Sep 29, 2017
Doo-doo favors are what real friends are for.
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Doo-doo favors are what real friends are for.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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a video about throwing out the old me, before someone else does
Theres wet Dreams and then theres spider dreams
shitting yourself
Dave: (to Justin) Shitting yourself is never fun. Dave: Dave: but if I did shit myself, I'd come to you to clean me. Dave: You're a good cleaner!
Okay so! If you have diarrhea, and feel a fart coming on, don't force it. You will shit your pants a little like I just did, in the middle of Waffle House.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
it's sort of comforting to know that no matter where you are, whether things are looking up or have taken a turn for the worse, however your life may be going, you're never immune to ending up in a situation where you're in danger of shitting your pants. no matter how educated, or rich, influential--no matter how fancy your pants are, they aren't impervious to catastrophic bowel movements in the wake of food poisoning, or poor dinner/drinking decision-making, or when the stomach flu pops in to say hi.
no matter how much i change over the years, every time i'm trying to outdrive my impatient and distressed bowels while being mired in SoCal afternoon traffic, for example, it feels exactly the same. i think to myself "not this shit again. heh. shit. SHIT, this sucks." I bargain with God to show mercy. I eventually accept the possibility of shitting myself, and make frantic back-to-back drafts of contingency plans. i try not to give myself an aneurysm when, having made it to my own neighborhood, i end up behind a car that is going 15 mph for some reason. i tell myself that speeding in a residential area is never worth, because worst case scenario i hit a child, and THEN shit myself. and then i make it to the bathroom in time and after all is said and done and flushed, i idly wonder how long until the next time the universe and i set myself up for another experience in the same vein. or colon.
One time, while I was high...
I almost always worry about shitting my pants while I'm high. It always feels like I did. I never have, but...
When "Return of the King" was in theaters (holy fuck, 10 years ago?) a group of friends and I decided to get ripped before going. We smoked on the walk to the theater, just way too much. I was a poor college student at the time. I smoked so much I barely understood where we were even going at this point.
Suddenly, I'm in a theater seat and the previews are yelling at me. The movie had barely started and I needed to fart. I needed to fart bad. It was loud as hell so I figured I'd be fine.
"Diiiiiid I just shit?" I thought to myself.
So, I'm positive I shit myself and during every dark part in the movie I had my hand between my legs and prodding my blue jeans trying to figure out if I can feel shit trapped in there,
I definitely felt it. I felt something squishy. I was absolutely fucked right then. I didn't understand how I'd get to the bathroom, I didn't understand how I'd get underwear and pants, no, fuck underwear, I didn't even understand how to get pants. I didn't know how I'd live that down.
I decided the only way out was killing myself in the bathroom, but that still involved getting to the bathroom. Eventually I said fuck it, because I know the sooner I got there the better for this kind of thing. Maybe I could have washed my jeans in a toilet and it would be dry by the time people came out of the movie. I got up and bolted for the bathroom.
I was above the toilet, I tore down my pants, and I braced myself for a mud party... There's nothing.
NO SHIT!
...Did I miss some? Am I just looking wrong?
No... NO SHIT!
But what the fuck was I feeling in my pants that felt like poop? I put my jeans back on, sit on the toilet, and start prodding.
It was my balls.
Watching Titanic
My sister: imagine all the poo in the water, cos you'd be shitting yourself.