#shitty robot

TASK: ATTAIN HUMAN WOMAN. 

METHOD:

SCAN PROFILE CONTENTS FOR PERSONAL DETAILS. Ignore unique information such as answers to profile questions. Limit search to age and percentage data.

INSERT PHRASE REFERENCING HUMAN ORGANS. This will trick Human Woman into thinking you are Human Man. {See: “Gut Feeling.”}

FLATTER HUMAN WOMAN. Avoid specific compliments. Use vague statements such as “I found you attractive.”

INSERT AT LEAST ONE EMOTICON TO CONVEY CASUAL BAD-BOY ATTITUDE. Studies have shown Human Women are attracted to “casual bad-boy attitude.” {See: :-) }

MENTION USE OF EMOTICON DIRECTLY IN CASE HUMAN WOMAN FAILS TO READ SENTENCE FEATURING SAID EMOTICON. {See: “I like to use smiley faces.”}

ASK AS MANY QUESTIONS AS POSSIBLE. ASK AT LEAST SEVEN QUESTIONS, IDEALLY 45.

INFORM HUMAN WOMAN WHEN MESSAGE HAS REACHED CONCLUSION. {See: “I will stop now.”}