I hate when I tell people that I like to act, because that's a lie. I love to act. It is not a hobby, don't even question me on this. I almost get bitter because I've always loved being an attention brat and pretending to be something and someone else in front of my mirror because nothing felt better or more natural. And then others come along, and think they know it all. I get it, I need improvement. But I don't need it from you.
I also hate telling people that I like to act because they ask, "Well are you going to acting school?" or something involving a future in acting. It literally makes me want to cry in front of them. Yes, I'd love to continue acting. I'd do it, even if it didn't bring me fame. It brings me joy. But I don't have the money for acting schools, I don't know if I could ever even live off of it. The future revolving around what I am passionate about is so uncertain, the pain of it lingers in my abdomen, and sometimes makes me want to vomit. Because no one pays you to be creative or happy, they pay you to do what you're told. Which surprisingly, everyone is good at.
I want to do everything, be everyone. And I realize the doubt I have is exactly what people warn you about. But what they don't tell you, is how difficult everything actually is. That you'll work for people with half your talent and twice your pay.
All I really want is to be an inspiration, because all I've ever been is inspired. Inspired by what a good story can do to a person. What a fictional character can make a human being feel. That you can wrap your mind around all things fantastic and mythical and dark. It's lightest feeling in the world. Things like music and dancing and simply theatre can take you anywhere. It lifts the soul, and there is no end. You constantly push until you can no longer go on. And then you hand the mantle to another so that a legacy can continue. I want to be the one that someone can look at and feel only acceptance. That someone understands how much they love this. The one that simply continued.
And that is the beauty of theatre.Â
