Things you said when you thought I was asleep.
Blaineās not sure if he can trace it back to what started it, or who started it. All he knows is that Kurt is his best friend, and Kurt is here, and Kurt is currently doing things to him that a best friend usually wouldnāt. Ā
His mouth is on him ā has been for the better part of the last half hour, everywhere, all over ā and itās overpowering in the most tangling way, like theyāre making knots and bows and tying them so tight that thereās no way they could ever unravel. And thatās a lot to process, so Blaine just focuses on the way Kurtās using his tongue and how his own back is arching because of it. How heās practically writhing, and how Kurt is the reason why. Not why heās the reason why, just that he is. Ā
āGod, Ku-ā but he cuts himself off, not sure if heās allowed to say his name. Not sure what this is at all, really, because theyāve barely spoken since they snapped.
Because thatās what it had felt like. A snap. Like they were a pencil being held with a grip too tight, or a piece of string being pulled too taut. And there was no slack in their friendship, never had been, just tension and a stretch that they were both committed to ignoring. Blaine had never been able to figure out why they ignored it, though. And he canāt figure out if this is still ignoring it, because even though he knows the taste of him now, he doesnāt know if heās allowed to put the taste into words and say them.
Itās not until afterwards ā both of them a breathing, worn-out mess on Blaineās bed ā that he traces it back. Kurt had come over to watch Summer Stock, and that was normal. It wasnāt their first rodeo with Judy and Gene. But Kurt had walked through the door with a weird energy, as if even just placing the lightest of pressure to his skin would make it spark and burn. And then Blaine had lent over him to get to the remote, not thinking, not remembering the electricity of Kurt tonight, and that was what had started it. But Kurt was the one to snap them. Kurt was the one to stop Blaine from moving back to his spot with a hand on his waist; Kurt was the one that had looked at him with a fire sitting there, just behind his eyes; Kurt was the one to kiss him. Kurt was the one.Ā
(And Blaine was so glad he did. God, he was glad).Ā
And now Kurt is the one getting up, getting dressed, acting like this was just some casual one-night stand, and not sex with his best fucking friend. Ā
āKurt, what are you doing?ā
He hesitates, one leg in his jeans and a shake in his hands that Blaine notices, wishes he could soothe. āOh... I donāt- I donāt know. I wasnāt sure...ā
āCome here,ā and he flicks the duvet down, gestures to the other side of the bed, tries to hide how desperate he is for Kurt to get in it again. And then he does, but theyāre still not really sure what is happening and what they are, so they just lay next to each other and breathe. Ā
Blaine closes his eyes and turns his head a little towards Kurt and itās not on purpose, necessarily, but heās too scared to actually look at him and so this will have to do. He is really tired so his chest starts to move deeper and with a weight to it pretty quickly, and then Kurt whispers his name. Heās awake, and he heard him, but he canāt find a way to reply, so he doesnāt.
Kurt slips out of the bed ā he feels the dip and then the absence, and he hears the footsteps padding across his bedroom floor. And then he hears Kurtās voice, quiet and a little panicked out in the hallway, and he keeps his eyes shut. Ā
āQuinn? Iām sorry, I know itās late.ā
Blaine canāt hear Quinnās side of the conversation ā but he hears Kurtās. Hears him tell her about what just happened, and how heās terrified, and that he feels like he just made the biggest mistake of his life. And Blaine feels the knots and bows from earlier but in his stomach, twisting, making him feel like he canāt move or breathe or think. Kurt regrets it. Kurt regrets what just happened and they canāt go back ā Kurt snapped them, and they are broken now, and they canāt be glued back together. They are two separate pieces, and they risked their friendship for what?
Sex. And Blaine had been so sure he was finding love in amongst it all, in the way Kurt held his face when they kissed and held his hand when they fucked and held his gaze when they came. Maybe not, though. Clearly not.
āI donāt know.ā Kurt murmurs, and then, a moment later, āI donāt know, Quinn. I think maybe- but. Yes, Iām still at his.ā Another moment and, āWell, he wanted me to stay. Yes. I know thatās not usually- Yes. Okay.ā A wait, a sigh, āDo you really think so?ā
Blaine wants to know what Quinn is saying, so desperately.
āBecause Iām in love with him, Quinn. What if Iāve just ruined it? Ruined us?ā Ā
And the knots and the ties loosen, let him breathe again, and Kurt is in love with him. Kurt Hummel is in love with him. And he wants to laugh, really, because why didnāt they just start with that, for godās sake?
Kurt thanks Quinn, and tells her he loves her, and then the padding is back and so is Kurt. In his bed and so close to him he might shudder, and then thereās a fingertip on his face, painting the outline of his features. Ā
He knows that he should let Kurt know heās not actually asleep, but the touch feels too nice to interrupt and he wants to be selfish. And then, when heās pretty sure Kurt is the one that's asleep, he says it. Ā
āIām in love with you, too.ā
And maybe Kurtās not quite asleep, and maybe that was on purpose.Ā