#sic;ask

that’s a question. anyone in her life? sic stares, humming-- her fingers tap on her leg as she takes in the question, wonders and wonders but sic only has one in mind. “no,” she states quickly, stare even as she nods her head. “i want the people around me to succeed, sure-- but i don’t want to give up my hardwork to do so. i’m selfish. i want myself to succeed. i don’t want to give that up for another person. i don’t think i ever will either.” it’s a straightforward answer, down to her heart and sic means it; truly.

“well-- yeah.” she shakes her head, shifting in her spot and crossing her arms. she shoots a look, almost of disbelief. “why wouldn’t i? soojung is cute, soojung is nice. at least to me-- she’s a good friend, i could probably call her a sister, but i already have a little snot nosed brat to worry about.” she grins, teeth peeking out as she ruffles up the hair on her head. “soojung is the best.”

she takes a moment to take the question in, humming as her teeth worry at her lip. her head lolls to one side, shifting in her spot as she attempts to think. lucky, huh? “well,” she starts, smile curving at the corner of her lips. “i went on a date not too long ago. he was good company, more than good, actually. i’d definitely do it again-- but i’m not saying any names. i don’t kiss and tell, after all.”

“do i even have other dreams?” her smile is crooked, flashing teeth. she rolls her shoulders, one hand pressed against the left shoulder blade as she works out a kink in it. “what do most people say? start a family, get a long lasting career. but i’m not too sure. make a lot of money? be successful?” her tongue clicks against the roof of her mouth. “maybe i’ll try and be an astronaut again. like how i wanted to be when i was four. that’d be pretty sweet.”

it takes her a long moment of thought, a hum leaving her lips as she rolls her eyes around. “...uh, it’s hard to say? i mean there is lot of things i’m scared of. like being attacked by a grizzly bear, but i don’t think that’s what you mean.” sic rubs the back of her neck with an amused laugh. “i guess failure? or abandonment. or the idea of me not being able to do what i accomplished when i re-rooted myself here.” she glances down at her hands. “that’s a pretty scary thought. this being all for nothing.”

“the day i was accepted into sweet tea. i was so happy the time i was there, and i worked my ass off there. even if they kicked me for false accusations of god knows what, it was still the happiest time i ever had. to hell with that company, but they gave me an opportunity that opened other opportunities.” sic frowns at the memory, tugging at her sleeves in an idle habit. “i talk a lot of shit about my past trainee life, but i wouldn’t trade it for the world.”

“er.” sic frowns, cocking her head to the side. she glances down, flexing her fingers. her brows furrow before she looks up, lips pursing. “i don’t really wear them...but i like rings? they’re cute, but i guess i honestly forget to put them on. same thing with like bracelets and stuff. and necklaces and headbands. i barely have time to get ready in the morning, much less remember accessories, you know?”

glancing down, sic frowns, and runs her fingers through her hair, tugging at the strands roughly. “i wish i didn’t care. but i know there’s always apart of me that’s going to care and it’s fucking annoying. this is gonna sound insensitive but what i wouldn’t give to be kazuo kiriyama from battle royale and have my nerves shot so i don’t have to feel a thing.”