kind of wish i didnt see myself as such an inherently despicable person. logically i know im doing my best. i know im trying. i know i think of other people. i know im kind. i know i do what i can to be selfless. i respect people
but i truly believe there is nothing that can make up for the disgusting nature inside me. im someone who has always craved pain. the pain of others and the pain of myself. im someone who has always craved carnage. im someone who has always craved power. i always want more. i always want whatever will make me feel stronger. more in control. above
i feel like ive domesticated this hungry, violent, power hungry animal inside me. i can tell it to stop.i can teach it coping mechanisms. i can teach it not to bite. i can teach it not to step on people to reach higher
but nothing fills that hole inside me. nothing truly feeds this desire thats been empty since i was last a terrible person
and i konw that more than anything, what defines your character is hope you behave
but im forced to see myself inside and out. and i know that the way i behave masks an open wound that will never close
