#simon.....

aaaaaaa simon has been on my mind way too frequently this summer and i fear the brainrot is only getting deeper... ever since i discovered the cod franchise he's been my fav among the 141 mainly cause he reminded me so much of jason (specifically ak) but also not at all?? they're so similar in their critical thinking and acting but simultaneously could not be any more different? like. i don't know. and he's just so fascinating as a character it's dizzying. his persona just opens up so many possibilities and i thought my interest was tamed and moderate at first until aurore started cod posting... unleashing a beast within me....

mermaidghost is a ship that originally was intended to be very tragic. i'm a psychologist hired to work with the 141 studying their ennemies and targets but also keeping track of their mental state... and in all honesty simon's character is not just a walking red flag he's a literal siren sounding. trying to break through him for professional purposes is already a challenge and i don't think he'd necessarily be the worst person to date ever and beyond saving but i wanted to keep it realistic so knowing myself i really wouldn't be able to go on with someone like him. but somehow angel aurore once again broke my fourth wall and i decided to opt for a happy ending but we (he) have to work for it and it takes us a break and years apart to finally come around, making you question if it was truly worth it...

i think what i love the most about this ship and i told aurore about it is the implication that comes with it!!! i'm thinking of a man who's been turned to a weapon meant to destroy every human life he's ordered to. one who makes his adversaries wiggle in fear at the sight of his shadow because they won't live long enough to get a grasp of the brute of a man standing behind them. a silence broken by a bullet sounding is the last thing they hear as it pierces through them and a haze slowly falling upon their eyes before the light flickers out of them, a blurry ghost mask being the last picture they have of this world. a man who has been hardened by his past and time on earth over and over again erasing any type of fear from his dna, a foreign feeling that he's now overwhelmed with as the terror of falling for his best pal's little sister who's desperately trying to break into his psyche befalls upon him. a woman who's laying down her life for the belief of resurrecting broken human lives by the power of the brain and giving everybody a chance for a peaceful life. he's so tormented cause he doesn't deserve to be haunting the mind of someone who stands for everything he's been trained against and he doesn't deem it fair that i'm wasting my time on trying to get him to love me when he's the least deserving of affection and a coward who hides behind a mask, a ghost, the cage locking simon riley from this world. it's such a complex and delicate situation like he holds himself in the lowest standards and i'm just trying to get him out of his own head to realize that he's worth so much more...