#[email protected]

So first he tries to shank a racist old salarian (shank because he is running around with a sword in this age of thermal clips) and fucks that up because my frog husband with an oxygen saturation of like below 70 kicked his ass.

Second he tries to crash my hovercar and flies away with his buddy without even checking to see that it worked, knowing that I came back from falling through Alchera's stratosphere. Third, he can't even make it to the rest of the council because I was fucking with his elevator settings

So he took the L and had to go have a chat with the Illusive Bye Bye Man like he got a C+ on his Shepard-hunting report card

Fourth he has the AUDACITY to show up when I'm on Thessia, go all "I want your attention" and "you're mine Shepard!" doing backflips off the pillars with his like fucking katana or whatever that is, and he didn't even land a hit on me by the way. I was just like Kai Leng I understand your enthusiasm but I have a shotgun. Failing THAT

He proceeds to execute his most well-thought out plan yet, firing missiles at the support beams of the building he's literally standing in, does NOT exit the building immediately, and watches me slide down in the wreckage without double-checking to make sure that I'm dead (because that worked out so well last time)

And then he wants to send me this email:

I'm totally Asari command 😏 haha not 😏😏🤺🥷 Oh good... you've opened this EMAIL so I can have your attention. 💁‍♂️ My message to you is: Nanan a boo boo 😏😏

Kai Leng what are you doing with your life man. can't you ask me out like a normal person you self-aggrandized mall ninja