#shutupimclever

Fuck the typos.

My birthday is in a couple of hours but as usual I got a lot on my mind so I'll just begin the annual thoughts thing now.

And like any good 3rd entry in the pathetic journal of a lonely nerd, it begins with a look back.

When I turned seventeen I was absolutely sure of a couple of things. A) I knew exactly what I wanted to do, and if a time came where I didn't, I'd figure it out on the spot. B) The tight circle of friends I had were going to persist through at least my college years. I had kept the number of people close to me small for that exact reason. Less chance of us all drifting apart. And C) All the people telling me to worry about my future were ALLL IDIOTS! The hell did they know about my life, my way of thinking? I was damn smarter than what they gave me credit for and they shouldn't doubt my ability to "persevere" as I had been doing it all my life.

Yea right lmao

Needless to say, well, I had really short sighted beliefs. I kinda admire myself back then. I had a kind of confidence I would kill for these days. Regardless, I should have realized a few things. Views change and people change with them. Complications and drama arise in any group of friends and if those involved are not prepared or care enough to push past or fix it they will inevitably drift apart.

Of course what happened to my group of friends was a bit more explosive than that. What with the whole love polygon (honestly even now I can't completely understand it. Two people were dating, two other people had a crush on two of those people, one of the latter had a crush on the former AND on the one that was dating. Then the girl cheated on the guy with a strapping young italian on a cruise ship, the couple broke up and the dude ran away to Sunrise to his dead friends max's house and cried for a bit before being dragged back and being therapeuted to hell. I plan on making the whole ordeal into a summer blockbuster. Tell your friends) and the whole.. no wait that's it that was the catalyst. Let this serve as a warning to you readers, dating within the friend group either ends in marriage or annoying friends that are still your friends but like they don't wanna be around the other person and bro there's this other girl but idk am i moving too fast yadadada

About knowing exactly what I wanted to do. I guess on some level I still do. I never specified even then that I knew *how* I was going to do it, but I had a goal. And it hasn't changed that much. Get diploma, go to college, become YouTube famous, marry Aubrey Plaza and raise our kids Luke and Will Jr Jr on an island near Guatemala. The only thing thats changed is that I don't like the name Luke as much since I haven't rewatched the Original Trilogy in like, forever so I'm thinking about going with Danny for totally not GameGrumps related reasons.

I feel like now I'm more realistic about my goals. I still wanna do all that (Well, maybe marrying Aubrey Plaza isn't as realistic as getting diploma or getting into college, but you gotta have some pipe dreams otherwise whats the point?), but I know that it isn't gonna be some easy going magical journey. Fuck having 2017 or 2018 me worry about it, I'm worrying about it! Cuz, like, 2018 me is gonna have his own shit to deal with and I don't wanna pile things on for him. And if you're reading this, slightly more handsome and only a tiny bit wiser 2018 Will, well, I hope your Thoughts paper is going well. Also make sure you pay Renee back her 6 dollars. I'll feel terribly guilty otherwise.

And finally we get to the people that were wholeheartedly looking out for me. Unselfishly taking time out of their probably busy day to warn a young man that life isn't always going to be so easy going. That you gotta have a sharp mind and plan ahead, and use the advantages given to you to secure a good future cuz if you don't you're gonna struggle with unemployment for 2 years till one day a friend of your dads moves here from Venezuela and opens up a dollar store and gives you a job, and you think "Ah finally, I'll be able to save up for all the material things that just might make my days a bit brighter, and might provide some avenue in which to begin one of your lifelong goals to start YouTube, to entertain and be an inspiration for some people! Finally you can get started on your passion-oops wait the company didn't make enough money so you're fired 2 days in.

That was a dark week for me. The 100 dollars the dude gave me for working for 2 days helped a little. As did the pizza I bought with it.

Point is, if I could I'd really like to thank those people. My writing teacher and school guidance counselor and..wait no that's it. At least off the top of my head. If there's any others, well obviously you didn't try hard enough or I would have remembered you. Point is, I feel like I let them down. Thankfully they have no idea of my current predicament so I have just enough time to get my shit together and get my diploma and go to college and go back and visit them, have them be proud of me yadadada.

So what if I've been saying that since I left? Eventually it'll be true. I still have lots of time. Actually time is the one thing I have plenty of these days. Not having a job or school or many friends grants you that sort of benefit. The job thing might not serve as an excuse for much longer though, since it seems like I'm starting one sometime next week. I'm almost certain I'm gonna fuck that up somehow, but I'll go in with a good attitude.

I feel like I've matured a bit, though I think that's kind of a biased sentiment. I'm sure a year from now I'll be laughing at the thought of the current me being anything close to mature. I've certainly done that when I go back and read the previous years entries. Still though, I've been making a conscious effort to improve my habits. Really think about what I'm going to say before I say it so I don't hurt anybodys feelings without meaning to. And when I inevitably do, I tend to ask for forgiveness right away. I think i've also learned how to distance myself. Time was I couldn't wait to give everyone my opinion if they had one I didn't agree with. I don't know, I think I've just gotten tired of that. Now if someone is saying something I don't agree with I find it much easier to avoid looking or hearing in their general direction. Turning people to a certain way of thinking has never really been my strong suit. I'll leave that to the more educated on matters and who actually care that people think like them.

Even writing that was hard, I really don't care about any of that anymore. Moving on.

Reading what I wrote last year was tough. The reason being, well in a way all of my fears came true. I don't have my GED (although I'm 50% closer, which is great even if the last 50% is gonna be hell) and I don't really talk to my friends every day anymore. Well, one of them moved in, and the other I'm not as close as I used to be anymore. That's on me, not on him though. And my YouTube channel (which I know, not a huge deal to some, but that's like, my version of a kid wanting to be an astronaut) is dead/sleeping until I can get a better PC and dedicate some real time to deciding what the FUCK I wanna do with it. Seriously people, this is the kind of shit that keeps me up at night. Do I wanna do Lets Plays? Funny Moments? Pokemon Playthroughs? Fighting Games? Fallout/Skyrim/Similar games where I get super immersed into the character? Mod Reviews? Vlogs? Get guitar and singing lessons and start a music channel? Learn to draw and do that? I wanna do it all! But “DON'T DIVERSIFY" Say the pillars of the community! “It's bad for you in the long run! Have one channel! Put everything into that!” BUT WHAT IF THE PEOPLE WHO WATCH POKEMON DON'T LIKE FALLOUT AND THE PEOPLE WHO LIKE FALLOUT DON'T LIKE MY ACOUSTIC INTERPRETATION OF SOMEBODY TO LOVE BY QUEEN? WHAT DO I DO THEN SENPAI?!!?

Sorry. I've been holding that in for a while.

...

Well I guess that's it tbh. This was much more just a reflection of my thoughts in the last 2 years than what I was feeling today. I'm not really feeling any sort of way today. But I'll say a few things. I want to be further along by 2017. I want to have more friends. Go out more. I want to be able to say "I had a good week" instead of the constant meh I've been feeling for the longest time (FOR THE LONGEST TIIIMEE OHHHHH). I wanna be satisfied man. I wanna learn new stuff, whether its new songs on the guitar or a new skill idgaf I just want to feel like I'm growing as a person.

The birthday wishes are rolling in, thanks random girl on skype who's name I can't recall because she has it set to a DELICIOUS JELLY DONUT, no wait that's a japanese rice ball thing.

Have a good year guys. And to future me who's undoubtedly reading this and maybe feeling a bit disappointed