#shiversofhappiness

“No, Cal’s right,” he says. “We - we need to find a drummer. Like, now.”

Luke frowns, falling to the side to rest his back against the wall, his legs still half-tangled with Calum’s. Calum decides to look smug, sticking his gloating face into Luke’s before shifting so they’re seated next to each other, legs separated, shoulders and thighs touching instead.

“Fine,” he mutters. “Mood killers.” Calum headbutts Luke’s shoulder until he smiles, and Michael rolls his eyes at the pair of them.

“Do you know anyone?” Calum asks Michael, head still bent at an odd angle so that the top of his head is wedged against the edge of of Luke’s shoulder. Michael tilts his head so their eyes align, giggling a little.

“No. Maybe we can put up an ad online?”

“Who’s going to respond to us?”

Michael shrugs. “I don’t know. What else can we do?”

They’re quiet for a moment, thinking, when Luke goes, “I maybe know someone.”

They lift their heads in surprise. Not to be mean, but Michael didn’t know Luke had friends other than himself and Calum. He’s kind of miffed Luke didn’t want to share.

“Who?” Calum says.

Luke’s face burns, which only intrigues them more, Michael scooting closer to the bed and leaning forward on his knees.

“Who, Lucas?” Michael prompts.

Luke tips his head back and rubs at his eye, adjusts his fringe. “I - Okay. You remember, like, shortly after we all started hanging out, and I used to wear those green glasses-” Calum snickers, and Luke elbows him in the ribs. “Shut up they were cool. Okay, well, I kind of - other people didn’t see how cool they were and some people were making fun of me.”

Michael and Calum both glance at each other, frowning and making grumbling noises. Calum shifts a little closer to Luke, adjusting his position so his head leans on his shoulder instead of against it. Luke rolls his eyes but slouches a touch for Calum to get more comfortable and smooths his fringe again before continuing.

“So this other guy steps in and kind of chases the lot off and tells me he likes my glasses - because they’re cool.”

“Luke, fuck, hurry up, man.”

“I’m getting there, God. Be patient. So we get to talking and he’s pretty, you know, he’s nice.”

“Does he play drums?” Calum interrupts.

Luke huffs. “I was getting to it.”

“Well, does he?”

“Yeah.”

“Great.” Calum sits up. “Then he’ll be our drummer.”

Michael frowns. “What if we don’t mesh well?”

“It’s one show,” Calum says. “It’s not like he’s joining the band forever.”

So Michael adds this Ashton Irwin on facebook and sends him a message, asking him if he’d be interested in playing a show - their first show - next week. The three of them wait anxiously, staring at Michael’s computer like that’s going to make a response come faster. When the three dots pop up on the screen they collectively inhale and hold it, not daring to move as if they might scare the dots away.

—

“He uses so many exclamation marks, Cal,” Michael gripes after Luke’s gone home, “and little ‘x’s’. Kisses aren’t punk rock.”

“Neither are we,” Calum notes as he uses his feet to spin Michael’s chair.

Michael pushes his feet away. “We’re totally punk rock.”

“We’re lucky he wants to play with us at all.” Calum ignores him and kicks his feet back up on his chair.

“But the kisses.”

He tosses a pillow at Michael’s face. “Shut up. We send kisses to each other all the time.”

—

There’s, like, twelve people at their first show, but Michael doesn’t care. He thinks they sound fucking awesome and he doesn’t want to do anything else with his time. It’s more than the rush of playing in front of a crowd (okay, a small gathering, but one day - crowds); he finally feels like he has some purpose, some direction, in his life. On stage, he’d felt like he kind of belonged somewhere for once - even though he’d been frozen in the same position their whole set. None of that is important though - stage presence can be honed, he reasons. He wants this, wants this so badly he’s sure he’d do almost anything to be in a band.

But not any band; it has to be this one. He’d been wary of Ashton, their fill-in drummer, but he can play, for real. And he likes a lot of the same music they do. He seems like a good fit, and at their next band meeting, he proposes they ask Ashton to join, officially.

“He’s only played one show with us,” Calum says, slightly alarmed.

“But he showed up for practice every time we asked,” Luke says. “He rode his pushbike for us.”

“This isn’t about your love-boner, this is about the band,” Calum says, and Luke flushes before walloping him in the thigh. “We can’t just make huge choices like this without thinking about it.”

“He was so good with us, though!” Michael protests. “He said he liked our videos.”

“And our videos suck,” Luke adds. Michael nods, even though he doesn’t think they’re that bad.

Calum watches them carefully before sighing. “Alright.”

—

Michael messages Ashton on facebook that night, asking him if he can come over for last minute band practice. He gets an enthusiastic 'yes!!!!!’ back with a 'see you soon - ash xx’ tacked on at the end that’s very boyfriend-y and dumb but Michael kind of likes that Ashton is already willing to insert himself into their tight friendship.

They set up the garage with streamers and popcorn, tidying as much as they can before getting into position to wait for Ashton. He comes in the side, and Michael gets down on one knee, Calum and Luke following suit.

“Hi,” he greets, taking in their feeble decorations.

“Ashton Irwin,” Michael starts. “We have something very serious to ask you.” Calum and Luke nod.

“Okay.”

He takes a deep breath, his heart in his throat. He could easily say no, and it would easily crush him. He feels pathetic as he croaks out, “Will you become an official member of 5 Seconds of Summer?”

Ashton just stares at them for a moment while Michael holds his breath. He can’t imagine the band without Ashton; mildly, he thinks he doesn’t even want to be a band without Ashton. He doesn’t think they’ll find a drummer more fit for their band.

“Wait, actually?”

Luke laughs a relieved sound, as Calum goes, “Dude, yes.”

Ashton flounders for a minute before laughing, eyes squinting shut. “You guys are proposing to me.”

“This is serious business!” Michael defends, wobbling on his knee slightly.

Ashton laughs again and then he’s nodding, tugging Michael up, then Calum, then Luke and pulling them into a hug. “Yeah. Yes, obviously I’ll be in your band.”

“Our band,” Calum corrects, and it makes Michael’s stomach flutter.

—

Ashton turns out to be kind of work horse. He makes them re-shoot the covers they post on Youtube until they’re perfect, where as before they’d just fuck up and call it a day, upload the video anyway and claim it as part of their charm.

“It’s not that much more effort to record it again,” Ashton says as he fiddles with the camera. “Just one more time.”

So they do it again, even though the light is fading and Michael’s fingers are cramping. He thinks they’d complain more if Ashton didn’t have a point; their videos are received a lot better now that they’re not forgetting lyrics or messing up simple chord progressions.

“People will take us more seriously,” Ashton reasons. “I mean, we’re good so people should take us seriously anyway but this just helps.”

—

Ashton pulls up outside his house one day with the windows down and Green Day blaring. They skip school a lot, which is, you know, not great, but Michael’s been checked out of school for awhile anyway, and now he has someone to spend his time with. Calum and Luke are still relatively committed - Calum because of football and Luke because he cares - and he’d gotten tired of hanging around his house, practicing covers and trying to write some originals by himself. Plus, Ashton can drive so they can go wherever whenever, and it’s fun.

They talk about music and the band mostly because it’s safe territory, concrete topics free of anything overly personal. He finds out that Ashton’s music taste is way more diverse than his, iPod full of older stuff, like AC/DC and Motley Crue, as well as all the punk bands Michael idolizes. But he also plays Michael fun bluesy songs and the occasional jazz number, stuff Michael for the most part ignores but always sounds good blasting out of Ashton’s crackling speakers with the windows down to catch the barest of a breeze.

They have similar dreams for the band, which settles the anxiety that flickers in his chest whenever they all try to have serious talks about their possible careers. He knows Calum’s an amazing football player and that he could easily do something with that. Plus he likes it, and that scares Michael more than he’d like to admit because what if he’s not enough? What if the band and music isn’t enough to make him stay? He’s not going to hold him back if that’s what he wants to do but, God. He’d be lying if he said he wouldn’t be a little bit broken if Calum turned music (and by extension, Michael) down.

And Luke is smart and determined, more determined than he gives himself credit for. He’s the one who started the youtube channel, learned to play guitar way better than any of them in less time. He could do whatever he wanted if he set his mind to it, Michael thinks, and he’s not sure if his mind is set on the band yet.

But Michael doesn’t care about football or school. Music is the only thing that’s ever interested him, and he feels kind of stupid for putting all his eggs in this basket, but it’s the only basket that matters to him. He genuinely doesn’t know what he’ll do if this doesn’t go anywhere. He doesn’t have any future plans outside of the band.

So it’s comforting to find Ashton as dedicated as he is, as whole-heartedly invested. Because the thing is, Ashton is smart. He’s intellectual, likes to talk about the world and what’s going on. He’s introspective and comfortable with himself in a way Michael doesn’t quite understand yet. He gets the sense that Ashton just knows who he is and what he wants and he wants to be a part of 5 Seconds of Summer.

Ashton just - he believes in them, and that’s more than Michael could ask for. Because he believes in them, too, and it’s nice to have someone in his corner, pushing everyone to be better, to be the best they’re capable of being.

—

They pull into the school parking lot, Ashton cutting the engine hurriedly.

“What’s going on?” Michael asks as he sits up, the backs of his legs sticking to the seat upholstery.

“Picking up Luke,” Ashton says simply, fingers tapping against the steering wheel.

“Luke doesn’t cut school,” Michael says just as, in the reflection of the side-view mirror, he catches Luke sneaking out a side door, backpack hugged tight to his chest while he scurries towards them. He flings open the back door of the car and tosses himself into the backseat, hissing a hurried “Go, go, go!”

The engine revs to life, Luke wincing at the noise and ducking down in his seat while they roll out of the parking lot, headed away from Michael’s house.

“Where are we going?” Michael asks.

“Calum’s” Luke supplies as he situates himself, fiddling with the seatbelt before leaving it, instead leaning forward between the two front seats to talk. “He’s working on a song, and I want to hear it.”

Michael’s heart jumps. “You’re ditching school for band stuff?”

Luke shrugs. “I mean, it’s boring without you guys there.” He punches Michael’s shoulder clumsily. “Tell me next time you guys are cutting so I can fake sick or something. First period was awful.”