#slateshade

Blackdawn dug her claws into the ground. She stared at the open space ahead, wavering as if it marked the end of the world. In a way, it did.

Riverclan was all Blackdawn knew. It was where she was born, where she trained, where she made bonds, where she had her daughter. She did love Lilykit, truly. How could she not? She was her precious bundle of joy, her only kit. 

She wasn’t hurting her that badly. She was only making her a little sick…. Wasn’t she? An image of Lilykit writhing in her sweat-coated nest made Blackdawn shake her head. She tried to ignore the guilt clawing at her stomach, then felt guilty for trying to ignore it. 

Maybe she shouldn’t have been so harsh, should’ve kept to the plants that only caused bellyache and mild vomiting. 

She had gotten all she could ever want: sympathy and compassion pouring in from each and every one of her Clanmates, praise for being so strong, working almost as hard as Badgercloud to constantly hunt and collect herbs for Minnowberry. Of course, she collected some more plants when no one was paying attention, but, well.

Then all that love flipped faster than Blackdawn could blink. Compassion became rage. Affectionate nuzzles became claws at her hind legs as she was forced to leave the territory.

Dirt clotted between her toes. Blackdawn realized that the sun had shifted, and she had spent the entire time digging into the ground and staring at the border. She rubbernecked, half-expecting someone to be behind her, making sure she left. Maybe there was.

How could she just leave? She had never been alone. She didn’t doubt she was capable enough to feed herself and find shelter when needed, but would she always be eating alone? Sleeping alone? Doing everything alone?

She looked back a second time. Maybe she should try joining another Clan? No, even if they did accept her, they would just kick her out again after Heronstar announced her deeds at the next gathering, which he would have to do after two Shadowclan cats staying in Riverclan’s camp witnessed her exile.

She looked forward, raising her chin high. If someone was watching, then she wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of seeing her afraid. Standing as tall as she could, she stepped forward.

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A cold breeze ruffled Blackdawn’s pelt, and she curled deeper into herself. Instinctively, her paw reached for her mate and his warmth, and for a moment she was confused as to why she couldn’t feel him or Lilykit.

Then she remembered. She blinked open her eyes. It had been several moons since her time in Riverclan. Leaf-bare had settled in, and although it was melting away now, the night brought biting wind, and Blackdawn had to find herself a good place to shelter. She had found it in a crevice between two rocks.

She shivered, this time of a new memory. When leaf-bare had hit its worst, she had returned to the border of Riverclan, where she had thought she was lucky when she noticed Badgercloud on a lone patrol. She had thought he would help her, perhaps give her food. He had always been so giving.

But she had never seen someone so terrifying. His teeth were barred, every single hair standing on his pelt. His eyes blazed with blue fire. “How stupid are you to think that you can return here?” He had spat. “Stay away from us, you evil she-cat!”

Frog-brain! Blackdawn thought to herself now. In the back of her head, she knew he was right. Lilykit could have died because of her. Lilykit.. She would be bigger now. Would she still be the only kit? Maybe she found a playmate. Did she miss her, or was she glad that she was gone?

With a pang, she recalled Slateshade, Blackdawn’s own mother, as the black she-cat disowned her in front of the entire Clan, shouting at her to leave before Heronstar officially announced her exile. Yet Blackdawn still missed her. She wanted to feel her holding her again, wanting to feel her gentle tongue as she groomed her fur. Stars, she wanted to be loved by her again.

How could she have made such a horrible mistake? Not only did she lose all the attention she had worked so hard to get, but everyone she loved now hated her. Slateshade..Badgercloud..Lilykit,surely.. And her father hadn’t defended her all those moons ago. 

Die somewhere comfortable, Badgercloud had told her. He wished her dead. Maybe they all did. Surely what she did wasn’t so bad that she deserved death? Afterall, Lilykit didn’t die. She only became sick.. Incredibly sick. 

Blackdawn let out a long sigh. “Oh, I made such a dreadful mistake!”

“Yes, you did!” A chuckle answered. Blackdawn jumped to her feet, yelping as her back slammed against the sharp rock face above her. In the midst of her thoughts, she hadn’t scented anyone near.

Another voice chimed in. “Should’ve made a den with two exists!”

As they neared, Blackdawn, preparing for a fight, thought that she recognized them. Did she know the bigger, golden one? Or the brown tom with a red-tinged chest?

“Well Alderstar,” the brown one said–

Alderstar? Was this the Shadowclan leader?--

“Do you want the first pick?”

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..Hear me out.

Blackdawn and Alderstar and Myrtlewing are all my OCs, and there’s no reason they couldn’t have crossed paths at one point.

Unfortunately for Blackdawn, even her cruelness could not be matched.

WHY IS THAT RELEVANT WHAT THE HECK HAPPENS

IM SO CURIOUS

aight so basically

—Cloverpaw was a huge bitch, especially to Slatepaw

—only became mates with Ottersomething because he would do things for her (like catch prey and everything she didn’t want to do herself)

—cheated with a Thunderclan warrior she actually loved

—Otter caught her and refused to keep the secret

—she killed him

—Thunderclan warrior broke up with her anyway as it was too great a risk before she could tell him that she was carrying his kits

—I know she killed him but can’t remember if it was now or later

—killed his Thunderclan mate, too

—felt really bad and incredibly guilty, so she focuses on her kits

—apologized and became close to Slateshade, former victim of hers

—Being a lone parent with four kits, Slateshade likely helped her care for them + Blackkit was friends with the four

—died in battle protecting her son (fun fact! It was the kit of one of her victims that killed her — neither knew)

—Blackdawn joined the Dark Forest

—So wracked with guilt, if she can make up for what she did to at least one cat, even if they made up later, then she will + repaying her for helping her with her kits while she was emotionally broken

—So, whether or not Blackdawn herself knows, Cloverfox watches out for her to make up for what she did to + repay Slateshade

With a thud and splatter, the younger apprentice fell to the muddy ground, groaning as Cloverpaw and the two other apprentices with her laughed.

Slatepaw stood up, shaking mud from her fur. She bristled, her fur standing on end in different places. Cloverpaw looked at her and lifted a mirthed brow. How could something so small and filthy think simply baring their teeth would make Cloverpaw go away?

“Toad-breath!” Slatepaw hissed.

“Yeah,” Cloverpaw chuckled, glancing at her companions. “From smelling you!” Mocking laughter followed. Cloverpaw raised her head proudly as she continued to gaze at Slatepaw with disdain.

Her torment wouldn’t be so bad if she had followed the older apprentice’s orders, and by not doing so, she made herself a target, and still she refused to do anything Cloverpaw wished. Foolish she-cat!

“What’s happening?” a deep voice asked. The trio whipped around to see the twos’ mentors a little ways away. “Stop messing around, we were supposed to be patrolling before Quakefur’s hunting party left, but we couldn’t find you.”

“Coming!” the pair said in unison. 

When they left, the sound of squelching mud returned Cloverpaw’s attention to Slatepaw, who was rubbing mud from the fur on her face. “You know, Cloverpaw,” she said, glaring through her, “you keep up this look of the uncaring bully, and you will grow to realize how alone you are.” 

Cloverpaw rolled her eyes, faking a yawn while turning her back on the black cat. “Whatever that means,” she mumbled before prancing away.

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“Shhh, it’s okay.” 

“No, it is not okay!” 

Slateshade’s entire body was trembling, her claws sheathing and unsheathing, tearing up her bedding. “I didn’t protect my kit. I didn’t keep her safe. She was attacked by a hawk, for Starclan’s sake! She’s traumatized!”

Cloverfox pressed against her comfortingly. “But alive.”

“Alive and terrified.” Slateshade shook her head vigorously, as though a tick stuck to her ear. “I’m a terrible mother!”

“No,” Cloverfox said firmly, placing her paw over Slateshade’s own to still it. “You were away from her for one second. It was bad luck.”

“Or was it logical? Of course a hawk would attack a kit when their mother isn’t watching the–”

“You shouldn’t have to watch her at all times!” Cloverfox tried to keep the growl out of her voice. How could Slateshade even think she was a terrible mother? The love she held for her daughter was clear the moment she first held the tiny bundle of fur in her paws. It had been a long process, passed mostly by Cloverfox comforting the queen while her older kits were in the elder’s den. “There were how many warriors in the camp? Did any of them stop it either?”

Slateshade opened her mouth to respond, but Cloverfox beat her to it. “You were the one that leaped half a tree-length to pull that hawk from the air. And you were so busy checking on Blackkit that you didn’t even notice the praise surrounding you! And,” she added, holding up a tail when, again, Slateshade opened her jaws, “you followed that kit straight to the medicine den while your Clan got to share a feast from something you caught. This is the first time you left her side in nearly a moon!”

Slateshade broke a small smile. “I feel so guilty about it. That feels silly now.”

“If you want, we can visit her now.”

Slateshade’s ears pricked, and she looked ahead. Cloverfox joined her to see their five collective kits scamper toward them, eyes bright. 

“Mooooooove! They're coming after me!” Pricklekit squealed, his tail sticking straight in the air. Flashkit, Whitekit, Reedkit, and Blackkit chased after him, their little bodies quivering in inability to keep their excitement contained.

“See?” Cloverfox asked her, quiet enough so that the nearing kits wouldn’t hear but loud enough that Slateshade would over their noise. “Five perfect, healthy little kits, and two awesome mothers.”

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regardless of if this is saracasm or not

she tripped then her face fell on his face and shit happened.

It was apple juice