#shhs

"I trust everything went well at your appointment yesterday."

Solas' terse voice from the doorway grated on Des' nerves. She did not need every coworker in the teacher's lounge to know her business! It was just Sera at the moment, but he still had no right. 

"If there was anything you needed to know, I'd tell you," she snipped, adding sugar to her Styrofoam cup. She ignored Sera glancing up eagerly from her sketchpad.

Solas sighed deeply, like some poor put-upon asshole. "I would like it if you told me anything at all. I'll be lucky if you text me when you learn the gender at this rate. For all I know our baby could have six limbs--"

"My baby."

Solas scowled at Des, undeterred by the way Sera put down her pencils completely. "That is what I said."

"No, you said ‘our’. It's my baby."

"Must you nitpick at every trivial--"

"Yes. Because you don't seem to understand how this works! I will tell you whe--"

"Is that coffee?" he interrupted, incredulous. "You can't have caffeine! Your doctor should have told you that!" He reach as if to take it away from her. 

As if to take it away from her.

She snatched it away, so furious that she was on her feet before she realized it. Coffee scalded her hand. "Don't you dare tell me what I can and cannot do, asshole!" she shouted, loud enough that Sera jumped. "Of course my doctor gave me instructions, and I've done my own research besides. I can take care of myself, and I can take care of my baby by myself."

There was a pause, and Des tried to quell the adrenaline shaking in her hands before she really lost it. 

Solas seemed to finally realize he was treading on dangerous territory. His shoulders sagged. "Of course. I am sorry for overstepping, Des. I am merely concerned about the two of you," he said calmly. And if he'd left it at that she might have gone ahead and given in, telling him about yesterday's uneventful appointment. But then the fucking asshole muttered under his breath, "Though I don't know how I can be expected to know what your doctor says when you've never so much as told me their name..."

"Oh I'm sorry, did you want to come to my next appointment with me?" He started to agree to her sarcastic question, but she wasn't done. "I know! We can make each other our emergency contacts. Maybe even get on the same insurance! Do you want me to come hold your hand the next time you're bending over for a prostate exam?!"

He just stood there under her verbal assault, mouth slightly agape, looking lost.

Des made a loud frustrated noise and tossed her coffee into the sink, cup and all--she'd lost her appetite. She stomped out the door, slamming it open so hard it bounced off the wall and would have hit her if she hadn't caught it and pushed it open again. She made her way down the halls, ignoring the stares from students and staff alike. She really couldn't find it in her to give a damn if they fired her for misconduct at this point; at least she wouldn't have to see her one-night-stand-gone-wrong every. damn. day. 

She exited a side door. Teenagers smoking stolen cigarettes scattered at the sight of an authority figure, and she felt resentment bubble up. It was stupid, but she resented them for their freedom. To run. To be young. To smoke. She didn't want to smoke, never had, but that wasn't the point. 

She sighed, deeply, several time, and leaned against the rough brick wall. She put her arms up around her head to block the light. 

What was wrong with her?

She stayed that way for several moments. She started to feel cold, but stayed where she was; soon the bell would ring and she would have to return, but she wouldn't go back one minute before she had to. 

Then he showed up. At least he'd given her a few minutes of reprieve before following her with his stupid, careful, rational words. 

"I know this situation isn't what either of us wanted--"

"We were actively trying to prevent it."

He nodded. "But I cannot say that I'm disappointed that it happened. I want to make the best of this."

"That's the problem..." She sighed into the brick. She was calm enough now to regret what must be said to him. She turned to face him. "I don't want to get stuck with you, Solas"

She waited for his sharp inhale. She watched as he crossed his arms behind him and straightened to full height. His voice was steady, if sullen. "You said I could be involved."

This time she nodded. "And you can, with the baby. But not with me. I don't want to be trapped in some loveless marriage 'for the kids', thinking that it's fine to settle for convenience, it could be worse. I want real, true love, and I'd rather be alone than accept anything less. I don't--"

"I get it, Deshonna."

"We get along okay, but that's different than spending a life time together. Or trying to, and then failing, and hating each other, and the kid has to deal with that. I'd rather be... Friends." She wanted him to understand that it wasn't personal--she wasn't trying to insult him. "Does that make sense?"

"It hardly matters what I think. You've already made the decision for us both."

She sighed. She keep trying to meet his eye, but he was staring resolutely into the distance. "You'll thank me for the freedom one day. I can be a lot to handle."

He snorted, and she twisted her lips in amusement. "Just... Maybe if we treat this as if we were separated? Stop volunteering to help out around the house. Lace will take care of the cat box." Not that she'd asked, yet.

Solas opened his mouth as if to protest, but then closed it. When he opened it again he said, "Should be simple enough. I have enough experience with my ex-wife." "You’ve been married? I never knew that." He finally looked at her, his smile tight. "There is a lot you don't know about me." "Oh? Do you already have any kids?" "No. We tried, but..." He shrugged, and turned to leave, story unfinished.

She stopped him. "Wait. Um... Do you want to come to my next appointment? I'm supposed to find out the gender." She had his attention. "Really? So soon?" "Yeah, twelve weeks, that's the normal time. I, uh. I wasn't going to say anything until after, but only because my mom is flying down to go to the appointment with me. You know how excited she is. And I thought it might be awkward to be like..." "You don't have to invite me if you are uncomfortable with it."