i was looking forward to atleast wake up ng bandang 5 am pero mag 4 palang when i decided to check on my fone. gising na din ako about an hour before that. think kelangan ko nang ituloy pagbili ng sleep supplement.

akala ko pa naman mejo bumabalik na yung "better sleep" ko. better/normal sleep ko is- around atleast 5-6 hours na semi deep sleep. mej okay kasi nung monday and tuesday.

i really dont know whats with the last few weeks. i should be sleeping way way better. wala naman talagang bagong shit or what. or is this still the september blues?

edit: realizing september-october blues pala yon, maybe even safe to say na last quarter yon dahil sa last year.

I take a step into a puddle.

I withdraw my foot. Wet. Why is it wet? I look around. I'm at a bus stop near my university. It is raining and I have no umbrella. I'm underneath a small tree for protection - just branches, really, how useless it is in shielding me. It is flooded and I am on the only non-submerged part of the sidewalk. It is like Hurricane Harvey again. Both ways are underwater.

I open my phone to call my parents to tell them that I'm flooded in. My phone is going to get so wet. I couldn't even try to leave - my car would probably die trying to. If I had it. It is parked near the furthest building back and not only is my path long, it is inundated with flood waters.

Wait. Why was I so far away? A thirty minute walk from my car? I don't even go to this bus stop. I drive by it every day. With my car. Thirty minutes away. How did I walk to here? When did I get here? Why am I here?

Oh. I'm not. This is a dream. Is it? Yes. I think, no I know. This is a dream. This is an odd dream. Almost disbelieving, I dip my bare foot into the waters. It feels wet. It feels cold. I thought you weren't supposed to feel sensations in dreams. I am skeptical. Why was I having this dream? Earlier this afternoon, when I drove through my neighborhood, I thought about how it had all been underwater back then except for the bridge at the entrance. That was probably why.

I stepped into the waters, now up to my shins. I feel a sense of panic as if I shouldn't. Flood waters only need to be so high to sweep you away, and are contaminated. There was no point in doing this. Besides, what if it wasn't a dream? Better safe than sorry. No. I know it is a dream. I am certain. I take another step, and the water is to my knees now despite there being no change in elevation. I know it is a dream. There is no point in being safe in a dream. Now is my chance to feel these strangely alien sensations. Now is my chance to explore.

I take more steps. A black mist starts to spread with the ripples from each step I take. Blackness is engulfing the nearby surroundings. The dream fades to dark and I am back in my bed, but not really back. I know this is still part of the dream. I am thrown out of my bed, but I still remain in bed. Idly, I think to myself that this is the out-of-body experience people so often report. It looks so close to reality, but I know better. I know it is just a dream. Tumbling on the bedroom floor, I am thrust into another dream. This one I lack the awareness to retain my memory of. Often when I lucid dream, I remember the events but have no control, or have control but cannot remember. This was the latter.

It is rare to have a lucid dream like earlier with such clarity, for me. I feel the memories of the current dream fade as I am experiencing it in real time. It was okay for a while, but something happens that makes me think that now is the time to wake up, to escape.

I open my eyes. I sit up in bed groggily and stare at the spot where I had been so rudely thrown onto the floor by my dream. This isn't a dream this time. Is it? I don't think it is, but can't say for certain.

palagi naman eh pero nadidisappoint ako specifically ngayon kasi may mga pinag hahandaan ako na puyat. edi ganito, di ako boost up for those at most likely na di rin ako makabawi after.

i also proved na hindi talaga dahil sa pag ccheck ko ng fone ng alanganing oras kaya sira ang tulog ko. kasi i was concious mula pa hindi ko alam anong oras pero hindi ako nag silip ng fone magdamag. ganun pa din naman, parang nakapikit lang ako the whole time. on the other hand, its better pa din na di nag silip sa fone kasi possible na mas wala akong pahinga if i did.

kaso eto, ngayong nag ffone na ako dahil nag alarm naman ako ng 5:30 (i actually opened my eyes earlier), nakaka ramdam ako ng antok na masarap itulog. napapaisip tuloy ako kung dapat ba nag fone ako nung nagising ako kanina para antukin HAHAHA but no, mas okay at "healthy" ata that i fought the urge to do so.

Conked Out: 12:30am

Dreams: Nawp

Sleep Quality: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Conked Out: 2:28 AM

Dreams: Nawp

Sleep Quality: ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Conked Out: 1:37 AM

Dreams: Nawp

Sleep Quality: ⭐️⭐️

Conked Out: 2:45 AM

Dreams: Yawp

I can’t really fully make sense of the whole thing but I remember it seemed to be something sexual or related to that. There’s a small dark room in my dream, maybe a kitchen where I stayed. There were other people but all of their faces are hazy to me now.

Sleep Quality: ⭐️⭐️

Woke up rested but definitely tired when my alarms rang, this was on me again I stayed up reading manhwa then switched to a book until I got too tired to keep my eyes open. Honestly since that first month (January) when my sleep schedule wasn’t shot yet while I was trying to improve it, is so difficult to get back on to. I think it’s because uni gives me a lot of feelings I haven’t sorted through and the stress keeps me awake because I’m scared of facing the next day. Not new but I really want better to sleep because better sleep means >>> waking up more prepared and rested for school and life; having better brain functioning and processing throughout the day and overall just a better mood!!