He had taken away the only opportunity either of them had to get away from New Jersey. Of course he’d have been by himself in the school, but he’d have scraped up enough money after college to bring his brother to him. That had been the plan.

It wasn’t the plan anymore.

He yelled without regard to how his twin—the only other one that mattered other than himself—flinched, without really paying attention. He saw his future—their future—shattered before his eyes. It hadn’t involved treasure hunting because that wouldn’t have been viable, but it would have been something. It would have been better.

It wasn’t so much the words that had snapped him out of his angry stupor, but it had been the seething voice that slithered down his spine. It wasn’t a roar, but it didn’t have to be.

Filbrick Pines could make himself heard without even raising his voice.

Stanley stared up at their father with fear written all over his face. “Wait, no, I can explain! It was a mistake!”

“A mistake?” He shoved his son down onto the couch and stared at him for not even a heartbeat before he stormed out of the room.

“Stanley, what happened?” Caryn demanded as she bounced the crying baby.

He didn’t even look at his twin, he was busy looking down the hallway where they could hear Filbrick riffling through things. “I-I broke—Ford’s project. It was an accident though, I swear. It was still moving when I left so I thought it was fine.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “You should’ve told me! I could’ve fixed it last night.”

Stanley looked over at him, eyes wide and pitiful in a way that they had never been before. “I—”

Footsteps started down the hall and everyone went quiet as the storm rolled in. There wasn’t time to ask any questions because before they knew it, he had grabbed Stanley and started hauling him down the stairs.

Caryn started after him. “Fil—”

“No, you’re not gonna get him outta trouble this time!”

Stanford knew what would happen—it was inevitable with their father’s temper. He went to their room, determined to give Stanley the silent treatment when he was returned with red marks on his back and legs. Stanley always squirmed.

Upon opening the door, he saw the window was open and clothes were strewn about in a way they hadn’t been when he left earlier that evening. It was clear to him that their father had rifled through their room, but why would he open the—

He heard the front door open downstairs and rushed to the window to look outside just in time to see his twin sitting on the sidewalk with their father standing over him. His eyes weren’t drawn to the two men, but rather to the duffel bag that sat beside Filbrick’s feet.

He threw the duffel bag down before he walked back out.

He had been packing Stanley’s things.

He was kicking Stanley out.

The bag was thrown into his twin’s chest, and he barely managed to catch it for all of his shock. “Stanford, tell him he’s bein’ crazy!”

He gaped down at the scene, unable to quite process what was happening.

He couldn’t kick out Stanley. He was just supposed to give him licks and send him back upstairs. He was supposed to give him a lecture and take away privileges. Stanley wasn’t supposed to be thrown out of their lives.

“Filbrick, what are you doing?”

“Quiet, Caryn!”

That snapped him back to reality. “Pa, this is crazy! You can’t kick Stan out!”

Because for all his faults, Stanley was the one that had been there for him most. When their mother was distracted and father was ignoring them, they had each other to rely on. They were brothers—twins—and that meant something.

“You stay outta this unless you wanna tag along with him!”

There it was. Exactly what Stanford had expected.

He was one mistake away from being kicked out, too. It hurt. It made him angry.

As much as he wanted to go to WCT, as angry as he was with Stanley, he couldn’t… he couldn’t live with the thought of his brother on the streets.

Because that’s where he’d end up and that’s where he would stay. Stanley was more stubborn than anyone else in their family. They wouldn’t see him again until he made millions… if he made millions. How could a kid without a high school diploma make that kind of money?

He couldn’t.

The worst part was… he could see Stanley dead in a ditch without any of them knowing.

And that made up his mind.

“Fine!” He yelled back, turning on his heel and hurriedly packing his own things. He turned to shout out the window, “We can make it on our own!”

After he was sure he’d gotten everything they would need—including the money they had stashed away—he ran downstairs and pushed past their father.

“Can’t we just talk about this?” Caryn pleaded. “Boys, come back inside.”

“No, Ma, he made his choice!” Stanford pointed to their father. “Shermie wouldn’t even come around if it weren’t for us—” He gestured between their ma, himself and his twin. He didn’t break eye-contact with the towering man. “—and when we’re all gone, no one’s even gonna visit your grave.”

“You’re not thinking clearly,” Filbrick stated, voice low and warning.

“Well, neither are you.” He turned and pushed his twin towards the car. “C’mon Stanley. We’re leaving.”

He got into the passenger’s seat and threw his bag between his feet, refusing to look back at their parents. If he looked at their Ma, he would break and go back, but he couldn’t—wouldn’t—leave Stanley.

“Ford, are you s—”

“Just drive!”

With a sigh, the car was started, and they were driving away.

They would need a plan.

Moses, what would they do?

“If the college board isn’t impressed with my experiment tomorrow, then okay. I’ll do the treasure-hunting thing.”

“Take us to the beach,” he said suddenly, staring at the road ahead with his mind filling with broken dreams and childhood fantasies in place of the weight of reality.

“Go home, Stanford.” Stanley had never sounded so tired before, so resigned.

He couldn’t think of that: of his brother’s sudden change in mood or reality. He could only follow through on his promise.

Their promise.

“The beach, Stanley! Drive us to the damn beach!”

There was a long silence before he wordlessly turned the car to take them on the familiar route.

His hands shook in his lap, but he ignored that.

They would set sail tonight and reach the next port by morning. He’d use the money they’d scraped up the past year and a half to get supplies. They’d been fishing enough to know how to survive. They would take work on the docks, rent out their ship for tours. They could do it.

He would make it happen.

The car parked and there was the beach.

Dark water kissed the pale sand under the pale moonlight. In the distance, the silhouette of the Stan O’War stood proud like a beacon calling to him.

He grabbed their bags when Stanley didn’t move and got out of the car, determined. They would come back for the car tomorrow, for now they needed to set sail and let the ocean wash everything away.

He threw the bags up onto the deck and pushed against the boat. After a moment of it not budging more than an inch, he realized his twin was still off to the side looking at him.

“H-help me push the boat,” he panted.

He couldn’t do it alone. Neither of them could ever do anything alone. He should have known better.

They could go, they could run.

They could disappear into the night.

“Ford…” Quiet—Stanley was never quiet—and resigned—Stanley never gave up.

Why was he like this? Didn’t he say this was the silver-lining? They could sail around the world and hunt treasure—he said that was the plan wasn’t it? Stanford had promised him this would be their fall back. They had to sail away.

He turned and started pushing against it with his back, looking at his brother with desperation. “We’ll go sailing together! Just help me!”

Stanley lowered his eyes, dejected. “Stanford, stop… just go home.”

Go home? That place wasn’t home without laughter and Stanley was the only one that made them laugh. He was still upset, but he couldn’t let his brother go without him. He couldn’t lose him forever.

The thought alone made his chest tight and vision blurry. “Stop saying that!”

Stanley glanced at him but couldn’t hold his gaze. He looked so broken and tired. It wasn’t the Stanley he knew.

“I… I don’t wanna go home without you.”

A weak, sad chuckle. “You must be pretty stupid if you wanna run away with me.”

There was so much inside him—anger, sorrow, anxiety, and emotions he wasn’t sure had names—and somehow, despite knowing so many words, he couldn’t find any to express everything he felt he needed to. What came out was immediate and desperate; it made his raw voice crack and hands shake.

“I said we’d go sailing if WCT failed! It failed!” His hand fisted his own shirt. “I promised!”

Stanley grimaced and rubbed the back of his neck. “I know… but sometimes promises break.” He looked up with quiet, dejected earnestness. “You can make something of yourself if you go back. You don’t have to be a fuck up like me.”

“Stop that! I’m not leaving you—never!”

“You think I’m gonna die out there on my own… don’t you?”

His breath hitched.

He wanted to deny it. He wanted to shake his brother and tell him that he was amazing even if everyone else thought differently. He wanted to be angry at him for ruining his chances at getting into the college of his dreams, to demand to know what he was thinking, to get that goddamn look off of his face so he could be mad at him properly!

Most of all, he wanted to go back in time to fix everything so Stanley wouldn’t have to look at him like that.

His knees gave out from under him, and he sat heavily in the sand, back pressed against the boat as a sob escaped his lips. His hands moved as they always did when he cried: pushing his glasses up so he could hide his face without smudging them and tangle his fingers in his hair.

“I don’t wanna lose you,” he confessed through the tears.

It felt as if there was an eternity before he noticed a warm body sitting next to his. When he looked over, Stanley was staring at the stars above them, head leaned back against their boat. He’d known Stanley every day of their lives and he had never seen him look so old and tired. Would he always look like this if he was alone?

“I always thought it was you and me against the world,” Stanley said quietly, chest heaving. “Now I know better.”

“Stanley—”

“We both know that you shouldn’t be here.” He turned to look at him with tears streaming down his cheeks and a sternness that hadn’t been there before. “Go home. I’ll be okay.”

Without thought, he grabbed Stanley and pulled him close, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt. “No, not without you. It’s you and me against the world—always.”

Fingers dug into his shoulder, but he was neither pushed away nor pulled closer.

“Go home.”

“No.”

“Plea—… please, just go home.”

                                                  _____________

“You’ll catch a cold at this rate.” Kagami as the umbrella resting on his shoulder in a lazy manner. When Iroh doesn’t respond he shifts it so it’s over the prince. “If you insist on staying out here, at the very least be smart about it.”

“Do you think I could’ve done something to save that boy?” Iroh asks quietly.

Kagami sighs and slackens his grip so the pole of the umbrella lands on Iroh’s head with a thunk. “What a dumb question.”

Iroh pushes off the umbrella off when it’s not moved and stares up in confusion at the other man. “What does that mean?”

“It means you’re just looking for validation to whatever you’ve already decided the answer to be.” 

Iroh presses the heels of his hands to his eyes. “He was only thirteen, Kagami... he wasn’t supposed to be able to join for three more years... I promised him I’d get him back home and I failed.”

“Did you have no intentions of bringing him home when you made that promise?”

Iroh startles and looks up at the man in horror. “Of course not!”

“Did you slack off when the Earth Kingdom troops surrounded us? Did you let them kill him without a fight?”

Iroh shakes his head. “No, no! I tried! I just couldn’t-”

Kagami lowers his torso so they’re eye level. “This was an unfortunate incident. We cannot go back and change the past, but we can take steps to change the future. You have a choice to make. Are you going to sit here and cry and get sick and die or are you going to take a stand and make a change so this doesn’t happen again?”

                                                 _____________

“What the hell was that?!” Kagami roars as he grabs the front of Iroh’s armor and holds him so the prince has no choice but to look at him.

“An experiment,” Iroh answers sheepishly.

Kagami shakes the young man as if he wants to throttle him. “That was reckless beyond belief! I’ve never seen such stupidity in my life. What were you even trying to accomplish?!”

Iroh grips the other man’s wrist to pry it off but the grip is too strong. “I need to redirect lightning. I needed to see if it’d work...”

Iroh grows quiet seeing Kagami’s face go blank and feeling him tremble under his hand. There’s a storm brewing underneath that silence- Iroh realizes- and he’s afraid of how it will come out. Prince or not, Kagami did not tolerate foolishness.

“You nearly died.”

The words give no room for defense or argument.

“I-” Whatever words Iroh had in mind die on his lips as Kagami’s head droops so he looks at the ground. “Kagami?”

“You foolish boy.” Kagami looks up with eyes dry as ever but so full of bitter sorrow and relief Iroh finds it hard to breathe from the weight of guilt on his chest. “Never do something like that again... do you understand me?”

Iroh nods despite his confusion.

“I’m not saying this just because it’s my duty to protect you from all harm... I’m saying this because... because if you died...” Kagami’s grip on Iroh’s armor tightens and his trembling stills.

The message was clear enough.

“I... I don’t know what to say.”

Kagami looks him in the eye with a fierce expression. “Never. Do that. Again.”

Iroh nods. “On my honor.”

Kagami releases him and lets out a breath. “Thank you... let’s go back to the palace before the spirits decide to strike us down for being out here during a lightning storm.”

                                                 _____________

“I’m proud of you, Prince Iroh.”

Iroh turns on his heel and sees Kagami. “When did you get here?”

“My shift started twenty minutes ago,” Kagami shrugs with an amused smirk. “I saw what you did there.”

“It wasn’t much,” Iroh mutters, face flushed.

“It meant a lot to that child to see that her future Fire Lord was human.” Kagami leans against the tree.

Iroh’s gaze slips down to the legs- more specifically his right. “Has your leg been bothering you?”

Kagami waves it off. “I’ve had this injury since before you thought of joining the army.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s still not concerning,” Iroh insists.

Kagami walks forward and it looks as normal as anyone else if Iroh hadn’t been trained to notice small things. He puts a hand on Iroh’s shoulder and smiles reassuringly.

“You said to only downplay your injuries in front of the enemy,” Iroh says carefully. “Do you consider me an enemy?”

“As your guard I cannot afford to show weakness, even in supposed privacy.”

Iroh signs quietly but doesn’t say anything more on the subject.

                                                 _____________

Iroh shakes as he looks down at Kagami. “You idiot...”

Kagami chuckles quietly. “I suppose the tables do turn every once in a while.”

“Why would you go and do something so stupid?! We can’t afford to lose anymore men! You’re lucky you only came out with minor injuries,” Iroh scolds.

“We needed those supplies to get through and we couldn’t let the enemy cut us off from it.”

“So you and a small squad go out without any backup and without telling any one else?! You’re one of the most experienced soldiers here, you know better.” Iroh kneels down beside his friend. “Why did you do it?”

Kagami grows silent and looks away.

Iroh closes his eyes and sighs. “Spirits help me... I miss him, too... but he wouldn’t want us to do anything reckless. You drilled that into us.”

“It’s... difficult... without him,” Kagami admits.

“I know.. trust me, I know.” Iroh puts his hand on Kagami’s shoulder, prompting him to look up at the prince. “But you’re not alone. The rest of us are here for you just like you’re here for us. We are brothers bonded by shared experiences and those experiences cannot break us if we help one another.”

Kagami is silent for several moments. Slowly he smiles- one of the brightest since that day which is sad because of how dim it is. “When did you become so wise?”

“When did you become so foolish?”

Kagami laughs and reaches forward to pat his shoulder. “You’re alright, Iroh. You’re alright.”

Kagami was chosen by Daiki- Prince Iroh’s first head guard- to help train and protect Prince Iroh two months before his retirement. Prior to this he was a trainer for new recruits and- as such- treated Prince Iroh as another new recruit due to his inexperience. This earned him Prince Iroh’s respect as he was blunt and never let him take shortcuts on his training. Over the years- despite his closed off and tough demeanor- Kagami grew fond of Prince Iroh and eventually started calling him by his name in private after Iroh’s insistence- he thinks of Iroh as family.

Large hands adjust the scarf on my neck. “Bundle up.”

I look up at the man in his undignified glory with an unlit cigar hanging from his lips and a fez tilted on his head

and give him a large grin that makes my chest ache.

“I’m warm.”

“Be careful,” he grunts.

He looks so tired.

“I will.”

He’s worried.

“Call if you’re gonna be late.”

“I will.”

He crosses his arms and bites down on the cigar as his eyes search for something.

Apparently he finds it. “See ya at dinner.”

“Yes, Grunkle Stan.”

I walk out exuding confidence that doesn’t sink down to my chest.

Dewy grass crunches under my feet as I walk through the nearby forest. It’s quiet nothing moves outside of me.

I miss Dipper.

He’d at least give me an excuse to fill the silence. He’d tell me facts about things around us or things that weren’t.

It’s been weeks, but it feels like years.

It’s been hard keeping my faith that he’s alive.

That winter’s jaws didn’t clamp down and suffocate him in the snow.

Every day I’ve gone out to look for him and every day I’ve come back without him.

Grunkle Stan used to come but now he has to pay the bills and Soos and Wendy.

He has to adult.

And that’s okay. I search enough for the both of us.

I adjust the backpack full of snacks for when either I find Dipper or I get hungry and supplies.

I pause at my usual “intersection” to decide where I’ll search this time.

It doesn’t take long.

I made up my mind to look in the canyon the night before.

I walk and quietly play music.

I can’t place when I started listening to music instead of listening for my brother. I just need something to fill the silence outside of the woodland creatures. I have it quiet enough I can hear him if he calls.

I swat a gnat away from my nose.

“Back here again?”

I roll my eyes.

“Yeah.”

“Why haven’t you given up?”

I turn to the voice with a scowl. “Because.”

“Because why?”

Her head tilts as she looks at me with sharp pink eyes. She doesn’t seem genuinely curious like the first time she asked. She seems to be exasperated like she’s just waiting for me to give up- which I won’t.

“Because he’s my brother.”

The fairy shrugs. “Good luck.”

I don’t thank her.

The first cliff I come across I look down and find nothing.

As usual.

I take a deep breath cup my hands around my mouth and “DIPPER?!”

My voice replies. I wait for a long time before sighing.

I reach into my bag and check for my grappling hook and first aid kit.

Both are there so I can start my climb down.

I don’t feel confident. I don’t think I’ll find him here.

I’ll look anyway.

Just in case.

Being in dirt is something I’ve never cared about. I love dirt I used to eat it until I got sick then I stopped but I still like the texture of it.

Yet I still have better hygiene than Dipper ever has.

I don’t think he believed in showers.

Am I near the bottom yet?

... no...

I just keep climbing down with my chest feeling weird but not with the panic from before but with something else I can’t describe like I already know that this search will end like the others. I think it’s because of my stubbornness that I keep going and not because I want to explore a little.