#sijd

Maybe i should write my own book about prehistoric humans with the same premise but exactly reversed because why the heck not. She never explained why the chips fell as they did. I'll write it out of spite

That feeling when you call your doctor about a non-addictive medication a few days after getting another script for a narcotic and your doctor decides to ignore your questions and harass you about the narcotic. :/ Like thanks for attacking me it's not like calling you drains my energy in the first place and going off topic throws me off my rehearsed conversation. Not like that causes me extreme anxiety and stress. Not like I've been dealing with enough shit without a daily lecture when I'm asking for different medication. It's not like every single person in my life is hyperfocused on the fact I'm on a narcotic. Not like every single person freaks out and yells that I need to get off the narcotic. Like sure if you have a better idea for a pain killer I'm all ears but I am dealing with a lot of pain and can't just not be on a painkiller. I get that people are worried about me, but that worry is horribly misplaced and it gets real fucking frustrating when people tell me to do something with no suggestions to help. It's fine to be on your high horse about me being on a narcotic but without anything to replace it I'm just going to get worse. I'm working on lowering it now that I've had my injections, but I'm not pain free like everyone seems to think. It wasn't just some one-stop cure that fixes everything. I. Still. Hurt. A. Lot.

I bought myself forearm crutches and I’m conflicted about it. I have a lot of internal shit to overcome, and I just hope for my own sake it works itself out soon. It is a big thing to align my identity from my past (able bodied) with my reality for the past two years (disabled). I’m still struggling with it and it sucks.

I can't wait to get home to my laptop.