his tongue across that spot again. Her back arched. Again, she moaned his name.
Studying her responses, her gasps, her body like he was studying for the most important exam of his life. He panted against her, his grip on her thighs tightening as he continued flicking his tongue in that way.
She tossed her head back in pleasure and Severus watched every moment of it as she squirmed and panted. Her face contorted in bliss, she panted out his name.
"Severus fuck... That feels so fucking good..."
He moaned, dipped his tongue into her entrance and moaned as she did.
"Yes.." She panted, "You're doing so well... Just like that.. Fuck you make me feel so good."
Severus felt dizzy as he began flicking his tongue again, alternating between long and small strokes, trying to best decipher which she liked the best.
When he found her body jerking more at the quick, rough licks, he licked his way back up to that particular spot and began doing so in quick, rapid succession.
A moan tore from her lips, the loudest one yet as she gripped his hair. Severus whimpered, latching onto her, sucking and flicking his tongue across her desperately.
Her thighs began to shake around his head, her breath coming in quick pants.
"Close," She moaned. "Fuck Severus, you're going to make me cum."
He moaned, nodded against her, continued with even more urgency.
He needed it. Needed to make her feel good, for her to cum. For her to cum on his tongue. Needed to taste it. How her release felt when it was him who was drawing it out of her. He needed the satisfaction, the pride.
He gripped her thighs a little tighter, hummed.
She gripped a fistful of his hair even tighter as she grinded against his face, desperately chasing her release.
"Severus fuck.... Like that, like that... Don't stop.."
He would never stop. He could stay here like this all day if she wanted him to. If she kept saying those words to him, kept making those sounds.
She whimpered and shook, and Severus didn't need to know much about sex to know she was cumming. He continued lapping at her until she was done shaking and whimpering, until her breath began to come out in slower pants. Only then did he pull away, chin and lips glistening as he looked up at her with clouded eyes.
She panted, catching her breath and released his hair from her grip.
"Fuck.." She gasped. "Fast learner."
He smirked ever so slightly, almost pridefully, his grip lessening on her thighs as he absent mindedly tracing small circles over her hips and thighs.
"That was," he started, "you're... you're beautiful."
She smiled, still panting, as she tiled his chin up to look at her as she stood.
"Get in the chair." She murmered.
And once again, Severus found himself complying.
When he was in the seat, his hands found the armests as she stood between his legs. Her hands made quick work of his zipper, undoing it and pulling his pants down only slightly.
Severus's breath hitched. Suddenly self concious of everything. He didn't expect this... What if she didn't like the look of him? What if she was disgusted? Worse, what if she laughed?
He watched, frozen, as the corners of her lips didn't turn up into a smirk as she pulled him out. Instead, her tongue darted across her lips, exhaling heavily as she held him in her hand.
"You're beautiful," She murmered.
Severus felt dizzy. Her hand, she was touching him. Touching him. There. Calling him beautiful. There was no malice in her voice, no surpressed laughter, no mocking tone. Only honesty... And need.
He looked up at her, almost vulnerably, his breath coming in quick pants as she stroked him. Her hand was smaller than his, softer, warmer. If she kept up with this... he wouldn't last.
As if she knew, she straddled him, hips hovering just above his. With a gentle hum, she tucked his sweaty hair behind his ear. "Do you want this?" She whispered.
Severus could have said no. He could have shook his head and he sensed she would respect it. But he also knew he couldn't... Wouldn't forgive himself he denied himself any more pleasure. Especially from her.
With a shaky breath, he whispered: "Please."
A soft smile and a gentle kiss on his forehead, she sunk down slowly on him.
The gasp that flew from Severus's mouth shocked them both. His hands flew to her waist, holding her in place when she had sunk down on his entire length.
She was warm. And wet. And tight. And beautiful.
He was breathing even heavier now, his fingers digging into her hips as he maintained eye contact. For once, when he looked at her, for the first time in weeks, he let his guard fully down. Perhaps that was the first time he'd done that in his life, allowed someone to truly look into his eyes and find some truth behind them.
She held his gaze gently, as though she were holding something delicate, sacred. "Severus," She whispered, "It's okay. You're okay."
That seemed to break something in him, he swallowed, nearly whimpered. "Please..." He whispered.
She didn't make him say anything more. She knew what he needed. Her hips began to move, gently, slowly at first; rising up and down in slow, fluid motions.
Severus's legs shook, his breath hitched.
Merlin. He could die now and be perfectly happy.
Then, she moaned softly. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she buried her face in his neck, planting soft, gentle kisses as she continued to ride him.
It was too much. Her kissing, her moans... The feel of her hands in his hair and rubbing his back... The feel of her tightening around him.
He panted, his own hands gripping impossibly tighter on her hips as she began to move faster, bucking her hips against his.
The moan that flew from his mouth was obscene. Loud, deep. He moaned her first name, saying it out loud for the first time with a desperate edge to it he was too far gone to be embarassed about.
It only seemed to spur her on. Moving faster now, she bounced on him, kissing his neck, whispering in his ear. "Fuck Severus, you're so big," She murmered, "Feels so good."
He panted, eyes squeezed shut. Any sembelence, any last ounce of control fled him as he allowed his eyes to flutter shut, his head leaning back against the chair as she rode with a fierce intensity.
"You're so handsome like this Severus... All needy for me," She whispered, her breath hot against his neck as she panted.
His hips jerked, rising impatiently to meet hers as shame completely abandoned him. "Pl-please... I.. I can't.."
She hummed against him, not slowing down. "I know baby. Do I feel good?"
The nickname alone could have made him cum. He nodded desperately, his hands shaking against her hips, head thrown back in shamless pleasure. "T-too good... I.."
"Shhh," She murmered, grinding against him even faster, "I've got you baby. Let go for me."
If he was thinking clearly, he might have considered pulling out. Or in the very least asking where he should cum. But in that moment, sweaty and dazed, her naked body on top of him, riding and praising him.. His mind only echoed her name.
Shaking, he tilted his head foreward, resting it against her shoulder as if he needed the support. The tightening in his lower abdomen grew and with small, quick whimpers, he came into her, his hips jerking and stuttering.
She hummed, panting as she slowed down, kissing up his neck to his cheek.
For what felt like an eternity, Severus stayed completely still, leaned against her, catching his breath. He felt as though he were floating. Half out of his body, half in it. As though he were in a dream. No potion could brew this. No spell could conjure it. Only her.
She kissed his cheek one last time before rising off him. He hissed in sensitivity as she slowly got off, tucked him gently into his boxers, leaving his pants unzipped.
Severus panted. The absence of her touch seemed to jolt him from the daze and he suddenly became very aware of what they had done, what he had allowed himself to do.
He couldn't bring himself to look at her.
"I'm sorry," He panted, the words sounding weak, "I'm sorry-"
He wanted to continue, but she tilted his chin up and forced his gaze back on her. On her face there was no disgust. No regret. Only a gentle expression he couldn't quite place.
It wasn't like earlier. Not a hungry, passionate, needy kiss. It was soft, gentle, careful. Her lips grazed his delicately before she pulled back and met his widened eyes.
"That was incredible," She whispered.
His stomach flipped again but he remained still.
She straddled him again, though once again in a completely different nature. Her weight resting gently on him as she wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.
Severus blinked. Blinked again. He didn't realise he was crying until he felt the tears against her hair as she hugged him.
For awhile, they sat there in silence. She rubbed his back, rubbing in small circles and playing with his hair. She kissed his cheek and assured him that she enjoyed it, asking him if he did as well.
He did. He so did. And he didn't fully understand why he was so overwhelmed, so emotional. But so much was happening all at once. He'd had sex for the first time with the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, pleasure, lust.... love.... These feelings were foreign to him. Believed for so long to be out of his reach.
And all of a sudden they were all in his hands.
They stayed like that for awhile. Her hands gently massaging as she whispered assurances in his ear. When she finally pulled back, she looked at his glossy eyes and smiled softly.
"Can you stop avoiding me now, please?" She said, smirking.
He exhaled shakily, nodded. For a moment he looked at her and then felt a small smile tugging against the corner of his lips. He allowed it.
"I will.. Try." He spoke at last.
She kissed his forehead again, whispered against it. "Thank you."
Severus sighed again, melted in to her touch and her whispers. For once... Maybe he could allow himself the liberty of pleasure. Maybe he could get used to the feeling of her. He wasn't sure that after tonight he could ever go back to an existence without her touch. If he had gone his life without it, perhaps he could've. But to have had it and to lose it again...
"Stay," Severus whispered. "Please."
The look in her eyes when he met her gaze was soft. She nodded, trailing her fingers up and down his arms as she spoke, "I'm staying."
gang im gonna be completely honest i wrote this at about 1 am, high as a kite after watching deathly hollows pt 2 and crying at snapes death. i barely edited this thing. so if it sucks im sorry but everyone in my inbox is begging for sub snape and i am a listener LOL.
anyways. i missed u. have sub snape being a mess for a pretty lady. me too.
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