#smoooooooooch

i'm not sure i'd listened to the album through before I got it as a CD for driving recently, but from the very first-

Dog Days Are Over - we start at the end. Pannie is going to do the Worst, have the Worst time through the entire series, because i want to try seeing how bad can it get. but once the final book is done, the end is in sight? i'll have the option to reverse course. because i do love Pannie. she gets her happy ending, after all the toil and trials.

and my fucking god will she be terrified when things start to go right. when she starts to win- when the good times come. because fuck when you've been fighting for so long in the tarpits, easy movement feels wrong. too many good days in a row are a threat, isn't it making the bad build up, make it taste all the more bitter for the sweet you'd indulged in? it'll take a bit for the new way of things to sink in.

Rabbit Heart - Pannie's always been cursed. always had things go wrong. but wrong offscreen, in a backstory haze, is different. this is Pannie's almost-awareness that she is becoming a significant piece in a board game she didn't know was happening and doesn't understand. congratulations, you have special blood and immunity. congratulations, the wolves want you even more. turned to gold in the sunlight- the diminishing autonomy and freedom that comes with the Agency and UB's protections. she's scared. she's so fucking scared. she never wants to go back.

I'm Not Calling You A Liar - Pannie fell in love with a man named Lucien. he was her soulmate- they were meant to be together until they met Ava and then all three of them would have been together. but he died.

she was already defensive, proactively aggressive to protect herself. it got worse after Luce died.

Howl - she never knew what Luce actually was

Kiss With a Fist - yeah, so, after she broke up with Bobby she hooked up with this shithead dude Eber who was involved in the fashion industry and drugs. neither was Actually Literally Violent (if you interpret the song that way) but it is that sense of. they were toxic and awful for each other. passionate and chaotic and constantly breaking up, doing shit to hurt each other, making up again. and Pannie by far preferred something that gave her the highs and lows of this to the alternative of being alone and thinking about how badly she missed Luce. at least the drama of who was cheating of who and how he was going to apologise and how she was going to fuck up something at work for him- it kept her from killing herself.

Girl With One Eye - and this is Eber's thoughts and feelings in turn. he misses his pet...

Drumming Song - her feelings for Ava are going to be the fucking death of her if Supernatural Threat Of The Week isn't lmfao

Between Two Lungs - how it felt to be with Luce. how it will feel to be with Ava one day.

Cosmic Love - the tattered, shrouded bond that should have been shared between three. losing Luce, but finding Ava.

My Boy Builds Coffins - this is more and more about Luce and i know i dont shut up about him but AUGH he's important okay.. Pannie's heart is so fractured- and she doesn't even realise how much about him she never fully understood yet. they didn't have the time.

Hurricane Drunk - she's gonna go out drinking with Tina, Farah and Morgan one day and she's going to lose her shit and fall apart and after it's all going to start feeling better.

Blinding - Pannie is such a tragic character and i know she's heartbreaking and depressing but. she also is hanging the fuck on. she wants to live. she wants to LIVE. she doesn't want to just be a fuckin monster energy juicebox, valuable macguffin for would-be tyrants to toss and trade around! she's the scapegoat which has been turned out into the wilderness but refuses to fucking die.

he'sabouttokisshimthey'reabouttosmooch

smooooooch

oooooh