#sick mind

I don't know why I keep lying to everyone, even to myself, I miss SH..

Having crushes on older men SUCK. Every Sunday I go to church, I attend like a good girl, in my best Sunday clothes made of silk and iron pressed with steady, willing hands.

I sit on my bench and watch as he greets people, smiling with so much sexiness- it’s almost impossible to not clench my thighs. He does his usual task of preaching, his beautiful multi coloured eyes travelling around the room, on occasion (if lucky) locking onto mine with said smile.

I must look absolutely sick, staring, mouth agape, eyes wide and hands clenched together as if I had seen an angel come down to earth before me.. but i did.

I’ll never have him. It pains me so much. Why God?