#sid post

Hello everyone, a new year has come, and it's about time I post a full explanation about why I suddenly dropped the idea of Sunset Villa and basically stopped drawing Cindy Heartfelt, my OC.

Before we start, if you're new to my art account then you won't really understand a whole lot of what I'm talking about but I assure you, it's not that serious as it's just me finally giving clarity to why I stopped drawing certain characters and a couple that my old followers have come to love.

In addition, everything I write here is just my opinion and thoughts. It's okay if you disagree, I just want to finally put this out.

What happened to Sunset Villa?

For starters, I deeply apologise for everyone who was excited to see the concept of Sunset Villa become a full-blown webcomic, not becoming a reality. I've completely overestimated my ambitions, as I realized how difficult it would be writing a complex and heavy idea that I planned for the story.

As not only it takes place in the past (1920s) it also covers HEAVY subjects that a simple hobbyist like me (who doesn't have a lot of experience in writing long and complex stories) couldn't accurately and faithfully write.

The story I had in mind about Sunset Villa covers subjects of war, homicide, discrimination, PTSD, and physical and sexual abuse. While still having the romance and drama as the center.

And it's really, really hard. I tried to write a page or two, and I couldn't go further realising how “Edgy” and “On the Nose” it was to read, deleting and drafting a lot of things until eventually I just couldn't think or care too much about it anymore, as I have problems going on with college, and my life in general that it just went to the back burner of my mind.

I could ask for help from my followers who have WAY MORE experiences in writing than me. Some actually have offered me a helping hand that I feel grateful for, but I turned them down as I know help doesn't come for free and receiving things for free especially when it comes to a person's talent feels wrong, and most of the money I earn on Patreon and commissions goes to my family.

And it's why I now just refuse the idea to create anything off of my characters or their stories, cause I'm just not ready or put out for that.

Where and what happened to Cindy x Sully?

Just recently, now that I looked back at both of their dynamics. I feel like canonly, Sully has done too much and is too broken, that if he were to be in a relationship with Cindy, it'd turn destructive. Cindy clings on to Sully as she sees him as someone she could fix, but Sully is VERY self-destructive and has done too much crime and evil for Francisco, he only sees Cindy as some sort of figure of solitude, making him dangerously possessive of her.

The process of fixing him would be difficult, and Cindy can't have her goals and attention to him only, which would make him feel entitled to have her for himself in an unhealthy manner.

It's a very complicated relationship, and one that is unhealthy.

Honestly, it's something that I have difficulty even trying to write about. This is why I just stopped, and to be honest, Sully is basically that “Booktok edgy Dark Romance Male lead” which is what I wasn't aiming for him, but everyone seems to love him that way.

While Cindy, as much as she is a hardworking sweetheart, with her goal to provide money to sustain her and her uncle's land, that's just it, I did not think too far for her as much as I make it out to be.

And as I drew them and more people asked for them, I got bored of drawing or thinking of them… "Then my interests just changed.

Lastly,

What happened to Cindy?

Cindy, when I first created her, she was a thin lady, but as time passed, I decided to change her body size and make her chubbier, and after my first post of Sully and Cindy blew up, people loved them, and her. I loved her too, cause as much as I try to deny that I don't see myself in Cindy or she is not a self-insert, she is. She's 100% a self-insert of myself, of what I wanted to be at that time, just happy with my unchanging self. Cute and beautiful.

But as time passed, after visits to the doctor, watching videos critiquing the toxicity and obvious flaws about the Body Positivity movement, I realized—me, thinking and being happy with how overweight I am, is making myself suffer horribly. I was always so depressed and angry at a lot of things, people, and even myself.

How much I was bed rotting and never coming out of my room, how my knees would hurt each step I take, how I almost feel like dying by just simply walking up the stairs, the amount of times I've tripped over because I just can't balance my own damn weight.

I started to realise how much my weight was taking a toll on my physical and mental health. I realised that letting everything and everyone around me change instead of myself physically is going to kill me. And how I now realised that Cindy is just a character made from me coping and giving myself a reason to not change.

This made me not want to do anything related to Chubby Cindy, as I want to move past that old me and try my hardest to change. At this moment, I'm far from achieving or completely losing my heavy weight. I'm still heavily struggling in trying to not be lazy anymore and start doing something productive and better myself.

I realized that I let a lot of people on the Internet tell me and decided how I wanted to do my “career” as a hobbyist artist AGAIN. I realized how I was just pandering to get more likes and followers instead of just doing things I wanted to do. It became too much until I just decided to just not give a damn about it anymore. I just started to do my own thing.

As much as diversity is great and wonderful, a person or an artist is not required to change themselves or their art to do it, they have their own choice to how they want to make their own person or art, plus there are other amazing diversity centered artists and advocates out there in the real and digital world that you can instead support, you just have to find them.