Hello my Alloweens! I typically do not write posts like this however I feel that this is something I wish to share with all of you. While this is not exactly Halloween related I ask you forgive me. I announced earlier that I will be getting married to my best friend and other half this October. I'm very excited but a situation happened today that made me face a fear that not only I face but everyone be it bisexual, straight, lesbian, gay, trans, asexual or however you identify! I myself do not identify as a lesbian even if I have and had been called as such in the past even if I've never dated a woman outside of my best friend. I've never really ever wanted another woman other than my best friend. I always found men more attractive and dated them however it always left me feeling a sense of emptiness only to really realize just how in love I've been with my future wife. I would go so far as to say well even in high school even middle school. We've known each other for 18 years this year and have always been extremely close and around her I've always been able to be 100% myself even at my absolute worst and ugliest of times. She's shown me nothing but love, strength, courage and trust. We've always known we were soulmates but both never really thought that we were "in" love or rather we weren't comfortable in our own skin to realize what we have is love. It's only been this last year that I feel I really blossomed and got to experience this love when she said she was in love with me and I too love her. Deciding to get married couldn't make me happier. However the problem is my crippling fear of judgement. My future wife is an incredibly fearless and strong woman as she is beautiful. She's always been unafraid of what others would think of her. Where as I on the other hand get terribly afraid of what people think or how they would look at us. For the past two weeks, I told myself that I too wanted to be brave and to show my love, my want to be happy and hold her hand in public. A simple action that everyone and anyone should be able to do. On our way to the car from the store I was reaching out to hold her hand but still became afraid and pulled my hand back. As I drove us home, my mind was full of thoughts and frustration with myself asking: why am I so afraid? I've had people in the past say how "weird" and "not normal" it is with how close I am to my future wife in the past along with other friends from family and peers. I once took a trip with my Choir to New York where I was made to sit in the back of the bus alone and change rooms because other girls in my class were afraid that I was a lesbian like it was terrible. What I've gone through is nothing at all compared to some of the sacrifices others have made however they too were strong enough to live in the moment and love. I love my future wife with everything I am. And I promise from today I will hold her hand. I will kiss her when I want to. I will hold her when I want to. I will love my wife. I will proudly call her my wife. I will be as strong and bright as my wife if not more. I will love her and cherish her just as loudly as I love Halloween. Life is much too short to not surrender to this happiness. My followers and Alloweens, love who you love. Enjoy what you enjoy be it Halloween, Christmas, Easter, socks, sports, food, man, woman-- all I ask is that everyone of my followers have a beautiful life as you all give me joy. Have a fantastic day and stay HALLOWEENY! Much love! ~M 🎃
