#shonwu

“Wine?”  Seulki asked, holding up a bottle that Jane probably figured cost as much as the apartment.  She sat down, nodding her head.  “I’m gonna be honest, I was a little surprised you wanted to hang out with me. One on one.  Is. . .everything okay?”  She asked, hesitant.  Jane let out a small smile and nodded.

 The first and only time her and Seulki had hung out without the other girls was when the group was dealing with Wonho leaving.  And it hadn’t exactly been hanging out when Jane drank the whole tequila bottle to herself and was plastered.  “I promise I’m not going to get drunk this time.”  She took a sip of the wine and scrunched her nose.  “Well, maybe.  This is strong.”

 Seulki let out a laugh and waved her hand.  “It’s fine, I just wanted to know if I needed Jimin on speed dial.”  She winked and Jane shook her head.  “No!  I just wanted—I don’t even know.”  Seulki sipped her drink and waited for her to continue.  “Not that we’re not friends, but I know we aren’t exactly the best of friends.” Seulki nodded, agreeing with her.

 “I just figured if Jimin and I are getting more serious, that we should hang out more?  Since I’ll kind of just be right down the hall.” Seulki smiled, clapping her hands and crossing her legs.  “Yes! I would love to help decorate! Well—if you’d want me too.  It’s just kind of something I like to do.”  Jane laughed, nodding at her.  “I wouldn’t mind, just nothing too fancy.  This is nice,” she gestured around her apartment, “but a little too much for me.”

 Seulki hummed.  “It’s not for everyone, but don’t worry!  We’ll go shopping together and you can tell me yes or no.”  Jane liked that idea.  She never really had a girl friend to be able to do stuff like this with.  As much as she portrayed a cool persona, she really liked the idea of just goofing off like a normal kid with her friends for a few hours.  “I’d like that a lot, actually.  We can set a date before I leave.”  Seulki happily bounced up and down, pulling her phone out to pick dates.

 “Now that that’s settled, what else is up?  I know you didn’t just come to talk house.”  Seulki winked and Jane blushed.  “You’re right.  I was talking to Hyungwon the other day.”  She saw Seulki tense a little and frown.  “Did he tell you?”  She asked quietly and Jane slowly nodded.  “Yeah.  He might not show it to you, but it’s really hurting him.  And as much as I just want to blame you for all of it, I can’t because I don’t know your side or your feelings.”

 Seulki sighed, chugging down her wine and pouring another glass before chugging that one too.  “Maybe you should—” Jane reached for her glass but Seulki gently smacked her hand away.  “Just my way of relaxing.”  Jane raise an eyebrow.  “Chugging wine like it’s from a keg?”  Seulki giggled, hiccupping a few times.  “I guess so. Whatever, it helps at the moment.”

 “I just want to know how you’re feeling.  Because I know how he feels and I’m with him literally all the time.  But I’m not with you and like I said, we’re not exactly best friends and I want to make sure you’re okay too.”  Seulki nodded a little, cheeks flushed from the quick intake of alcohol before she sighed again.

 “After that, some more things happened and I’ve realized I was acting like child in that moment.  So, I’m doing better.  I’m just mustering up the courage to apologize because I know I hurt him.”  Jane didn’t say much, just waiting in the painful silence for her to continue.  “Can I ask why you were so insistent on him moving in?” She didn’t know if she was crossing a line but thought she was fine when she saw Seulki trying to think of the right words.

 “I—I never had many friends growing up,” she started slowly, licking her bottom lip.  “The one that I did have, she hurt me a lot.  Immensely.  My parents—they’re wonderful and I love them—but they work a lot.  I was left with nannies or on my own as I got older.  So, I never really learned how to build true relationships or properly express my emotions.”

 Jane hummed, feeling like she needed to compliment that she was doing a pretty damn good job right now. But Seulki continued talking before she could say anything.  “I’ve always been different.  I’m only half Korean, my eyes are a bright hazel which makes me stand out and I’m much paler than most.  I was bullied a lot and never really fit in.  So, when I joined BigHit and met BTS, I finally found people I could call friends and now brothers.  And then I found Hyungwon and I guess I just got in over my head.”

 “If I’m being honest, I’m terrified that I’m too pushy and stuck up and bratty for people to stick around sometimes.”  Jane raised a brow.  She wouldn’t say that she was that bratty—bitchy, sometimes.  A little cold upon first meetings, definitely.  But deep down, she was really nice and would do anything for the people she cared about.  It was one thing that drew Jane to her.

 “I don’t want to sound like I’m self-loathing or whatever, but I’m trying to get better at expressing how I feel without throwing a tantrum.  It wasn’t so much that he didn’t—doesn’t—want to move in, it was more that I felt like I was being abandoned.  Which is silly the more I was able to think about it.”  Jane hummed and Seulki sighed.  “I feel like that with everyone I care about, which is probably why I come off as pushy or stand-offish when I meet new people.  I’m just—scared of being left alone I guess.”

 Jane didn’t say much, taking in the information and truly understanding where she was coming from. “That’s why I moved down the hall from Jungkook and Jimin.  Everyone was finding new places and sort of moving on and I felt like I was just going to be left behind or forgotten about.  It’s silly—I know they wouldn’t do that.  But I guess that’s just one fear I haven’t been able to overcome yet.”

 “Thank you.  For being honest with me.”  Jane said after a few moments and Seulki chugged down another glass of wine.  “I have no reason to lie.”  Jane felt for the girl sitting in front of her; she may be older but she was harboring a lot of hurt, mostly towards herself.  “I’m always here, if you need to not feel lonely.  Plus, now I’ll be right down the hall so you can just come drag me out.”  She teased lightly and Seulki giggled.

 “It’ll be nice, having another girl around.  I love Harin and Nari and Byeol, but it’s really hard to match up our schedules for all of us to hang out.  It’ll be nice to have someone just down the hall.”  Jane smiled, chugging down her wine and pouring another glass.  “It will be.  Plus, maybe you can teach me some makeup stuff.  Minhyuk is always going on and on about how dark and dreary I look.”

 Seulki giggled, raising her glass.  “Makeup parties are my specialty.  With champagne and fruit.” Jane chuckled, leaning back on the sofa.  “Tequila is more my thing, but I’ll take the fancy drinks too.” Seulki let out a laugh and the two talked for a few more hours before Jane made her way back home.  Before she left, she turned to face a tipsy Seulki.

 “You should tell him, what you told me.”  She said and Seulki sighed, shoulders dropping a little.  “He really cares for you, S.  I promise.  I haven’t seen him care this much about someone in a really long time.  He deserves to know why you blew up.  He’ll understand.”  Seulki nodded, telling her she would let her know if it went awry and sent her on her way.

 Jane welcomed the cool air on her face as she made her way back.  She definitely felt that their friendship had grown immensely and she was feeling giddy about having someone of the same gender that she could start considering close.  She turned her nose up towards the sky, closing her eyes and letting a smile grace her face.