#shs1

***

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, Alec." 

Alec turns abruptly, as if he'd been unaware of Magnus's presence despite standing in front of him. Perhaps he hadn't noticed, Magnus thinks. He'd seen the way the young Shadowhunter's gaze had been locked on his parabatai. The blonde one is talking to Clary, helping her make sense of the memories the demon had just returned to her, Magnus presumes. Though he'd have to be blind not to notice the way Jace Wayland looks at her. Or the way Alec watches him look. 

"I don't know what you're talking about." 

Magnus nods. "You will." 

The Shadowhunter doesn't answer, but Magnus sees the tense line of his shoulders. 

"I don't think any of them noticed," he says, and he isn't sure why, really, except that he's been here before. He’d long since stopped trying to hide who he is, but he imagines doing that is much harder for a Shadowhunter who didn't look much older than 20. "He's your parabatai. They probably expected it." 

Alec's eyes snap to his. He looks unsettled, like a spooked horse. Magnus braces himself involuntarily for the horse to rear. "If you--" 

Magnus raises his hands placatingly, already suspecting how that sentence would end. "I won't tell a soul. This isn't mine to share, only yours." 

Alec deflates, and his shoulders drop. "Thank you," he says, and it sounds torn between reluctance and relief. 

"I won't push," Magnus says, "but if you ever need to talk to...someone about this, I'm willing to listen." He doesn't know what's come over him, exactly, but that feeling from the rave is nagging at him. It's a feeling that says I need to know you, and it's one Magnus hasn't felt in near a century. 

Alec swallows, seeming to consider the offer. "Why?" he asks finally. 

Magnus smiles. "Been there before. A long time ago and probably in much different circumstances. For one, I didn't have to worry about what the Clave would think. They already hated me." He winks, and Alec's mouth curves up in an amused smile. 

"Alec," Jace calls. "We might have a lead." 

"Coming," Alec says. He nods to Magnus. "Thanks. Uh, duty calls." 

"Of course," Magnus says, smiling. "Thank you again for the assist earlier, by the way." 

Alec's cheeks turn pink and something twists in Magnus's stomach. "Just doing my job." 

"Don't be so modest," Magnus says softly. "There are plenty of Shadowhunters who would have just walked away from a warlock in danger." 

"Guess I'm not most Shadowhunters," Alec says, grinning. "And you looked like you could've handled it without my help." 

"And yet you helped anyway," Magnus says. "I won't forget that." He nods towards the loft's front door, through which the other Shadowhunters have already disappeared. "Don't leave them waiting, pretty boy." 

Alec blushes again, and Magnus decides red suits him beautifully. He flashes an awkward smile before running to catch up with his friends, leaving Magnus alone in the loft. 

It's much quieter now than it had been before the Circle found him. The warlocks he'd invited into his home for their own safety had filled it with a delightful din. The sort of comforting sounds he imagines come with community. With family. 

And when Valentine's henchmen had found them, all of that erupted into chaos. Magnus is grateful so many of the warlocks escaped unscathed, especially Zoe. Magnus had always known Valentine Morgenstern to be a ruthless, unforgiving sort of man, the kind of man who would do whatever it took to make the world in his image. But even Magnus hadn't thought he would stoop so low as to attack a child, a little girl, regardless of the blood in her veins. 

Magnus feels his own blood boil. Clary had told him earlier that he couldn't hide anymore. She's right, and he knows it. He smiles to himself. Funny how a girl who had only known of the Shadow World for a few days could see what he hadn't. 

But it isn't just Clarissa Fairchild or the danger to the warlock community that makes him see what he's refused to. 

It's Alec Lightwood. 

His question to Dot echoes again in his mind:  Are you really willing to risk your life for a Shadowhunter?