#skipclass

If you know then you already know. My return to blogging wouldn’t be truly official unless I did at least one of these. I no longer get paid to write these. So please appreciate these joints. Let someone know. Share it. Make someone’s day. Or ruin someone’s day. 

Enjoy...

Warning: Major visual violations. I’m not saying to buy a dead stock one of these from Procell for 2 racks, but this is one of those rip rap vintagey-ass bootlegs that doesn’t need to exist.

First red flag, Cuba on the car hood is from the scene where he MAKES UP a story about getting laid to his dad (Lawrence Fishburne) and during said false story he says he didn’t use a jimmy hat (par lance of the time for condom). He then gets the life smacked into him by his pops. I repeat… Cuba tells a fake story of getting laid and then gets real life smacked. It’s my favorite WTF moment from the film, but it’s a simp scene and thusly shouldn’t even be in this shitty collage. Long story short...let this trend crash and stop being 17 pretending you’re 36. When I was 17, I pretended I was 17 and possibly a wigger. *possibly **very possibly

Six God meets Champion. Graphically not foul. And whether you hate Drake or you're on the sideline aka cheer leader style, that’s a decision we all got to make for ourselves. BUT…you can’t just put dude’s name arched collegiate style and think that the Champion iron-on gonna save you. This concept would be better if it just said SANDWICH. I would support the Sandwich x Champion shirt 100 percent. Because billboarding yourself as someone that needs to be spoon fed on what’s cool is going to present dire difficulties for you obtaining intercourse with females.

You ain’t got one if you wear this. And nextttttttttttttt tah!

I like Hello Kitty. I sort of like Fila. But HK ain’t no 12 O’Clock boy. And this is highly egregious. Meek Mill is in prison for doing this. And even if you don’t like boy, you gotta respect his dirt bike grind. HK don't get a pass. 

Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives…and did my first zine in my dad’s office because he has a hella good printer there. 

Ironically, I have a real “reasonable doubt” that Jay never envisioned y’all making this cover into a kitten soft tee slash dress. Jesus doing jump jacks in the rec room. How long is this tee body? Dylan, you’ll be swimmin' in this thing with your 117 pound key bump body.  

Which one of my friends got dared to make this? Speak up! No? Nobody gonna confess to this pot luck of graphic fuckery? Says a lot about y’all. Says A-LOT. The shit look like someone spilled all the little pieces of paper with bad ideas scribbled on them, but they were supposed to go into a hat for some hipster drinking game. Then the loser had to mock them all up into this visual Voltron of Bullshit. 

On behalf of Caucasians and the his Royal Highness, Prince Patrick of Caucasia, him/I/we apologize for ruining the world with shit like this. We are deeply saddened this exists. And we will promptly come up with measures to ensure it will never happen again. *lies **1000% lies

Dawwwwgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg.

Why in the seven fucks y’all gotta ruin EVERYTHING? We got Migos and we got Akira. Leave them both out of this. I’m older than all of the Migos' members and none of them even knew the struggle that was, hiding an anime rental in between two regular movies at Blockbuster because back in the 90’s, it was NOT Versace to like anime. Like, you would possibly have to fight someone if they found out you liked anime. I survived that shit, mostly because my friends and I were stoned and it was easier to be like “Nah, watch this shit fool, this dude about to turn into this crazy fucking blob thing and fuck up the whole city *blows out bong load”. And Shane (real name) would then low key also like anime. But that didn't mean we could TELL anyone! So no. Kill this. Kill this with fire.

*insert the face of NBA player and ex-fiance to Iggy Azalea , Nick Young, Da Fuq Face right here.

This tee is so bad it gave me a mild stroke and one of my eyes is still twitching.