#sibi updates

I don’t know how to explain it, which hurts, and frustrates, because I have tried so hard, so, so, so hard—desperately, even—to understand, and be understood. To have something within me that is beyond my own understanding, and for so long, is it’s own unique flavour of despondence, a tailor-made torture. And yet.

And yet.

And yet there is this thing inside me that I cannot explain in words, or even comprehend in feelings, and still, even still, is not so vague that I cannot feel it with certainty, so I must know what it is on some level.

And yet, I don’t.

I know that it hurts in waves, and yet it sits constant like an ember in my belly. It aches like an open wound, a bruise not yet healed and yet centuries old. It feels like leftover heartbreak, heartache, heartburn, and yet is not, cannot, has no reason to be any of those.

It says “stop” where I would otherwise choose to “go.” It is hesitance in the face of action, and carries the burn of missed opportunities.

And yet, while it steers me from things I should enjoy, it takes me towards new and strange opportunities. It screams for change and movement and destiny and yet it rejects all I have cultivated thus far. It says goodbye to all I hold dear and screams at me to run, and yet not to hide. It is fire that smoulders when I look back and yet it burns sweetly when I press forward. It is impetus, the harsh shock from the spark of a cattle-prod.

Perhaps it is not so much a sadness in moving, but a visceral reluctance to say goodbye—the battle between the risks needed for progress and the comforts of caution. Because my heart wishes to stay here, but my mind is searching for all that is new and novel and curious—forever curious, forever and ever and ever—reaching out to light up new neurons and develop new pathways, to explore new possibilities and dismissed dreams, while my heart, who loves and loves and loves, my heart that loves too much too fast too hard too too too always too full always too soft always always always—to the point it hides my fear so deep I can forget it’s even there some days—my pitiable heart will not even consider letting go.

Perhaps it is the conflict of mind vs body, and my poor soul cannot bear to disappoint either.

The rules are as follows: Go to page 7 of your WIP, go to the seventh line, share seven sentences, and tag 7 more writer-bloggers to continue the challenge.

Tagged by: @raendown​

This is from a piece i’m writing for @dimancheetoile who wanted an angsty ShisuiSaku time-travel fix it AU with a happy ending.  It is the second of the prompts I got in that prompt madness, and the only reason why it isn’t done yet is because it’s probably going to be at least 30k.  I’ve got 12k done and I’m about a third of the way in to my rough draft, which means it’s going to get fluffed up still.  I needed to take a break from it, and am working on something else this week (has anyone heard about that kakasaku a/b/o @maybe-please and I are collabing on?  No?  Check out this comic) but I will get back to it soon!

Here are your seven lines!

Sakura is five years old. It is her first day at the ninja academy.  She had been so excited to start, to make new friends and learn cool things, like how to soar over rooftops or appear out of nowhere.

Sakura is five years old, holding her scraped knees and trying not to cry as the other girls make fun of her large forehead.

“It’s so big you could fit all of Konoha on it!”

“No, all of Fire Country!”

“No, all the Shinobi Nations!”

As you might have guessed from this clip, this story gets long because it goes waaay back.  You got a not too juicy bit, unfortunately.

You read that correctly, I finally updated this godforsaken story.  Since the chapter is almost 11k words, I’m not going to post it here.  However, have a teaser, and the links to the chapters on:

AO3

FFN

I also want to take the time to thank everyone who encouraged me while I was writing this; you guys helped out more than you know--more than I expected, really.  Who knew that having a bunch of amazing people tell you that you can do something would actually help you do it?  like every single move ever, of all time, also Naruto, believe it.  So thanks so much!  I’d tag you all but I’m sure I’d forget someone and then I’d feel like a dick, so I won’t even try.  I will, however, tag @itslulu42 @raendown @thetoxicstrawberry @pinesterr @padlocked-quintus because y’all seemed pretty excited about this update lol, and I figure you’d want to be pinged asap.  I hope it was worth the wait!

Teaser is under the cut! (it’s just the first few paragraphs; I didn’t want to spoil anything, so feel free to just head on over to the links. idk why you wouldn’t, honestly.  Why are you still here?  You should be reading that chapter I poured my blood into, not watching my shrivelled corpse talk about how dry it feels being exsanguinated).

So the…uh….not irony but I wanna call it irony… where was I going with this again? ok let me start over.

So, ummm, I’m not very prompt with prompts. This was prompted by some repeat prompts I’ve been getting. Now, they’re from some lovely anon(s), so idk if they’re being sent by one person who is getting impatient with how very not-prompt I am and is trying to prompt me into writing the prompts faster, or if people are just super into the same type of prompts and I’m getting multiple people prompting the same prompts.

can you tell that I’m loving this?

The take home message is this: these prompts will not be written promptly, and while I don’t mind receiving repeat prompts, that’s not going to prompt me into writing your prompt more promptly.

Translation: I am unfortunately very busy, and am prioritizing writing the next chapter of 2SB1SF as well as a soulmate!au one shot, and I have an essay on the Sharingan coming up (that keeps getting pushed aside, unfortunately) for someone else in the works. So they’re kinda on the bottom of my list. One of the prompts actually turned into a chapter of 2SB1SF when I started writing part of it while waiting for someone, so really, there are two chapters of 2SB1SF in the works in various stages of completion. I also have a four panel MadaKaka comic I have been drawing but is currently on break for my writing. So there’s a lot of MadaKaka to be done, not including my other writing that’s been put on hold for this stuff. In short, I am very busy.

If you’re interested, I can start giving weekly or bimonthly updates on what’s going on with my writing, so you all don’t feel like I’m ignoring these prompts. Because I’m not. I’m very glad to get them, and I encourage you all to send more! But I am sorry that I can’t promise you that I’ll get back to them quickly. It might be a month or more before you see anything come from them.

You’re like my fav anon lol! I’m glad to hear you’re excited! Thank you so much!