#shit dump

I'm slipping again. I feel like soon enough I will be back to where I was. My anxiety is in my chest again and want to not leave my bed is increasing. I'm not that excited about my friendmas anymore because I have to take charge make decisions and hope everyone's ok with them. I'm avoiding social interaction again. My obsession with one direction is dying again. They are amazing people and their music is perfection but it's just not any fun anymore. I wish I knew why. When I go a long time without social interaction it makes me retract even more. It's a vicious cycle that I want to be rid of. And if I start to feel better in somehow reminded of what my mom is going through. The things she going to miss out on that she wants to do. She didn't go to Christmas at grandmas and idk if she wanted to or not but it was Christmas. I've also started noticing that she getting more and more snappy, which is understandable but i don't want that process to start.