#sleepy feedee

It's been a while since I wrote here. Life just got away from me, I guess. I just wanted to check in and see how everyone was doing? I am doing great now. I got a really good (practically glowing) report from the doctor last week and she told me to keep doing what I am doing because I have never been in better shape since 2019 when she took over my care. I have also never been fatter than i am now either. I have to go in and see her again in a year. If I am doing this good now, how much better will I be doing carrying another 50-75 lbs on me??

It's been a whole minute since I wrote in here last. I had to take some time for my mental health. After recovering from pneumonia and then trying to get my feeder through it while not being fully recovered myself, I felt myself becoming too fixated and dare I say obsessed with gaining daily and the number on the scale. I knew logically that things were going to fluctuate, and they have, I just found I was getting too down on myself if I didn't gain. It gave me flashbacks and I needed some separation. I needed to just be present in the moment again. I just had my first weigh-in this morning in over 1 month, and it looks like not paying attention has worked. I have gained 3.6 lbs (1.6kg) in a month!!! I am very close to falling off the edge and into uncharted waters of being the heaviest and biggest I have ever been... ever, and I am both excited and every nervous at the same time, but it seems my hibernation weight is here to stay!

It's been a whole minute since I wrote in here last. I had to take some time for my mental health. After recovering from pneumonia and then trying to get my feeder through it while not being fully recovered myself, I felt myself becoming too fixated and dare I say obsessed with gaining daily and the number on the scale. I knew logically that things were going to fluctuate, and they have, I just found I was getting too down on myself if I didn't gain. It gave me flashbacks and I needed some separation. I needed to just be present in the moment again. I just had my first weigh-in this morning in over 1 month, and it looks like not paying attention has worked. I have gained 3.6 lbs (1.6kg) in a month!!! I am very close to falling off the edge and into uncharted waters of being the heaviest and biggest I have ever been... ever, and I am both excited and every nervous at the same time.

It's been a while. I am finally starting to feel a but better. My house is starting to get back to normal, too. Christmas is approaching, and I am hoping to get back to my fighting weight before then, but my appetite keeps trying to block me at every turn. I am starting to stuff just before bed again to get back on track. Do you think my plan is working? My tummy feels solid and heavy, but the scale is lying, I think. Anyway, sorry for the short post. I am still trying to rest as much as I can cause I want to be totally good for all the Christmas goodies I can put into my greedy tummy!

Okay, I am confused about something. Do people who live their lives in bigger bodies have "feeling fat days" ? I am being genuine in my question because I have been feeling very large all day today. I just have this feeling like my tummy is a lot larger and much more solid today. It's also heavier and unyielding. My waddle is more pronounced, more so than I even I think it ever has been before. My stamina is way down, and I got winded waiting for the elevator to travel up one floor. I keep knocking stuff off my desk and drawers. I just feel really really fat today, and on the scale, I have not gained hardly anything... Is there such thing as a fat fat day!? Cause I feel today like I may be in one of those days. I keep counting down the days til someone asks me when I am due because there is no hiding this food, baby bump! Except for when I wear my onesie of power. Then I just look like a cuddle ball with arms and legs... and a colorful dragon tail. I think this dragon needs to go to bed and sleep off some of this day. Hopefully, I will be wake up still feeling round and over plumped like this in the morning. I kinda like this feeling. Sweet Dreams and Happy Halloween!

I have a sad and a bit of nervousness. I normally work from home on Tuesdays. So I pushed my limits hard during dinner last night for some painful, but still quite successful gains. This was all because I thought I could live in my oversized sweats today. I have been grazing all morning, wanting to keep the full sensation that I woke up with lasting longer... THEN, the power goes out. We don't know what happened, but it is affecting everyone. I have a back up generator, but who knows how long that will go for, but if it dies I don't know what I am going to do. I will most likely have to jam my tummy that is about this big and solid again, into some jeans and go to the office and pretend like I am not about to burst already. This is sad scary 😨 I honestly don't think this tummy will fit in my jeans. It doesn't help either that there is a loud alarm going off telling me that my time is getting so much closer. I shouldn't have had that bowl of cereal that was just greedy...and with that...my work computer just died. 😭😭😭😭