#singlehood

I came across a video on TikTok recently, and it made me pause and reflect.

This is more of a note to my past self. But if you happen to stumble upon this and it resonates, then maybe it’s meant for you too.

Dating these days is exhausting. That’s just a fact. It doesn’t matter how old you are or what gender you are— people are tired, guarded, unsure, half-healed, and still trying to connect. I understand why some people find that heartbreaking.

I agree with the reality. I just don’t experience it the same way.

For me, being single right now feels more like a blessing than a loss.

Same Truth, Different Meaning

I’ve seen people say that realizing being single is the safest way to live is sad. And I get it—when you’ve been hurt or disappointed enough times, solitude can feel like surrender.

But for me, it isn’t surrender. It’s clarity.

I’m not single because I gave up. I’m single because I’ve learned.

Lessons Don’t Always Come From Many Relationships

I’ve only had one real, long-term relationship. Almost seven years. It started when I was 26, back in 2014, and even now, years later, I still remember the exact date it ended.

That relationship taught me a lot. About love. About myself. About what I can give, and what I should never abandon again.

Maybe I’ll talk about it more in another entry... depending on my mood. It feels like a different topic altogether now, especially since I can finally laugh about parts of it 🙂

Also, another thing I truly regretted the most and still feel guilty about was being in a situationship. It didn’t align with who I truly am, and I bent my own principles just to fit into something that was never meant for me. That experience taught me how important it is to stay anchored to my values. It felt deeply wrong, and I learned not to repeat it.

Not all lessons come from quantity. Some come from depth.

Longing Exists — And That’s Okay

I won’t pretend I never wonder.

There are moments, passing thoughts even, where I ask myself when it might happen again. When I’ll be in a relationship? When love will show up in a way that feels right?

That longing doesn’t make me weak or sad. It makes me human.

But longing doesn’t mean I’m incomplete. It doesn’t mean I’m waiting desperately or feeling behind. It just means I’m open.

Readiness Looks Different For Everyone

People say you should only enter a relationship when you’re fully ready, wholistically ready. And while I understand that, what I’ve learned is this: readiness isn’t perfection.

For me, readiness meant doing the work. Looking at my own flaws. Letting the skeletons out of the closet. Turning toxic patterns into healthier habits. Not just for a future partner— but for myself.

Where I Am Now

I’m not actively dating. I’m open to love— but I’m not chasing it.

I enjoy my own company. I move at my own pace. I protect my peace without closing my heart.

Because this phase of my life isn’t about bitterness or heartbreak. It’s about wisdom.

But aren’t we always single anyway? Don’t we take our single-hood with us into our commitments?

I should be happy with a guy but why necessarily happier? And if I am a mess single I think I would most certainly be a mess committed, just with different problems.

Singlehood is often misunderstood. People—who mean well—feel called to ask a few questions and pull a few points in favour of being a relationship or marital union.  So, whether you’re single by choice or circumstance, it can feel like you’re stuck in a waiting room—watching others move forward while you’re left asking, “When will it be my turn?”  But what if this season isn’t just a pause in…