#shieldshock fic

“That’s what I want for Christmas, Mommy.”

The noise of Tony Stark’s Christmas party faded into the background as Darcy’s heart sank. The only thing her song wanted for Christmas was the one thing she could never give him. Even Santa, with all his miracle gift-giving skills, wouldn’t be able to pull this one off.

Jake, her darling boy, had just declared that he wanted Santa to make him Captain America for a day. He didn’t want a costume or to play dress-up (he was very clear on that), but actually to be Captain America. Wear the suit, carry the shield, carryout a mission.

Darcy watched her son make his way up to Santa, aka Clint in a suit and beard, and wasn’t sure how he was going to respond to Jake’s request. She could only hope that his own kids had gotten him used to strange Christmas requests. Clint patted his knee and Jake climbed up. She couldn’t make out what the two were saying, but she knew the precise moment when Jake asked to become Captain America because Clint’s eyebrows shot up and disappeared underneath his Santa hat.

“So what did he ask for to get that reaction out of Santa?” Darcy jumped at the sound of Steve’s voice. She was so caught up in her own thoughts she hadn’t noticed him beside her.

“Jake has decided to ask Santa to make him Captain America for a day.” It was Steve’s turn to raise his eyebrows.

“He wants what? He means to dress up like me, right?”

“Nope,” Darcy sighed. “He doesn’t want to cosplay, he wants to be Captain America.”

Steve’s eyes widened and he exhaled sharply. “I don’t want to see Jake disappointed, but I don’t know if we can pull that one off.” He bit his lip, deep in thought. Darcy had to look back at her son. She and Steve were friends, but there were times she felt very un-friend-like thoughts about him.

“Pull what off?”

Darcy spun around. “God, Tony!” she gasped. “We need to put a bell on you.”

Tony looked offended. “I don’t move that quietly. And you two are ignoring the party.” He gestured to the events around them. “What’s got you two whispering and plotting over here?”

“We’re neither whispering nor plotting, Tony,” Darcy said, rolling her eyes. “We’re just discussing the impossible gift that Jake asked Santa for and Mommy won’t – “

“Hey buddy!” Steve cut her off before Darcy could do the unforgiveable and ruin Santa for her five-year-old son. “How was your visit with Santa?”

Jake looked disappointed. “Santa said he would try his best, but he might not be able to get it for me. And he said that I would probably have better luck using mistletoe to get a baby brother.” He looked up at his mother. “What did he mean by that? I thought mommies and daddies made babies, not mistletoe?”

Tony snorted, Steve turned to glare at “Santa,” and Darcy closed her eyes and wished for the floor to swallow her up. Clint was well aware of her un-friend-like feelings towards Steve and Darcy could feel the blush flood her face as she worried what else he might have said to her son.

“Listen, kid,” Tony crouched down in front of Jake. “What do you want for Christmas? We’ll do our best to help Santa with it.”

Jake looked Tony straight in the eye and said, “I want to be Captain America for a day and work with the rest of the Avengers.” Tony’s eyes shot to Steve, who just blushed at the boy’s sincerity.

“Uh, okay. Well, let me talk to Santa and see what we can do. How does that sound?” Jake nodded. “Why do you want to be Captain America anyway? It’s just Steve and he’s not as awesome as me.” Tony smirked.

Jake sighed, “Captain America is all about fighting bullies and maybe if I can be him, I can stand up to the mean kids at school.”

“Oh baby,” Darcy’s heart constricted, worried that her son was being bullied. “Are other kids being mean to you?”

He shook his head. “No mom, it’s not me. But these jerks are being mean to Samir and he’s my friend. I don’t like it.”

Darcy could see Steve’s jaw clench and before he opened his mouth, she knew what he was going to say.

“Buddy, we’re going to do whatever we can to help Santa with this, okay?” Darcy just stared at him, unable to believe he was actually agreeing to this. “Everyone needs a day off sometimes, even me. You can be my backup for that day, okay?”

Jake threw himself at Steve, hugging him fiercely before running off to talk to Santa again. “Thanks, Steve!”

There was a moment of dead silence before Darcy spun towards Steve. “Dude, what the hell?”

“Yeah, I know. I just couldn’t not do this. Not when he wants to learn how to fight bullies.”

“Okay, but Steve, what the hell?”

“I know, Tony!”

Having spoken to Santa to give him the good news, Jake wandered off to get some food. Santa, however, wandered over to talk to the bleeding heart of the Avengers.

“What the hell, Steve?” asked Clint.

-----

The next morning after Jake left for school, Tony called everyone to the boardroom. “Gather round, children. Thanks to Captain Friendly here, we have one hell of a project to pull off.” Each of the Avengers, and Darcy, turned to Steve with a mixture of curiosity, frustration, and resignation in their eyes.

“Tony…” Steve started, but Darcy quickly cut him off.

“No Steve, you don’t get to speak. Not at the moment and not unless you’ve got a really good plan here.” At Steve’s chagrined look, she shook her head. “You’ve pretty much promised my son that he gets to be Captain America for a day. How are you planning on making this work? He wants his own uniform, your shield, and bad guys to fight. How?”

Bruce furrowed his brow. “Could he even lift your shield, Steve? I know he’s a strong kid, but it’s heavy and nearly as tall as he is.”

“Well, we could make him a Jake-sized shield. Something smaller and more lightweight maybe,” Tony mused. He pulled out his tablet and began making notes.

“But how do we convince him to use a replica shield and not the real thing?” Natasha didn’t always believe in the intelligence of others, but she knew Jake was a smart kid and would not be swayed from his wish. “He wants Steve’s shield.”

Clint sat back in his chair, tapping a pen on his knee. “We’ve got to let him try the shield. Hand it to him and pretend like we’re sure he’s going to be able to wield it no problem. When he struggles, we’ll offer him his own special shield. Something that’s more suited to him in size and weight.”

Natasha shook her head. “It can’t be that easy to change a kid’s mind. I’ve met your children before, Clint. Jake is as stubborn as any of yours.”

“I’m not saying we make it out of plastic or anything. There’s no way that’ll get past Jake. But maybe something like aluminum. Metal like Steve’s, but not as heavy and not as big.”

“Titanium would be better. Not as lightweight as aluminum, but stronger and more durable.” Tony didn’t even look up from his tablet as he spoke.

Darcy’s eyes widened. “No,” she said emphatically. “We are not giving my son a weapon.”

“No, ‘tis not a weapon,” declared Thor. “It’s part of his armor, his Captain America persona. He uses it for defense and not attack.”

“Okay, so that takes care of the shield,” said Bruce. “What else do we have to worry about? Uniform? Harmless villain? Controlled scenario where Jake can be the hero?”

Natasha looked over at Clint, “You used to make your costumes in the circus, right?” Clint closed his eyes and sighed.

“I regret ever telling you that. But yes, I can still sew.”

“Okay, so that takes care of the uniform.”

“I refuse to go shopping for materials though! I am not going anywhere near the stores this close to Christmas.”

Tony put his tablet down and looked around the table. “Okay, here’s how it’s going to go. Bruce and I will work on the shield. Clint, you’ve got the uniform, but Steve has to do the shopping for you. Natasha and Thor, you’re on mission planning. You’ve got to come up with some form of event that would require the Avengers. We can’t risk Jake getting hurt, but we do need a semi-realistic villain.”

“And where are we going to find one of those?” Natasha scoffed.

“Oh, since Steve has the day off from being Captain America, and he got us into this, I think he’ll make an excellent villain.” Tony’s grinned sardonically.

Steve dropped his head in his hands and sighed. This was his fault and he knew it.

-----

“Remind me how I got roped into coming out with you, Steve?” Darcy dodged another oblivious shopper as she and Steve walked through midtown.

She really wasn’t as angry or frustrated as she wanted him to believe. She wasn’t entirely happy with the situation, but she certainly didn’t mind spending the afternoon with Steve while he hunted down the items on Clint’s must-have-but-impossible-to-find shopping list. So far, they had three things checked off the list. Unfortunately, the list has ten items, so there was still shopping to be done. But the decorations were bright and there was just enough snow on the ground to make it all feel very Christmassy. That being said, at some point in the near future, she was going to demand a hot chocolate.

“You’re here because you’re a kind and wonderful person.” Steve smiled at her and Darcy was pretty sure her insides turned to goo. She’d follow him anywhere if he kept that up. “Plus, you’re a much better at navigating this city than I am. I don’t know Manhattan nearly as well as I know Brooklyn.”

“Smooth, Steve,” she rolled her eyes. “Flattery will get you everywhere though. Next stop is just two blocks up and one block over.” She looked down at her list and missed the look in Steve’s eyes.

Unfortunately, even the most dedicated have their limits when it comes to shopping at Christmas. Four more stores, miles of walking, and one too many versions of The Twelve Days of Christmas later, Darcy’s nerves were stretched to the breaking point.

Needless to say, the subway may not have been the best choice of transportation to get home.

They were only two stops from the tower when Darcy snapped. She was fine with the crowded cars and people with too many shopping bags. She was okay with the rambling conspiracy theorist who ranted about Christmas and how it was a ploy to bankrupt the people. She was even enjoying the carolers. Right up until they started in on the Twelve Days of Christmas. Steve kept his hand over Darcy’s mouth and his arm wrapped around her waist for two full stops, not that he was complaining. It really wouldn’t do for Captain America to be anywhere near an attack on Christmas carolers just before Christmas. He didn’t let go until they were off the subway, the doors had closed, and the train departed.

Darcy glared at him. “I wasn’t going to throw down on the subway.”

“Sure you wouldn’t have,” Steve snorted. “You were just going over there to calmly ask them to pick a new song.”

“Smartass,” she muttered before turning and walking away.

-----

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” Darcy whispered to her boy. He rolled over in bed and blinked at her.

“Nooo, too early mommy!” Jake closed his eyes and burrowed back under the covers. Darcy couldn’t help but laugh. He really did take after her in so many ways.

“Come on, baby. You’ve got a big day ahead. Steve just called. Something has come up and he’s not going to be able to work with the Avengers today. It’s all you.”

Jake sat upright in his bed, eyes wide. “Really? I get to be Captain America today?” Darcy nodded. “But what if I’m not ready? I haven’t practiced.” He looked so fearful that Darcy wanted to cuddle him and tell him he could just stay home and not be Captain America.

“You’ll be fine, sweetheart. The other Avengers will teach you what you need to know and make sure you can handle anything that comes up.”

Jake scrambled out of bed. “I don’t have a uniform or anything! How am I going to be Captain America without a uniform?”

“Just get dressed, honey, I’m sure they’ve got something for you.”

Darcy was impressed. Apparently with proper motivation, Jake was able to get dressed and ready in record time. Within minutes, he was ready to head out and meet the rest of the Avengers. Bagel in hand, of course, because no superhero starts the day without breakfast.

All of the Avengers were waiting for Jake when he arrived in the common area. Clint handed him a folded uniform.

“Morning, Jake! We got you your own uniform, just like Steve’s.” Jakes eyes grew big as he held up the clothing.

“Look mom! It’s awesome and heavy and not at all like that Halloween costume Andy wore to school! I can’t wait to wear it! Can I put it on now? Please, please, please?” Jake was vibrating with excitement. Darcy nodded because she wasn’t sure if she could otherwise answer without laughing.

Jake bolted out of the room, just far enough to be out of sight, to change. He was back in minutes and Darcy was sure she would find his clothes flung about the hallway. He couldn’t possibly be expected to be neat with his everyday clothes when there was his own Captain America uniform waiting for him, could he?

Steve crouched down in front of Jake. “Alright buddy, if you’re going to be Captain America today, then you need a shield.” He held out his shield to Jake. “Can you promise me that you’ll take good care of this for me today?”

Jake nodded and reached for the shield. Steve helped him slide the straps over his arms and then let go, letting Jake carry it himself. Darcy couldn’t help but giggle as Jake could barely see over the shield. His hand slipped a bit and he dropped the shield on the floor. When it clanged loudly, he jerked it back up and clipped himself on the nose. Steve winced and reached out to steady the shield.

“Sorry, buddy, but I think this is more Steve-sized and not so much Jake-sized,” he said gently. “But I think Tony’s got something there that might be better for you.”

Tony held out the smaller, but otherwise identical, replica shield. “This one is for you, okay? You might find it a bit easier to carry.”

Jake took the shield carefully from Tony. Steve helped him slide his arm through the straps. It was a much better fit for the young boy. He bounced with excitement. “When can we go train?”

Thor laughed. “We can go now, young man. You have a warrior’s spirit and we must ready you for battle.” He followed Jake down the hallway to the elevators. “Let us venture to the gym and train.” The others followed, leaving Steve with Darcy.

“We’ll keep him safe, Darcy,” Steve promised. “Natasha has worked this out to the last detail. He’ll be fine and will have the time of his life.”

Even with his reassurances, Darcy was nervous. “I’m sure you all have it under control, but it’s a mom’s prerogative to worry about her baby.” She smiled softly. “But he’s so excited to do this, so there’s no way I could back out. You made sure of that when you promised him that you’d talk to Santa and make this happen.” She reached out and poked Steve in the chest. And then she poked him again. For such a softie, he had awfully firm pecs. “Alright, so run me through this one more time. And get me a cup of coffee while you’re explaining it.”

Steve pulled a cup out of the cupboard and filled it up before handing it over. “They’re going to spend some time ‘training’ down in the gym. Thor’s going to work on stuff like somersaults and Natasha said she’d teach him how to cartwheel. Stuff like that. I’m going to head over to that little park just around the corner from the tower. Stark security has already cleared it for a ‘private event.’ Once over there, I’ll create some mischief, the Avengers will arrive, and they’ll take me down. It’ll be a simple, but effective mission, and Jake will vanquish the bad guy.”

Darcy narrowed her eyes. “Define ‘mischief,’ Steve.”

“I’ll be tossing water balloons at security,” he laughed as he snagged Darcy’s coffee and took a drink. “Nothing too serious and certainly nothing dangerous.”

“What about Bruce? Will the Hulk be making an appearance?”

“Not at all. Bruce is going to live stream the whole thing. That way you can see it and we can record it for Jake to watch later.”

Darcy looked impressed. “You all have put so much effort into this. I cannot thank you enough.”

Steve looked down at the coffee cup still in his hand. “We all adore Jake. And you.” The tips of Steve’s ears turned pink. “We just want to see him happy.”

Impulsively, Darcy reached up and kissed Steve’s cheek. “Still, I appreciate all of this, Steve. He’s so excited.” Her own blush was rivalling the one spreading across Steve’s face. “Uh, so what’s your costume look like?”

“Yeah, you have to see this to believe it.” Steve reaches into box on the counter and pulls out an elf costume and mask. Darcy couldn’t help but laugh.

“Really? You’re an elf gone rogue?”

“I know, but it fits the holiday.”

-----

Darcy settled down on her couch to watch the epic battle unfold on her tablet. Bruce found a good place to film, so Darcy had a clear view of all the action. Jake took his role as Captain America very seriously. He led the charge, calling out moves and directions to the others. Training clearly included the necessary vocab for battle, but Darcy couldn’t help but giggle when Jake kept telling Thor to watch his flake. Fortunately, Clint spoke kid and could translate. She winced when Jake threw his shield into Steve’s shin. She was pretty sure Steve winced too. In the end, they triumphed over the rogue Christmas elf. Jake led his team home in victory. Her boy was on cloud nine.

As with all epic victories, they celebrated with pizza. Jake provided Darcy with a detailed account of how he, in the awesome and most important role of Captain America, led the Avengers to victory over one of Santa’s mean elves.

“You did good, kid.” Tony smiled at Jake. “We couldn’t have done it without you.”

Steve reached for another piece of pizza. “I’m so glad you could cover for me, Jake. It would have been awful if I’d been called away and there was no one to lead the Avengers.”

“Aye, you are a most excellent and skilled warrior. I will follow you into battle any time!” Thor raised his glass of Kool-Aid to toast their leader. “Cheers to you, young Captain!” Everyone lifted their glass and cheered for Jake.

It wasn’t long before exhaustion got the better of the young boy and he fell asleep with his head on the table, still in full uniform.

“I should get this one to bed.” Darcy smiled at her son fondly.

“I’ll give you a hand.” Steve pushed his chair back from the table and reached over to pick up the sleeping boy.

Steve carried him down to Darcy’s apartment and into Jake’s bedroom. Darcy tucked him into bed, not bothering to remove the uniform and taking off only his boots. She followed Steve out of the bedroom, closing the door behind her.

“Again, I cannot thank you enough. You made his Christmas wish come true.”

Steve couldn’t help but smile at Darcy. “I’ve already told you. I was happy to do this for him. He’s good kid and it was great to be able to give him this experience.”

Darcy could feel her breath hitch as she looked up at Steve. Steve bit his lip and that was it for Darcy. She slid her hands up his chest, grasped his shirt by the collar, and pulled him in for a kiss. Steve wrapped his arms around Darcy’s waist and pulled her close.

“I can’t fucking believe you!” she yelled at the cotton candy vendor who was decked out in leather in shades of green and gold. Yeah, he thought he was being subtle, but subtlety and Loki went together like her Aunt Myra and dairy, i.e. not at all.

“Ah! The she-goat’s friend!” greeted Loki, who in a glow of green transformed back to his skinny, pale self.

She yanked out her earbud and stalked towards him.

“Can we just have one week in the city where you villains aren’t pulling crap like this? And on a Thursday?! If you wanna play with your brother’s big boy friends and be allowed into the clubhouse, just ask, you jackass! This is so dumb – “

“You do talk too much,” Loki drawled. He wiggled his fingers towards her, then in a wink disappeared and just like that all of the statues were as they’ve always been.

“Get it off me, get it off me, get it off me!!” Clint cried, kicking his feet. Then at the lack of feral bespectacled rabbit, said, “Oh. Hey, it’s gone.”

“What are you doing here?” Nat asked, while holstering her batons. Sam and Bucky, no longer engaged in battle jogged over to her as well.

Darcy tried to answer but her throat tickled and she coughed to clear it.

“Are you alright?” Thor turned to her with concern.

“Oh, I’m okay,” Darcy replied. At least, that’s what she wanted to reply. What came out was actually, a high ‘bzzzzrrpt!!!’ noise.

What. The. Shit.

She opened her mouth to speak again only to have that infernal sound come out of her throat again.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” she wanted to scream. “ZZRRRPPP BRT PZZTTT!” was what everyone heard.

Natasha tilted her head to the side.

“Darcy, why – “

“Who’s got a kazoo?!” Clint asked, sauntering up to the group.

Darcy raised her hand and gestured at her throat.

Fuckin’ Loki!

Darcy glared hard at Thor, put both hands on either side of her head and crooked her fingers.

“Ah. It seems this is the doing of my brother. I am very sorry Darcy,” Thor said.

Darcy crossed her arms over her chest and stomped one foot. She tried to telepathically transmit ‘FIX THIS NOW!’ vibes at her Asgardian buddy, but he only lay a huge comforting hand on her shoulder.

“I will journey to Asgard to see about an…antidote,” Thor said. “Do not worry, Lady Darcy. Everything will be well.” He hoisted Mjolnir above him and flew up into the sky, leaving Darcy with the Avengers.

Darcy opened her mouth.

Sad kazoo noises came out.

Sam’s eyes widened. “Whaaat the hell?”

Bucky managed exactly one, loud bark of laughter until Nat shut him right up by smacking him upside the head.

Back at the Tower, Tony laughed until he turned purple.

At least no one told Cap, yet. She begged them all not to. Darcy was nursing quite the crush on that Star Spangled Hunk of Handsomeness and she wasn’t about to have him associate the most annoying sound in the world with her. He was very polite and friendly towards her and they had a great time hanging out together. She tried to hint to him that she was into getting some Blond, Patriotic, Action but felt, sadly, that her efforts were for naught. Still, Bucky mentioned that her overtures weren’t going unnoticed.

“He’s sweet on ya, kid,” Bucky said, in a rare bout of actual helpfulness free of any snark. “He’s just wrappin’ his brain around that. He’s as stubborn as a mule, y’know.” Thoughtfully, he scratched at the stubble on his chin, and fake-leered in her direction. “Maybe wear those red heels around him some more? That’ll really shove him in the right direction.”

But her heels sat in her closet, unworn.

The last thing she wanted was to be around Steve in her…condition.

It was easy enough to avoid him. He was usually off on missions or making charity appearances or doing training. So for the next couple days, Darcy became an expert in communicating without her voice. Mostly, she typed up whatever she needed to say on her phone. 

Emojis helped a lot (“I don’t wanna live like this 4ever,” Jane read off the phone Darcy handed to her. “Sad face, sad face, crying face…Eggplant?” Darcy snatched the phone from Jane’s hands and corrected it. “Oh. Another crying face.”)

She really did wish she’d asked Clint to teach her more than curse words in ASL, but that couldn’t be helped now. Still, ‘F U’ was pretty useful especially when Clint joked that her new voice sounded “like a bag of bees farting, if bees could fart”.

Point was, she didn’t expect Steve that morning in the common kitchen. If she did, she would’ve worn the heels. The Red Heels of Sex and maybe a pencil skirt to go with. Not her oversized, ratty t-shirt that had a picture of a sloth on it and the words, ‘Party Hard’ over the chest paired with her stripy sleep shorts. Steve was pouring himself a cup of coffee, looking more handsome than anyone had a right to be this early in the morning and Darcy tried to make herself as small as possible. Maybe she could hide behind couch before –

“Oh! G’morning, Darce,” Steve greeted, and smiled that little smile at her that made her stomach go all squishy.

Shit.

She pressed her lips together and awkwardly waved at him.

“I’m uh, glad you’re here actually,” Steve continued, completely oblivious to the fact that she wanted to disappear into the floor and never come out again. “Coffee?” He placed a mug of coffee in front of her along with that Salted Caramel Creamer she liked best and she kept herself from melting into a swoon, but it was a close thing.

She almost opened her mouth to thank him, until she remembered that the voices of a thousand ducks being strangled would come out.

He was looking at her curiously. She nodded her thanks instead, and took a drink of her coffee.

“There’s this exhibit,” he said, and gave her a hesitant little look from under his long lashes. “At the MoMA. This woman is splicing old Super 8 films with 80s commercials. Would you like to go?”

Would she like to –

‘Yes!’ she wanted to say. ‘Hells yes!!’ But she could only press her lips together. Before she could even nod, it seemed that Steve had misinterpreted her silence.

“Unless you don’t want to!” he amended. “We could go somewhere else. Buck said that maybe – But y’know, maybe I shouldn’t listen to that jerk so – “

Darcy slammed her palms on the table. Their coffee mugs rattled. Steve stopped in the middle of his rambling to regard her with shock.

Making sure Steve was looking right at her, she nodded so hard, she thought she’d make herself dizzy.

“Yeah?” Steve looked so delighted, that she grinned right back. “Are you…okay?” he asked, and Darcy rolled her eyes.

God, how she hated this. Darcy Lewis was chatty on a regular day and this was totally unbearable.

Taking a chance, Darcy went right up to Steve Rogers and planted one on him

Everyone thought Steve was apple pie and ‘yes, ma’am’s and helping little old ladies cross the street. And he was. But he was also, as Darcy was beginning to find out from the way he was kissing her – oh so sweet and just a teensy bit dirty – a guy from Brooklyn who wasn’t afraid to show his gal how he felt once given the chance.

He was holding her head between his warm, callused hands, and she was still on her toes when they pulled apart. Steve’s lips, pink and little shiny, were curled into a satisfied smile. The sight was so nice, Darcy forgot herself completely and let out a happy sigh.

And it was an actual sigh that came out of her, not the ‘Bzzzrppt’ that she dreaded.

Darcy blinked.

“Oh my god,” she exclaimed, never so happy to hear her own voice come from her throat. “I’m not a kazoo anymore!”

“What?”

“Ugh. Loki. Did a thing.” She placed her fingers on her throat. “If I’ve been strangely quiet it’s because he made my voice do kazoo noises. But now I’m cured! Somehow.”

Oh, it was good to have her normal voice back. She bounced on the balls of her feet and clutched at Steve’s shirt happily.

“Loki did this?” Steve asked again, this time with a furrow between his brows. “How long – Why didn’t you tell me – “

“Ugh, I was so embarrassed!” Darcy confessed, and buried her face in his wonderfully solid and warm chest. She nuzzled further into him when his arms came around her. “I had this crush on you, so I told everyone to keep their mouths shut, because I didn’t want to speak to you while sounding like Satan’s own trumpet.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” he sighed, and brushed back a strand of hair from her face. “I would’ve – “

The door swung open and Thor’s voice boomed out from behind them.

Darcy, still in Steve’s arms, jolted and relished that it was her own voice that exclaimed, “What the hell, Thor?!” at the same time Thor shouted, “True Love’s Kiss, Lady Darcy!”

Then Thor took in the couple before him, arms still around each other and cuddling in the kitchen, and chuckled.

“I see you’ve figured it out for yourselves! I congratulate you both!” he exclaimed, cheerily. “Do not worry, my friend. My brother’s being dealt with.” Thor paused and gave Darcy a gentle look. “You are truly alright?”

Darcy nodded. Wait. Old habits, she thought, and then responded with a happy, “Yeah, I’m okay, big guy. Thanks.”

Thor grinned and left to go find Jane.

Steve looked down at her with bemused blue eyes. “A kazoo? Really?”

“Yup. And boy am I glad I’m not making those weird noises anymore,” Darcy said.

“For the record, I would’ve still asked you out even if you…”

“Sounded like the screams of Oompa Loompas played backwards and at five times the speed?”

“Sure. That.”